New Year
She kept running, strides leaving a rushed trail on the shallow snow. The frozen path beneath her feet threatened to make her slip and fall at any moment. She risked looking back over her shoulder. Nothing but ever-present emptiness, making her heart and lungs feel heavier and slower. Short, foggy breaths had started to come out of her dry mouth by then, yet the dark road ahead of her seemed to elongate with each step she took forward.
The lights above the road flickered for a moment. She slowed down, striving to hear something—anything—over her gasping breaths. There was nothing. Had she lost it? Coming to a halt, she turned around. Not one living being in sight.
Maybe it had stayed behind from the beginning, refusing to chase someone so worthless. It had already taken everything from her anyway. Having nothing else fight for—had that made her braver? Stronger? Maybe the monster knew that and was now scared of her. Regardless, running was no longer necessary. The realization didn’t calm her down, but she could breathe more easily now, so she resumed her aimless passage at a more tranquil pace.
By the time she saw the silhouettes crouched by the bushes she didn’t know whether she’d been walking for hours or only for a few minutes. He was a young man, probably about her age. Did time there went by the same way it did back home? His warm, shiny hair contrasted with the animal’s thick, black fur. She lost interest in the man when she saw the dog, and lost interest in the dog when she saw the food.
The thought of running again made her soul feel ten pounds heavier, but the partially-eaten meal in the hands of the man—halfway to the dog’s muzzle—pulled her in stronger than anything else. She hadn’t thought kindness could exist in a world like that. She was hungry. So was the dog. The two pair of eyes stared at her as she stood there, three steps away, the sensations inside her pulling in different directions.
Hunger won. She snatched the bread from the warm hands and propelled forward, her legs drawing strength from the void inside her. She kept running as she ate, soft paws chasing her lightly on the snow. Why had she thought she could outrun a dog?
Wagging its tail—loping along by her side—the dog was not a threat. She started walking again, throwing glances at its innocent gaze. She felt nothing. She didn’t care about the longing in its eyes. She remembered those days, before the monster, where such a look would’ve moved her. When rescuing stray dogs and cats and parrots and rats shone light into her day. Now she would eat the dog if she got hungry again. Remorseless. What had happened with her humanity? Had she dropped it somewhere along the way? It was too late to turn back and try to find it. Did that mean she had lost it forever? Could it eventually grow back inside her? She hoped it was the latter.
The young man had started to follow her too. Or maybe he followed the dog who followed her. He hadn’t said a word since he had caught up with them, but she could hear his calm, heavy breathing behind her. She could feel his warmth as clearly as she could feel the dog’s—trotting lightly beside her—all thoughts of the stolen food seemingly gone from their minds.
For a moment, she could hear music—an odd syncopation born of the sounds that shattered the silence. The slight crushing of the snow as it complained beneath the four pair of steps. The three sets of lungs breathing out of tempo. The eventual hushing of the fabric rubbing against itself as they all moved forward—Then the song had changed. Something was missing from it. Or rather, something was odd, like it didn’t belong.
To the left, the dog trotted forward and backward, probably bored of the slow pace the humans kept. To the right, a little behind her, the young man was still quietly strolling. None of those sounds were the one that had made her blood chill inside her veins, and yet nothing else could be heard. More than a sound, it was a feeling that prevented her from looking back, beyond the man. A terror so deep, the only thing her body could do now was keep on going forward. Another pair of steps. Big. Heavy. Strong. She could almost see them, messing the fallen snow, tainting it with black holes on its pristine white.
Slowing its gait, sniffing the air beside her. It was the dog who sensed her discomfort first, but it was the man who calmly commented on it. “It’s ok, he’s under control.” Soft and warm, his voice suited him. Understanding this monster was his and not hers, she managed to turn around. It was bigger and seemed more violent than her own, but one could see it was calm—maybe influenced by its owner’s soothing presence. Curious, she reached out to touch it, but something within her made her hastily pull back. She had felt it stir inside her. Her own monster.
“They’re always there. Running is useless.” He said, hands tucked into the pockets of his dark coat. “You have to face them eventually.” From behind heavy lashes and stray hairs, his bright eyes stared at her. Not a ripple in them, only serenity.
Eventually, yes. But not then.
They resumed their promenade along the frozen road. It was just as cold. The snow kept on falling and the darkness still surrounded them, but with the dog and the young man and the monsters with her, she felt a little bit safer.
It was a new beginning.
This was written as an entry for @GMuxx's Art Prompt Writing Contest #8 and it went from awkward-assembly-of-words to actually-decent-piece thanks to the guys in TWB so lots of thanks to all of them!
Holy @%&/! I wasn't sure what to expect but this is great. It made me feel like I need to start putting more effort into the flow of my stories - I've neglected it a bit lately because I always end up with too much to say for 1000 or 1500 words.
In any case, this was amazing in my opinion. If I had to point out one or two things, it would be your use of words like promenade. Perhaps it works, and in many cases it works great, but careful with them. They can make the whole thing sound unnatural and break your immersion.
That, and the post's title. "New Year" makes it feel like it's, well, a Happy New Year post or something of the sort. Perhaps add "Entry to Art Prompt Writing Contest" or something like that? Just to make it pop out.
Upvoted! And I'm gonna go ahead and resteem it too. May it reach more eyes!
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Thanks for reading!
I have that problem too. I struggle to get to the 200-500 but after that it all gains momentum and I end up with 2000+ words before I finish...
Thanks for the advice. I'm aware I tend to go with rather pompous words sometimes, maybe because they're usually closer to Spanish and French (?). I'll try to be more careful. Also, I hadn't thought about the title issue, thanks for that too!
I'm glad you enjoyed it :)
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Yup, I like that title much more.
I noticed the thing about the pompous words because I do it a lot (though I do it because I'm pretentious, and I do it in Spanish rather than in English). It can end up happening because of familiarity with other languages.
It's not strictly wrong and it plays into building a style, but you might end up typing "it was an obscure night" rather than "it was a dark night" and stuff like that... But hey, that's what the Block is there for, to help us aspiring artists improve.
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yes you are right my friend.
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Very interesting. Thank you.
Очень интересно. Спасибо большое.
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Dude, I dig it sooo much! I remember being pleasantly surprised by it in the queue ;)
Thanks for entering the contest, especially with work like this!
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No, no. TankYOU :)
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This is outstanding work! This flows so well with just the right amount of mystery and intrigue. At first I was thinking this was going to be a zombie story (I'm sorry, I'm a zombie fan, haha) but what it turned out to be is so much better!
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Hahaha now that I think about that it does have a zombie vibe.
Thanks for reading :D
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That was something else. Atmospheric yet the way you describe the characters gives them a lot of humanity in a very small space.
Amazing story.
Now this is the stuff I wish I could do.
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Thanks for reading! I'm glad you could see some humanity in them :)
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good post, you have my vote, here I leave the link of my music video so you can love
https://steemit.com/openmic/@misc.jocs/steemit-open-mic-week-69-vive-en-mi-coalo-zamorano-cover
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That, and the post's title. "New Year" makes it feel like it's, well, a Happy New Year post or something of the sort. Perhaps add "Entry to Art Prompt Writing Contest" or something like that? Just to make it pop out. i like you post. @isa93
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