Chapter 10
“Love: part II: Love- to not pride myself on what I’m good at but instead, sit reticent while listening to every word she has to say. To embrace each waking moment I have with her tangled within the strength of my arms. To gently touch her scars from past trials and defeat, only wanting to heal them and never cause further emotional destruction. To look her in the eyes only letting truth fall from my lips. To never allow her to go a single day questioning her own worth and the place she holds in my heart. She only deserves my very best to my absolute worst. It is my responsibility to maintain an appropriate stature, never placing pain in her heart, worry in her mind, or set that pretty face to frown. Never letting my love be a mystery, but to let it flourish willing and innocently. Tears that may fall should be granted upon optimism, not as a result of my arrogant negligence.”
“So my best friend, Johnny’s, pit-bull was killed by Anti-freeze poisoning yesterday.” I scratched at my goatee, waiting for Sky to respond.
“Holy fuck! Is he all right?”
“Not at all. We are pretty positive who did it, though.”
“So, what are you guys gonna do?”
“It was probably this guy Charlie who has been giving us trouble.”
“Why does this guy have such a vendetta against you and your friends?”
“Funny story, uh… I used to date his girlfriend back in high school. I have been messing around with her lately and he found out about it and kicked my ass as a result. He wasn’t in any position to stop until I finally left Nicki alone. But we haven’t spoken in days and this guy is still after us.”
“Damn! That’s some crazy ass shit you’ve got going on. What all has gone on between you guys?”
I took a large intake of smoke before explaining the whole situation. I was certain she thought I was an insane jackass for what I’ve done lately, but instead she was interested and wanted every detail. By the end of my rant, Sky opened up and began telling me about a horrible breakup she had not too long ago.
“I’m sorry you’re going through all of that shit. A while back I was really into this guy, I mean he was everything I wanted down to perfection. I ended up moving to Chicago to wait for him because he said he needed to get the money to come with. Well, I waited for almost two weeks and it eventually became annoying. The constant “Oh, I’m working on it, I’ll be there soon, baby” got on my fucking nerves. A girl I’m like best friends with now, called me one day telling me how she walked in on him with another girl. It literally shattered my heart, I just couldn’t believe it. I moved all the way here for him, to a fucking city I knew nothing about, not knowing a single person. He just left me and didn’t give a shit. I was set in denial over the fact that anyone could be so fucking heartless, ya know? I’ve had worse relationships, but that’s what landed me here in Chi-town. I love it now that I know people and am doing well for myself. But at first, I honestly had no idea what the fuck I got myself into.”
“That’s insane! I’m glad you’re so strong-willed and have the power to keep moving forward. That’s quite admirable.” I went on telling her about my past with Nicki, hoping her opinion about me wouldn’t change. It was the complete opposite.
“I’ve never really been one for indulging in thoughts of getting tied up and beaten by a lover. Probably because another ex of mine and I used to get into physical altercations. I wouldn’t consider myself an “over the top” rough candidate in bed, but I usually adjust to my partner.”
“Wait, you let another guy beat up on you?” I literally wanted to slam my laptop shut, find this girl and change her fucking life.
“Don’t judge me! Lol. I was in love with him, or at least “thought” I was. He was my first for everything, that’s why I took it so hard. It’s not like he beat me to a pulp or anything, we’d just slap and I’d shove him around, ya know? Shit like that. To think about it all, it was just a horrible relationship. He’d make fun of me when we were younger because I had bad acne. Calling me things like pizza face, and a greaser… etcetera. He also told me no one would ever love me or want me because of how I looked. He was just an insensitive asshole. But now that bitch is overwhelmed with regret because I went from “ the ugly duckling” to what I look like now and his ass can’t stand it!”
“I must agree, you are just uh…yum? Ha ha.” I almost felt stupid for saying that.
In the middle of our conversation, my phone started buzzing across my side table. I leaned over to see Tiffany’s name etched across the screen and wanted to ignore it, but curiosity got the best of me. I flipped it open to a picture message and what I saw nearly gave me a fucking heart attack. A positive pregnancy test sat on my screen, clawing at my eyes but I couldn't look away. I immediately dialed her number, only letting it ring once; Tiffany ignored my call. I sent a text begging for her to answer or to call me back ASAP. Instead, I went all night with anxiety nestled in my gut.
