Cordial Chronicles #2 - Babies on the Brain

in writing •  7 years ago 


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"When are you going to have a baby?"

"How many babies do you plan to have?"

"Hurry up and give your father/mother a grandkid!"

"Which college do you plan to enroll your kid in?"

Upon hearing news of our engagement, these were the questions that we were immediately peppered with. Like a spray of bullets, no matter how hard we try to dodge them, they still manage to find a way to hit us.

It's funny how there were all set up, too. Even though we get the occasional question of where we're going to live, people don't even bother how we plan to raise to raise the children. They just care how many we plan to have and how quickly those kids will come. No wonder the lower class families in the Philippines tend to have more children than the capacity of their house.


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I know it's not a culture thing though, talking about the questions. A few weeks ago, the recently promoted twice father @meesterboom and I had a hearty chat about the pressures he and his good lady faced when they were fresh from matrimonial bliss. Even though my fiancee and I are a bit younger, the situation still mirrored each other.

What is it with all the rush?

Sure, I get that society is on a constant treadmill, but can we just hit the pause button for a bit and live in the now? Mind you, this is coming from a guy who plans three steps ahead.


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For the married people out there, or even for the couples who were already at that stage in their relationship, how were you able to deflect these questions? Usually, I deal with this using jokes, but I fear I'm running out of them.

Okay, so I don't mean to offend anyone with this next point, because I'm a firm believer in "to each their own", but I couldn't help but notice that the people in my generation are in such a rush! By that I mean, some people in my high school batch already have kids that are going to enter high school soon. Sure, it's not just a generational thing, but I feel like it's becoming more and more common.

I'll admit, it's a bit narrow minded to think that there's only one sequence to things, and I might just be a bit conservative about it, but I often think people took the guidelines we were taught growing up as merely a friendly suggestion. I could count with one hand how many in our batch actually got married before they conceived a child. Just to give it a bit more context, there were more than 300 of us in that batch.

Look, I'm not saying that it's wrong to have unprotected premarital sex, but I'm not actively campaigning for people to do it. I don't think any of those people were coerced into having intercourse, and while many of those babies weren't planned, I just hope that they had the proper resources to raise the children. There's a reason why there was a sequence in place. Not because of some old timey thinking, but because people needed to know how to stand on their own before they bring another human being into this world.

All of the older generation chastise people for having children early on, and yet they're just waiting on the wings to urge people to hurry up and mass produce babies.


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Are we there yet?

The short answer is: not quite. People have mixed reactions about this next bit, and I'm sure you'll have differing opinions as well. Are you ready? Here goes. @randomli and I have never travelled alone on an overnight trip. It's always with friends or at least one other person. Older people have the notion that our generation can't keep it in their pants. And while many have proven that to be true, it's something that can't be generalized. Sadly, that's not something we can change. What we can have a say, however, is how we act accordingly.

As these wedding preps have shown, my fiancee and I disagree on a number of things, but one of the many things we have the same mind about is with regard to respect. Treat others like how you want to be treated, and all that. I'm perplexed how some people who blatantly disrespect others expect to be respected. If we can't change how the older generation thinks, then we decided to respect their wishes and wait our turn.

People our age who stick their dicks inside anything with holes and people our whose holes gets stuffed daily like their lives depend on it ridicule us for having such "strict parents". Really though, we could be screwing each other every chance we get, but we chose not to because we imposed an honest principle on ourselves. There's something to be said about patience and discipline, I feel. We don't judge other people for their free spirit and lifestyle choices, so I don't appreciate unsolicited criticism. Like I mentioned earlier, to each their own.

In a few days, we're going to be free from the self-imposed prison we incarcerated ourselves in. We did our time, and soon we're going to have a taste of the freedom that others have been experiencing for years. I think that makes marriage all the more sweeter, wouldn't you agree?

For couples living together for a while, what other difference does marriage provide? For people who've had kids before they got married, doesn't marriage only make their union legally binding?

So, we're going to take our time. We're going to enjoy ourselves, and we're going to make up for lost time.

The kids will come

We'll know damn well when we're ready. And, when they do come, I'm happy that my lady and I agree on the number and even the order. Like my sensational sis @dreemit and bodacious bro @meesterboom, I've always wanted to have a daughter first, followed by a son, then peace of mind. I know what a handful a baby boy is, so I want to get some reps in before I go through a battlefield. Trust me, I'm a baby whisperer, I know these things. Is it why my STEEMigos and I get along so well? Am I gravitated to them because I want to be like them when I become a parent?

What a relief it was to discover that Li wanted the same thing. Although, since it's all up to chance, we'll take what we get when we get it. There's no rushing it, after all.

How long until you decided it was time to have a kid?

We just had our confession earlier, as a requirement for marriage, so I must confess that writing this was very cathartic. Six more days to go, and the nerves are setting in!


