New Story - again written exclusively on Steemit - WiP - Bouncer Part 1

in writing •  7 years ago  (edited)

I started a new story to share on Steemit. It's not my usual type of tale, but I decided it has legs so I'm going to let it run.

Meet Zack, my newest character. I hope you like him.

pictures from Google free to use search


Chapter 1

“Hey Boss,” Zack said, walking into the small office.

The Boss glanced up from his ‘paperwork’ – betting slips strewn across his desk and a racing paper with times and statistics of the horses running. He nodded at Zack but his eyes had already gone back to the paper.

“Hey, what can I do for you?” he said.

Zack got the feeling that there was nothing the Boss would like less than to hear what he could do for Zack.

Zack checked out the Boss’s two goons – Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dummer as he’d dubbed them right after their first encounter. They lounged around the office all day, doing very little, with no chance of getting their hands dirty.

Zack half-smiled at the baleful glares that greeted him. The feelings of distrust and disdain were mutual.

“Nothin’. I’m handing in my notice,” Zack said. He stood in front of the tatty desk, waiting for the Boss to process his words.

The Boss put down his racing paper and looked up properly for once. He placed both hands palm-down on the surface of the desk. Zack guessed he wanted to make Zack feel secure that he wasn’t about to pull a gun on him or anything.

That was just one more thing against working at the club – too many wanna-be gangsters living off other people’s reputations. It got too difficult to keep track of who was to be believed any more.

“You’re quitting?” The Boss said. His voice sounded nonchalant but his eyes glinted dangerously and his mouth set in a hard line as he studied Zack’s reaction.

“Yep,” Zack said, matching the nonchalant tone. “It’s the end of the line for me.”

“You’re not bored, are you?” the Boss said, laughing.

It took a second or so for that to percolate through the goons’ skulls but they gave a humourless chuckle too.

“No, not bored,” Zack said. He offered nothing else by way of information.

The Boss studied him. He rubbed his chin, and one eyebrow gave a flick as he came to his decision.

Zack didn’t show it, but he was on full alert. The goons moved from their reclining positions and stood just behind Zack, one to either side.

“Who’s poached you, Zack?” the Boss said.

Zack knew that the answer he gave would lead to a number of possible outcomes.

He’d get a battering right there and then, he’d be on tenterhooks waiting for the battering to arrive one dark night when his guard was down and he was alone, he’d get a battering in full view of his peers, colleagues, customers and new boss or they’d be satisfied with his answer. While being satisfied didn’t mean a Golden Handshake or anything, it meant he’d leave without a price on his head.

“No one poached me. I have more respect for you than that,” he said. “I’ve come in to a bit of money and I want to set up my own security firm. I want to step back from this. I’m not getting any younger.”

The Boss listened and took an age to decide his reaction. He nodded, corners of his mouth turned down as though he considered Zack’s response to be reasonable. Then he extended his hand for Zack to shake and the tension in the room evaporated. The goons slid back to their previous positions and Zack breathed an inward sigh of relief.

Zack shook his hand. “Thanks for that, Boss. I appreciate it.”

“This firm,” the Boss said. “You’ll be looking for clients?”

“Yes, eventually.”

“Keep my number,” the Boss said. “You know what you’re doing where the security game is concerned. I’ll consider employing you for the clubs I run.”

“I wasn’t expecting that, Boss,” Zack said. “Thank you.”

“De nada,” the Boss said, waving his hand as a gesture of ‘think nothing of it – and get out of my sight’.

Zack nodded that he understood and left the office.

He walked slowly, head down as though considering what had occurred. He heard the buzz of conversation start and the door closed behind him.

‘So, not quite out of the woods,’ he thought. He’d have to keep a wary eye open until the Boss was satisfied that he wasn’t jumping ship and defecting to another Firm.

Zack knew what the dangers of Door Security were, he also knew that a lot of his potential clients were at odds with each other and balancing that little lot out would be a task in itself.

