Boredom: An Introspective Look Into the Surreal Problems of an Average Teenager

Hey everyone! I haven't seen too many short stories on here, but would love to see more! Here's one of mine I wrote a while back. Enjoy! (Reposted from a week ago because text did not appear for whatever reason)

8:02. I hate moments like these. Saturday night, all the energy in the world, and nothing to do.

It was a long week. Without anything exciting, that long week just continues through the weekend to next Friday. I can’t endure another 12 day week.

I hate social media. Everyone is sharing all the adventures they are experiencing; everyone but me.

I tried to get out of the house. I texted people. At least two or three. No response. I hate my friends. Not all of them, just the ones that get out more than I do. Many of them don’t, but that’s different.

A notification! This night isn’t lost yet-

It’s from Verizon. I’m out of data, and the cycle doesn’t end for two more weeks. Phenomenal.

This sucks. I just wanted to go out and live life. Why didn’t anyone invite me? Do my friends hate me? Am I not good enough for them anymore? Did I change? No I didn’t. But maybe they think I did. I made a sexist joke to my friend the other day. It was really funny, but a few people overheard, and I was duly confronted. Word spreads; everyone has a big mouth. That’s why I try to say only what other people want to hear, but sometimes I slip up. When I slip up, I get the cold shoulder. That’s it. That’s why I’m sitting at home bored out of my mind this Saturday night.

I hate that I say things I know people won’t want to hear. Nobody truly likes anyone else. They fall in love with the roles that others act out, but they don’t like each other’s true personalities. I play a lot of roles. I like to keep my options open. I play different roles depending on the groups I’m around, so that whoever I’m interacting with will like me. I’m really good at it, I should have given drama club a chance. Too bad their reputation is so bad. If I joined drama club I would have been alienated from the baseball players.

I like the baseball players. The school season just started, so I’ve been around them a lot lately. Too much though, I fear. The role I play around the baseball guys wouldn’t be appreciated by my other groups. That role is starting to leak into other facets of my life, that’s how I let myself be heard making the sexist joke. Dammit.

Sometimes I think I put too much emphasis on petty things, like getting caught making a sexist joke. But I know it’s justified. I’m a Senior in High School, everyone is petty. Petty things dictate high school life. My standing with teachers depends on my completion of each night’s homework, and their respect for me on my grades and test scores. With friends- it’s dependent on whether or not I am overheard making sexist jokes.

Might as well check my phone. 8:07. No new notifications. 3 new Snapchat stories, however. Haley’s at the mall. Mary’s eating sushi. Arnold is getting high. None of them with me, of course. Sushi sounds fantastic. I wish I was eating sushi with Mary. I hate Snapchat. And Mary.

Really though, who cares? I’m 17. I’m going out of state for college, and I’ll probably stay away from here after that. How many of my friends are going to keep in touch through college? And after college? 1 or 2, maybe. Hopefully. I like my friends. Even if they don’t invite me to join them on Saturday nights like these.

Still, the pointlessness of my current relationships doesn’t ease the boredom. I used to play videogames at times like these, but I really haven’t been in the mood lately. I could stream a movie, but if someone asks to hang out while I’m in the middle of the movie, it’s unlikely I’ll respond. No movie, just in case. I want to maintain the option of going out tonight.

Seriously, what did I do in times like these? I wasn’t all that social my first two years of high school. Back before I was on Snapchat and Twitter, I often spent my Saturday nights home alone. And it was great. I looked forward to alone time, when I could just be by myself and enjoy my solitude.

I did change. No. Society changed me. I didn’t care about being alone before I was absorbed by social media. It wasn’t a problem until everyone else’s grand time was shoved down my throat.

I want to go back in time to those days just a few years prior. I was happier then. I didn’t loathe myself in moments like these. I recuperated from tough weeks with my alone time. But now, I can’t seem to give myself a recharge unless I go out with my friends.

8:10, and still no notifications. However, there’s a couple new tweets. Carlos felt the need to tell the world that “It’s lit”. I guess he’s having a fun time. Without me.

This sucks. Is this how everyone feels all the time? It can’t be, or everyone would always frantically make plans to avoid doing nothing.

This can’t be healthy. Why am I so disappointed about staying home. What was the secret I forgot since Sophomore year? Am I addicted to human interaction? Losing control when I spend too much time without seeing any of my friends? I didn’t know this sadness over such a common and mundane occurrence.

Maybe that’s it. I didn’t know that I should be sad. I didn’t know that spending most Saturday nights alone was shitty because I usually spent Saturday nights alone.

Don’t get me wrong- I had friends back then. I wasn’t antisocial. But at the same time, I didn’t stay out late. I didn’t leave my comfort zone at all. My idea of fun back then would be much less interesting if repeated here and now.

Hold on- I think I’m on to something. Ideas and emotions cannot exist without a counterpart. One cannot experience success without failure. That’s why socialism is a bad idea. You can’t win unless somebody, somewhere loses.

It’s the same thing with sadness. I was the most miserable after losing my first girlfriend. But that depression didn’t take place until after I had experienced the euphoria of my first real relationship. You can’t have the perfect party without the equally perfect hangover the next morning.

I don’t wish I could go back to the days where I enjoyed being home by myself. I have more friends now, and I’m more involved- with everything. I’m in clubs now. I play a sport for my school. I’ve integrated into multiple groups of friends. Call me shallow, but I’m more popular now than I was then. Popularity does matter, and it doesn’t stop mattering until after you’re fully removed from the high school community.

I’m so sullen now because I know how much fun I could be having. I’ve had so many experiences since Sophomore year. I’ve made memories. I’ll never forget the ugly sweater gift exchange back in December, or my first kiss Junior year.

But not all memories are good ones. I’ll never forget this past Halloween, no matter how much I want to. Either way, I don’t wish it hadn’t happened. Bad experiences serve to amplify the good ones.

So no, I don’t want to go back to a version of me that didn’t hate being home on a Saturday night. Infrequent bouts of boredom are a small price to pay for making these past couple years of my life memorable. The only way to relieve the pain is to erase the frame of reference, and that’s something I absolutely don’t want to do.

Is that a vibration? I think so. Finally.

8:18. No new notifications. There was no vibration. Fuck my life. I hate myself. I hate everyone.