“Shit...” I muttered, digging my nails into either side of my face.
I lost interest in just about all I had planned that evening. What was I going to do if Tiff decides to hold me accountable out of anger and keeps the child? My web of endangerment was thickening and I found it quite troublesome to break free.
I lied in bed for hours without sleeping, trying to conjure up what the fuck to do. I had to turn to the only person I considered to be closest with, so I called Trent over. At first, he was disgruntled over to the fact that I disturbed his rest at 2 AM for advice, but he later lightened up once I explained the extension of my issue.
“Man, what the fuck is going on now?”
“Shh, dude, lower your fucking voice before my father kills us both!”
“Sorry.” He whispered. “Tell me what happened.”
“I was talking to Sky and got a picture message from Tiffany.”
“Of her tits?” He joked.
“Shut the hell up, would ya? No, how about a goddamn pregnancy test? And guess what? That shit was positive!” I whispered loudly.
Trenton cupped my mouth with his massive hand to hush me. “What are you gonna fucking do, Malice? Can you not fertilize every female you plow, you shithead?”
“I don’t fucking know? What do you think I should do? And now’s not the time for your smartass remarks either, this is serious.”
“I think for starters, you both need to talk in person. Then have her agree to get an abortion, break clean and call it a fucking day, bro. That’s what I’d do.”
I dug my nails into my scruff, dragging them down to my chin, contemplating. “I guess I could do that.”
Trent gripped my shoulder. “No, you will do that. The last thing you fucking need right now is a damn kid.”
I nodded in agreement, walking him to my front door. "Try and get some sleep, would ya? I'll see you later."
I tried calling Tiffany once more before forcing myself to sleep. All I got in return was a text message telling me that we’d talk about it tomorrow. Great. That’s all the clarity I needed.
The following day…
Tiffany approached me with haste as soon as she saw me. “Bri is having another get-together--if you’re interested?”
“That’s not what we need to discuss right now. And yes, I know. Trent told me earlier.”
Her posture sagged with a sigh. “Why are you so worried about it?”
“Uh, because it’s my fucking child?” My chest tightened.
“It might not be...” Her eyes veered off.
My head cocked slightly, as I narrowed my eyes. “What in the fuck does that mean?”
“It means it could possibly be someone else’s. I fell victim to a weak moment, bedding someone out of spite.”
My eyes enlarged while my brain scrambled to find words. “Who else have you been seeing?”
“Saw… it was only once.” She corrected. “And you’re going to hate me after I tell you.”
“Tiffany,” I lowered my voice, remaining firm. “Who the fuck did you sleep with?” My heart pounded in my chest, studying her behavior.
“Charlie...”
My mouth fell open, standing in the middle of solid oblivion. The room spun around me and the floor suddenly quaked like it was about to drop out from beneath me. Charlie’s name echoed inside of my head, causing me to fall over. I hit the linoleum hard with a faint. Trenton and his father helped stand me to my feet when I came back around and I only wished that I was having a bad dream.
“Whoa, that felt weird.”
“Yeah, you fainted. Are you all right?”
“Yes, thanks. Tiffany, we aren’t done discussing this.” I said before walking away.
I sat in a brooding silence on the way to Bri’s house. In time, a headache surfaced from clenching my jaw like vice grips all day long. I was pissed and couldn't stop thinking about it.
“Dude, chill out! We are going to have fun. Are you okay, though?”
“My head is starting to hurt.”
“Here, take one of these.”
A white pill sat in the middle of Trent’s palm. I shined my phone across it to determine what I was about to swallow; it was a 10mg Percocet.
“Well, I’m about to be extremely fucked up.” I chased the pill with the amber liquid that filled my flask.
“I told you that you’d find use for that damn thing. Let me get some.”
Once we arrived, I noticed my motorcycle parked behind Johnny’s car. I guess he wanted to surprise me and it worked. Tiffany was posted poolside with Bri and some other girls I didn’t know and seeing Trent, Bri jumped up to greet us while Tiff remained seated. Just to be an ass, I plopped down beside her, taking a swig from my flask before speaking. My arrogance began to surface its little head the more I drank. “What possessed you to do such a stupid thing? My enemy, I mean seriously?”