I've been campaigning for @lukestokes witness account @lukestokes.mhth for months now because I knew him way before Steemit. I can vouch that he's an awesome individual who has nothing but the best intentions for this platform. As I mentioned, my share of the expenses have been mostly from my last remaining savings from working for FoxyCart. Even though my contract has ended for a couple of years now, I would forever hold fond memories of my time there. Please do consider voting for him as a witness!


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yup, and once you have a kid it's "when's the next?" I find what particularly annoying about the question is- when you do get pregnant- there's an order of people you want to tell. And you will tell people when you're ready.
Or another thought that someone else brought to my attention- people might be asking this question to couples who have already been trying to have a kid and have been unsuccessful. We were lucky enough to be pregnant the first month of trying. Some people take a year, or years of trying before that happens. What a frustrating reminder to the compounded stress it must be to be asked that question over and over again.
My advice- pick one really good joke and stay with it.
Also- I typed out the lyrics to 29 for you, added the chords, I just have to make sure that the chords are right ( I was doing it off of the top of my head). I'll gladly get that to you soon!

How old are you and your lady when you had Nora, if I may ask? How long have you been married when you first decided to try? Oh man, you're right. That is annoying. I didn't even think of that. Must be hard for couples who have been trying for quite some time without much luck. It's like "what do you think we've been doing for X years now!?" People can be so insensitive sometimes. It's not like they're going to help raise the baby when it comes.

Currently, I'm using the passive aggressive "you first" one haha that's always a classic! Man, if you guys get a boy next, then I'm definitely sticking with people who operate on the same wavelength having mirror situations haha!

That's awesome!! Looking forward to it, brother! :D

Sorry I didn't see this! I'm bad at Steemit, I just recently discovered the "replies" button. She was 29 and I was 31. We were married about 4 years- but I was putting it off longer than Mary. I had to adjust to the idea of taking care of someone besides me! Honestly, from the moment of watching her born, she changed my world in the best of ways. Obviously comes with challenges and responsibilities, but we still manage to do the things we always loved to do.

Nah, man. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're on Steemit. For us folks who have been waiting for you for a long time now, that's all that matters. There's a learning curve, so don't sweat it. If you ever have questions, I'm here to help, brother.

That's awesome though, even if you put it off, when Nora came, everything just felt natural. I hope I'm the same way. Glad to hear about the age. Make me think we have 4 years before we need to get serious with the baby stuff hahaha! We're the same age as your wife was when you guys got married (based from my reaction to your song, you probably already knew that)

Now, excuse me for a moment while I catch up on your songs that I've missed.

My wife and I were married seven years before we had children.

Seven years! Wow! How old were the two of you when you got married, if I may ask?

I was 22, my wife 20. Our first child was sort of a planned accident.

Thanks for sharing that, man!

Quite right to wait and do what is right for you both. You will indeed know when you are ready but even when you are ready it is amazing how un-ready you can actually be. You have so much to look forward to!

By the time we're ready, I'm looking forward to acquiring the services of a future continental overlord for babysitting when we need a break. I'm hoping that she rubs off on the babies so that we could corner our portion of the globe!

Haha, it will be a mighty pleasure I am sure!!

It would be interesting to see if our children will have an epic friendship quite like the one we have!

That would be quite interesting indeed!! Get spitting them out and we can see! ;O)

There's a reason why there was a sequence in place. Not because of some old timey thinking, but because people needed to know how to stand on their own before they bring another human being into this world.

There's a lot in this post worthy of comment, but I think this bit was my favourite. And, in a much wider context, "people need to know how to stand on their own" says volumes about some of the societal issues we are currently facing. Who really has the courage to stand on their own, rather than safely echoing their peers?

Maybe the answer to each of those questions above is "In God's good time."

YES! That's exactly the right answer, Deb! It's way safer to go with the flow than to go with the trend. I feel like it's all muddled up because of society's constant rush. It's all relative, and people should be running on their own pace or risk being swept up by the current. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, my friend! I appreciate it :D

And not just running at their own pace, but walking their own path. What if the path for you and @randomli was to not have children (though I don't think that's the case)? That would be nobody else's right to decide either.

Yeah, you're probably right. We'll take whatever blessing we could get :D

I suspect there will be many blessings for you both. We will wait and see what they are!

For the married people out there, or even for the couples who were already at that stage in their relationship, how were you able to deflect these questions? Usually, I deal with this using jokes, but I fear I'm running out of them.

We usually just told them the truth, plain and simple.

"We are still preparing to be the best parents we can, for them".

She dealt with their parents, I dealt with mine.

Never offended anyone with that one. But, still, I understand it is a really difficult question and there is no perfect answer. People are just very different and could be sensitive to this whole thing.

That's an awesome answer, buddy! Mind if I use that from time to time. I always felt like the truth is never enough for these people that's why I just deflect the issue. The key thing here is sensitivity, you're right.

You can use it alright, but I can't guarantee the results would be the same. The subject is hard, man, some parents in law are waaaay into this babies thing.

Hey, maybe I will be the same in my time, who knows? "We are not talking about your children here, you know? We are talking about my grandchildren! So stop being such a slacker and get on with it already!"

