Maybe I Don't Try Hard Enough

Looking in the mirror.

Or maybe I just don't deserve your attention. Maybe I just took it for granted for unexplainable reasons. Maybe it was pure ego, driving me greedy and needy, keeping me enslaved to my earthly desires. Maybe it is pure arrogance, contaminating one's mind, making one infinitely thirsty, unable to control their temper. Or maybe it is just human nature, keeping us constantly hungry as a motivator in order to keep our species evolving and progressing, but also inevitably letting it burn in its own fires, collapse under its own weight. I trusted you and thought you would always be there. But maybe I didn't try hard enough.

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Talking to my past self.

To me, our differences never mattered. I've always thought we're all different colours of the same electromagnetic radiation. Just different reflections. So special and unique with all those trivial differences of ours. Yet so similar. Like pieces of a puzzle. We are different pages from the same book of life, different drops in the same ocean. Different stars in the same sky and different words in the same holy sentence of life. Those beautiful differences actually unite us. We all form together the bigger picture. Alone and isolated we're just pixels. I tried to protect you from inner conflict and let you know. But maybe I didn't try hard enough.

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Talking to my future self.

I used to judge people. I was probably too immature and scared but that's not the case anymore. I realized how wrong I was. You can never know what a person has been through. You don't have to worry, just be yourself. I won't care how you look like or what you 're dressed in. You can keep that eccentric hairstyle and all those bad habits you might have developed. That's another reason why I used to judge people; see, it's easy to have an opinion on everything. Now I only judge myself for being judgemental, so you can be yourself when I'm around. I repeat myself because I want to make sure you feel comfortable with me by now. But maybe I didn't try hard enough.

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Talking to Nature.

At first they told me you where responsible for my existence. But then I realized I am responsible for your protection. I didn't treat you right. I disrespected you. I was blinded by greed and ignored your needs. I took advantage of your love and care. I tried to exploit the richness of your lands and poisoned your soils. I was in such a hurry to generate profit that I contaminated your oceans. I tortured your animals and took their fur, nails and teeth in order to make money. I polluted your atmosphere with all sorts of chemicals and exhaust fumes. I did it for power. You were my only provably existent God, but I kept worshiping anything and everything but you. I tried to realize the reason of my existence. But maybe I didn't try hard enough.

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Talking to God

I don't know anything about you. I've been trying to understand but as I grow up it's getting harder and harder thinking about you. I've made millions of mistakes in my life and learned from those mistakes. I also learned that I should never judge, not only because it's not nice, but also because I've realized that there's always knowledge out there that once you obtain things start to make sense. So I've always feared of waking up to certain news that would prove my past beliefs totally wrong and therefore make me look like a fool to my own self. But it's hard not to judge you. I'm thankful for everything in my life which couldn't be more blessed, however I still can't turn my back to this world's gigantic inequalities and injustices. Too many innocent babies are suffering out there. I'm afraid you wouldn't have any excuse about this. Because if you are true, then you must be either too busy or too weak. I would protect all innocent babies if I had your godly power. I still fail to realize why you do not. Is it that life on Earth doesn't actually matter or is it that you don't actually exist? I can't believe that you do not exist, I see you everywhere in Nature, your presence is obvious everywhere in this Universe. Besides I really hope you exist. I prefer burning in hell than ceasing to exist. The idea that we cease to exist once we are dead is absolutely terrifying to me. I've been trying for years to understand. But maybe I didn't try hard enough.

“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.”
― Albert Einstein

Thank you for your attention!
Highest Regards
@lordneroo