I was way past the point of being sober as anger pulled at my nerves, forcing the jackass to come out of me.
“I don’t know what I was thinking, I guess I wasn’t. I didn’t consider the long-term effects.”
“That’s apparent.” I sneered.
“Look, it was a huge mistake and I’m sorry. I’m going to get an abortion, regardless.”
“I mean, how’d you even get that psycho obsessive bitch to sleep with you, anyhow?”
She looked taken aback by my comment. “Okay, uh--rude much? Anyway, I ran into him at the store and we began talking after he complimented me on my looks. Telling me some bullshit about how familiar I looked, this that and the other. Once he told me who he was, the plan just unfolded before me. I wanted to get you back because you really hurt me, Mali." I remained mute. "So, he invited me over and I gladly accepted. I started feeding his ego then he advanced by pulling me onto his lap and in a matter of seconds we were having sex on the edge of his bed. We both knew why I was there but no in your regards.”
"Wow, was he the easy lay--or were you? I'm just trying to get the story straight." I carried a smug grin. "How was it?"
“Are you serious? Why do you even want to know that?”
My hand took her in by the throat, squeezing so tightly the veins in my hand began to bulge. “You're so interested in my rough side. How are you feeling about it now?" I flung her away, taking another sip of bourbon.
“I dare you..." Tiff's eyes swirled with turmoil and reject. "To touch me in that way again. It'll be the last."
“Good.” I stood to my feet, ready to get the hell out of there.
“Hey, Mali. Catch.” Johnny hollered.
I raised a hand, feeling the impact of my bike keys meet my palm.
“I saw that you finished her. She looks immaculate. I really do appreciate it.”
“Well, surprise!” He smiled. “Take better care of her this time round.”
Before I could walk off, I saw Nicki leading a group of her girlfriends through the back gate.
“Where the fuck is this bitch?” I knew she was bound to start a fight and I couldn't let it happen.
“Oh shit... ” Trenton choked on his beer.
“Is that her, Mali? Huh? Is that Tiffany?” Nicki yelled at me.
Instinctively, I stood in between the two of them because I knew Nicki would wreck Tiffany, and light her fucking world up.
“Who is this bitch who obviously wasn’t invited?” Bri stood up, walking over to where we were gathered.
"Innocently driving by, I saw Trent's truck and there was your motorcycle. One of my gal pal's has a fling that resides a street over. Let's not be rude, Malice. Introduce me."
The entire crowd became silent, lingering in awkwardness that exaggerated the controversy.
“Malice, you’d better fucking answer me now! Stop protecting that little cunt!” Nicki bit out.
She had rage in her eyes and I knew the extent of intensity she was feeling inside.
“Nicki, please don’t do this.” I lowered my voice.
“What? Defend my fucking relationship? That bitch fucked my boyfriend and I want to know why!”
My eyes darted intently into hers, recapping her public announcement of admitting her official relationship status.
“He’s a pitiful fuck for starters...”
Before Tiffany could finish her sentence, Nicki flew through me, tackling Tiffany to the ground. Sitting on top of her, Nicki began whaling the shit out of her but Tiff didn't let that stop her. In the midst of angry screams, Tiff rolled over, attempting to restrain Nicki from getting in another lick while Johnny and Trenton pulled them apart. For some reason, I just decided to stand there and watch instead of being the hero. I was the very reason why they were fighting, to begin with and I knew it. Trenton held Nicki back and Johnny restrained Tiffany while they continued squirming, trying to get at one another. It was utter madness, biut who didn't love a good cat fight?
“Stay the fuck away from my boyfriend, slut! I know she’s your little fuck toy, Malice. But, I’d advise you to keep her on a tighter leash because next time… it won’t be so good for her.” Nicki cut her eyes, yanking away from Trenton’s grasp. "You better watch your back, princess." Nicki and her flock hee-hawed all the way out of sight.
Colton followed to verify their exit was complete, putting a thumb in the air, continuing to drink his beer.
