New Decade - Same old feelings

When I was at old house eating for new year's table I came across with an interesting point in my life. I think the same thing I tought when I was a child: That the world is a shit.
Yes, I thought It when I was 6 years old - 7- years old - 8 years olg - 15 years old - 20 years old 24 years old.

This april im gonna get 25. I think a lot of things. Did I waste my life? Am I the stupid one that I runned away for those years? I don't know. I only know that I wanted to kill myself a lot of times and I didin't do it. So, I won a lot of battles.
I was sorrounded by idiots. When I was 18 I had a "boyfriend" or something like that tought that he was the cleverest fucker in the world because he was young and finished high school. But he didin't know how to fuck, we dranked a lot of beer.. I lost my head and I don't remember what happen that night. A month later, I had 3 condoms inside me, an infection and a painfull vagina. Yes, 3 Im not lying. Vulnerability , lack of feminism, I don't know.. I was a shit at that time.
What did he say? nothing. I didin't tell nothing to him because he was with another girl and "I was the whore" He won't believe me, a told people and they laugh, people is a shit. I won, I think. My sarcasm gave me this strenght. I'm a shit as the shit I hate.

#writing
My mother told me that I told her that I had Hypnotic powers when I was 6 years old, I could read minds and feel people's emotions. I said that world was a shit because It was full of stupids. Then, Am I a fucking narcissistic asshole since I was 6 years old? She told me that I talked to animals and plants and was very angry of human's pollution, I didin't like things people do, from killing animals to think as the big brother..
I don't know. When I was at school I only thank my parents because I coundn't finish that shit If they won't be always up to me and telling me to do that.
As a violinist Im always thinking about following the others all the time, I mean, not a group, instead, being a person who thanks to fear his inside don't be himself.. "What would they think, this music has been played the same way from years" things like that.. that is OK , play as you wish.. but as you wish.. Y-O-U
I'm the same child into a travel machine, My body has grown and my life has given an unexpected turn, but, I'm the same and I'm always that child who hates de world and was fixed by love and hate all the time.

iS DIFFICULT to me to be part of a group. I feel insecure all the time and the only thing I want to do is to go home and sleep, eat, watch some movies and laugh with some beer and watching South Park.. depression? Sure. I keen on that..