It poured rain all night. I left my window open. During the night I would wake up and listen to the music of water lulling me back to sleep.
Yesterday was a day with family. I went grocery shopping with my mom. For an early dinner, I made homemade nachos. My nephew came over to watch the games on television with his grandfather. I handed Anthony avocados. My nephew mixed the avocados with sea salt and a squeeze of Meyer lemon. I watched him help me create the nacho bowls stacking chips, black beans, cheese, the guacamole with salsa and sour cream on top as a slight feeling of melancholy settled in my heart.
The time is slipping away so fast. Time spent with my family doing simple things are unsettling and cherished in the same moment in time.
My nephew was two years old. It seemed like yesterday. Now, he is almost thirty.
Time is a messenger of truth. Time is a keeper of what is important.
It is up to us to spend it wisely.
One day, I may only have memories. Then. They may be gone too.
I record the moments with my family and friends deep down into my bones, carving them in, searing them, recording them so I don't forget who we are together.
Family is complicated. We struggle to know each other. To be known. Sometimes it's easier without them being a witness and commentator on my life. Most of the time, we cling together on a life boat riding the sea of calm, drifting off from each other, and then coming back together to fight the storms, celebrating and leaving again.
Over and over we experience life finger tips apart always touching.
Most of us are still here in this life. Some of us are gone physically. Their absent presence still strong.
My Aunt Cathy died young in her forties while I was reaching past my twenties. In this time now. We walk neighborhoods. When we pass by a house that has a special way about it, a garden, bread baking behind a window in a warm kitchen, house plants sleeping in the sunlight, a San Francisco feel to it. We look at each other and say "that's a Cathy house". And we honor and love my Aunt in that moment never forgetting her.
None of us are forgotten.
Grandparents. A sweet cousin. Uncle's. My Aunt travel along with us on our path while keeping their own in a world I can't see but I feel close to on the other side.
I can feel my animals too who have gone. They are not before me in a physical way. I feel them like a shawl pulled across my shoulders.
They whisper their presence as I walk my path.