Looking back at Tiffany, I remained smug with disgust. “Now look at you’ve caused. Jesus Christ!”
“Correction, look at what you’ve caused, asshole!” Tiffany then stormed off, seeking comfort from a friend.
I drew in a ragged breath trying to process what just happened.
“Bro, you need to keep your hoes on better lockdown. I thought Nicki was gonna whoop some ass!”
I glared at Trenton before taking off into the darkness.
“You’ve been drinking, Malice! Don’t you dare ride that bike home!” Colton yelled after me.
I shot up my middle finger, continuing to leave. I was anxious to ride my bike, cranking the engine with rejoice, but I struggled to see the road ahead of me. I sped out of the neighborhood until I got onto the highway. I wanted to take advantage of the free road space by riding the center line, watching the night sky pass by overhead. Coming up to a red light, it seemed to have taken forever just to turn green. Meanwhile, a car pulled up next to me playing extremely loud music. I glanced over and saw Dean and Raymond. In disbelief, I squinted to be certain on who it was staring back at me.
“Healed up nicely I see, Malice.” Dean grinned.
I flared my nostrils and defiantly spit on the side of his car. Watching the light across the pavement reflect green, I jerked my head forward, snapping back the throttle and flying down the street. I didn’t think twice about giving them any lead way to endanger my life this time. I was infuriated and crazed in the membrane. I wanted to feel the peril creeping in on me the faster I went. I needed something to remind me that I was alive--breathing and willing. There was nowhere to hide being surrounded by a violent force. This was my life and I needed to change it.
Finally making it home, I snuck into my house, stumbling down the hallway. I fell into my nightstand with a crash in search of the cord that hung from my ceiling fan. Due to my failed attempt, I sat on my floor for God knows how long while trying to stop the room from further rotation. I went from feeling dizzy to nauseated to high and sick all over again. Resting my head atop my knees, taking slow, deep breaths, Sky's message tone sounded on my laptop making me jump out of my skin. I flew onto my bed, ignoring the urge to vomit while waking up my monitor just to see what she said.
“You awake?”
I looked down at the keys as they appeared to grow in size, then shrink again. I violently shook my head trying to clear my vision to reply. Yes--my savior. The very person I longed to talk to.
“Yes, but barely. Lol”
“Fucked up?”
“Extremely...”
We talked again for a few hours while I sobered up. This time, things reached a more critical level. I told her about how my father was towards me and how my mother is now, since her accident. I wasn’t fishing for sympathy, just someone to listen and she did just that.
“I’m so sorry about how your home life is, that’s terrible how your father is towards you. I wish you weren’t dealing with it all the time. You seem pretty tough though having been through all sorts of shit.”
“You have no idea, so to get my mind on a better subject, I’m curious. What are the meanings behind your ink?”
“Well, my left forearm says “La vita e Bella” Which is “Life is beautiful” in Italian. I also have a clock. I wanted something that represented time. For example, time flies; don’t waste it for it is precious. The third is a quote I got when I was depressed, wanting to just feel something. I needed to drown out my crucial feelings bound by an upset which says “Embrace beauty, be brave, and unique. Believe in dreams have faith in love”, and I have a pink bow on the back of my neck that matches my best friend. My most recent would be on my right forearm of an owl harboring a heart shaped locket. Its resemblance signifies the old saying “A wise old owl sat on an oak, the more he saw the less he spoke, the less he spoke the more he heard, why aren’t we all like that wise old bird?” Pretty much a personal reminder to always be wise about who I decide to let into my heart.”
I just sat there rereading their meanings once more, filing the information away into my memory. This girl was battling something fierce, but her mystery kept me on my toes, causing feelings to adorn and prosper. I returned the detail about my tattoos and told her more of my interests, including what I wanted out of life. That may have been the first time I had verbalized such things. Before I started talking to Sky--I never knew, but something about her made me figure it out.
For days more, we continued staying up with our late talks. I’ve told Sky things that I haven’t really told anyone else. Not even Trent or the guys. There was something incredibly unique about her and it had taken me over. Perhaps a new feeling of hope sat in bloom?
Photo credit is by me-the Author
Ky.