Hahaha! I get what you mean. You're probably right. My wife has been orphaned for a few years now, so in-laws aren't that much of a problem for me.

Society sometimes consumes! When you have not married, they ask: When do you get married? If you get married, when do you drink them? I understand you, I've lived it. Really annoying, that people care when they want to order a baby, or two, or three, because it must be that people are going to pay for food, studies, clothes, etc ... it's really overwhelming, it is better not to stop others, or we are going to stop insane! haha ... I understand you perfectly.

I'm glad that this sentiment breaks any cultural barrier. It's quite comforting knowing that we're all in this together. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, my friend! It is very much appreciated :D

As a married man with no children I have little advice to offer. I got married later in life, and children just couldn't happen. Still disappointed my mother, though! I try to tell her to blame the doctors who gave my wife a bad vaccine, but what's done is done.

You will probably always hear about it, so make your own decisions about timing. It's a huge decision, and so important. As for the act of patience and discipline, this is commendable. Very contrarian of you in today's whatever world, and I like contrarians.

All the best, and don't let the countdown get to you.

That's why we get along, mate! Salmons swimming upstream, flailing about in our own rhythm. As long as you and your wife and content with your life, I think that's all that really matters. People get so caught up in requirements that they fail to realize that love is enough.

I'll keep this in mind, mate. Thank you for the reminder!

I just finished to read this and I am incredibly anxious.
I need a strong drink.

Sorry about that, bud! Go down that bottle, by all means. Making people anxious is not the intention for this series...





Or is it?

My bro discipline and determination gives birth to diligence, it's very difficult today to see someone in our generation say something and stand by it, that's why it has become a subject lesson now in schools, am happy you choose the paths, waiting could be difficult but at the end blooming, it's great you want a girl first, that's my burning desire too, the day is starting closer and closer, success in your preps. Have fun and say me well to Li

Thank you, man! We appreciate your continued well wishes. Your words are wonderful and we're lucky that you impart with us such vibrant positivity. She extends her thanks as well!

Wow, thats great. thank you

In general I have to agree with you that there is no rush. My case was a bit different however, because though I was engaged before pregnancy I was pregnant at the alter lol. We were extremely careful all throughout dating, but once the decision was made to spend forever together I have to admit we got careless- but Howie already had two boys so waiting didn't really make sense for us, I didn't want the generational gap to be too big.

I hope you get your girl then boy, when the time is right :)

I've only started my true catchup just now so I have quite a long way to go with Unproven. I might not be able to comment on all of the chapters I've missed because I'll be blitzing through them, but I'll read each and every character I've missed.

The age gap feels just right between Zoe and the older boys doesn't it. They won't be mistakened as father-daughter so that's good. Intentional sloppiness. I don't know if Li and I will get to that point, but we've been extremely carefull haha!

Girl then boy... Girl then boy...

Girl and boy? Gotcha. One pair of magical twins coming up :D

goatsig

Twins? Wait, no! Years apart! Years apart!!

And once again it's lucky that everyone else in the house is just used to be bursting into random maniacal laughter XD

goatsig

Good luck with getting the order you want XD

Neither of us were the type to wait/"save ourselves for the right one" and we completely did not do things "in order", hell I wouldn't even have bothered with the marriage shenanigans if JJ hadn't wanted to. What we did think would be a good idea would be for us to graduate uni first but yeh even though the kids were planned they didn't happen on the timeline we'd set out, little sods XD (alright it was our faults, I was too abnormal for a thing that works for everyone else)

Think legal advantages to marriage depends on where you are. I think over here if you're related by blood or marriage you automatically inherit deceased estates unless some will stipulates otherwise.

But yeh because we ended up squeezing ours out unexpectedly early nobody had time to hammer us with annoying questions, so I can't give you any tips there unfortunately XD

I generally get low-level aggressive towards the asker whenever those questions arise in a conversation I'm involved in because seriously.

goatsig

Hahahaha! I could always trust you for an interesting answer, mateychops! I guess you and JJ had to deal with a different set of questions haha I don't know about how it's like there, but having children while still studying here is a bit rougher during the earlier go. You guys have awesome children, so spoiler alert... great decision overall!

Not sure what you're getting at there? XD I kept getting asked if they were mine x_x and yeh totally don't recommend having kids while studying. To this day I don't know how JJ managed to graduate with such good grades. We had a toddler at the time and a baby that was born in the two weeks between the end of assessment period and the beginning of exam period x_x

goatsig

Oh I just meant that the kids turned out great :D You and JJ look so young for your age so I'm not surprised. Talk about hectic! Why did you you follow gorc up so quickly!!

It was not intentional! I was aiming for at least a 2 year gap, ideally 3-5. Apparently pixie didn't want to wait that long. And the cubsta, well seems the burning desire to not be left out of anything at all was present since preconception because we were only going to have two. It's pretty obvious how he happened but he shouldn't have been able to happen so I guess we really were meant to have him XD

goatsig