Love her, hate her - writings by Lily Zara

What has it taken for me to survive?
What has it taken for her to survive?
It has taken her talents, her knowledge, her self-esteem.
The isolation has overpowered her.
Sometimes she is okay, but then the pain comes, slowly creeping up behind her. Into her skin, into her bloodstream, into the deepest parts of her soul.
Then she shuts down.
She can’t take it anymore.
Her heart keeps beating in a rapid pace, her breath shortens and she needs to let go.
Her mind is lost, confused. It seems unfocused and blurry.
What happens next?
ANGER!
The feeling of the powerless and she wants it to go away, but it’s not that easy.
Nights are long; nights are lonely, nights are full of desperation and fear.
I love her….
Sometimes, sometimes I hate her.

Originally written on May 26, 2011