Bored? More like insane!



Page 1 longhand - in my near-indecipherable scrawl

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Interesting setup! Now I need to read part 2! Thanks for writing! We need more people to set their stories free. :)

I tried to write stories when I was younger. Never managed to be creative enough... this is a good story, you have the talent for it and I really enjoyed the language and the structure of the story.

Thank you. It's not necessarily an immediate skill. I've been writing for a few years now and my writing is far better than it was... maybe I'll show some of my old stuff - maybe not ;)

Please do 😀 I think it will be really really motivating! It will be amazing! Please 🙁

I've done a few posts on a similar vein, they seemed popular. I'll have a look through to see if it works :)

I loved it! I can tell the rest of the story is going to be intense!

Yeah... I get that feeling too :)

It's exciting ;)

good post

While I was reading this chapter, the theme song from Sopranos was constantly playing in my head.
I guess Zack wouldn't get off that easy with his "resignation". By the way, is Zack's boss Russian or Latino?

Thank you!

I'm not sure what he is at the moment... my characters haven't divulged that information yet :)

Well, should you decide that Zack will have to deal with Russian mobsters, I will gladly help you with the language and all other corresponding issues. I'm not Russian myself but I know the language on the native level.
I asked it because "De nada" (Ne nada) is what Russians usually say in that context.

What about if the guy is a pseudo-Russian? He likes to give the air of menace but doesn't quite get it right?

Oooh! Thank you! I can see another fork for this particular story.

Thanks for the offer too!

Making him pseudo-Russian is a marvelous idea, indeed. It will add a note of humor to the story which is always a big plus.
It reminded me of the movie "Lord of War" starring Nicolas Cage, particularly the part where he told that his father pretended to be Jewish.

Not seen that, but I'm going to look!

Looks like a good film, I like Nicholas Cage.

I NEED to see this film!

I liked your new character Zak, especially it became interesting to know the continuation and how events will develop further, and reading your works, I can say that there will be surprises, you know how to intrigue. Thanks, it's interesting.

Thank you :)

Holy jings, you write longhand. You must have a hand of iron!

I can't do longhand anymore, although I used to. Now I'm lucky to still be able to type most of my stuff. I still keep a notebook and pen in my bedside table though, because ... you never know!

I use my phone for everything!

Well, 'write' is a bit extreme... it's scrawl ;)

Lol, perhaps but I would only get a paragraph in and my hand would be on fire!!

Not gonna respond to that... too easy ;)

Wahhhaaaa haha!!

Awesome [email protected] .This post upvoted and resteemed.

Hi, I look forward to seeing how you develop the character Zack as he sets out on his own.
Nick

I'll give it a read. I hope it's good.

Dear, every post of yours is very beautiful. And I'll wait for your next post. Thank you

Dear friend
Your story is absolutely fascinating to readers.
From today I will read you every day
sweared.

Dear Friend very excellent story

Sounds like Zack is opening up a big can of worms. Well, we'll see how it goes.

  ·  7 years ago Reveal Comment

That's great zak and great characters. Have fun every buddy......

Nice story dear
I just can't wait for your next story

Hey, thanks for sharing your handwriting somehow it makes the story all the more intriguing. Like hot off the press. :)

got my popcorn and a soda...resting my feet up on the back of the seat in front of me...eagerly waiting for more..upvoted and resteemed

You've got a real knack for dialogue! I feel like this could be turned into a great serial on Netflix. I hope to read more!

Great start: certainly interested in Zack and his future! Wow, you write in long hand! I taught myself to type back in the 80's and never looked back. But then no one can read my handwriting. Not even me! Looking forward to chapter 2! :)

@michelle.gent
Intrigued :-)

Nicely written. I just happened on it. I have bookmarked for reading later.

Ok! Part 1, read! ;P ... Put me write into Chicago 100 years ago... Hehe. Looking forward to the rest of it!