This is turning out to be quite a tale (I know, my opinion...) and I think it'll make a novel-sized story.
I'm listening to the feedback and if something resonates, I've decided that I'll go with it (thanks @kiwideb).
Feel free to give feedback on characters, storylines etc - even if you think it's harsh.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38
Pictures from Google free to use search
Please note: This is the FIRST DRAFT, no editing, written straight onto paper. I don't know how to highlight that any more than it is. I'll NOT be making any alterations to what's already been written. As a good friend and excellent author has said, First draft is a race to get the story down before it decides to stop telling itself to you. Thanks Glenn. @alienbutt
87 pages, 34,217 words so far.
What do you think of this for a cover?
Most of the staff came from the local town and Zack knew a lot by sight if not by name. The barman serving at that moment was someone Zack knew by name because he’d known him for a long time.
Davey spotted Zack, grinned and spoke to the barmaid to the side of him.
Davey left his duties and the busy bar, went around the back and two more people, a young, slightly too-skinny guy and a girl with perfect make-up and multi-coloured hair came to the bar area to start taking orders and serving drinks.
Then Davey approached Zack. “Hey, Zack,” he said, extending his hand. “It’s been… how long?”
“A little more than a week if I can still count,” Zack said, shaking his hand and matching his grin.
“Yeah, a week. Things move fast in the entertainments business,” Davey said. “Thanks for putting a good word in for me. This is the kind of thing I’ve been working up to.”
“I know, that’s why I could put a good word in,” Zack said. “If you’d been a slacker, there’s no way I’d have told the club to look in your direction.”
Davey nodded. “Deb’s here too,” he said.
“Yeah, I know, but I’ve not seen her yet. She’s on the other bar and I’ve not had chance to catch her.”
“She’s not on the other bar,” Davey said. He seemed shocked that Zack didn’t know.
“She isn’t?”
“No, she’s in the VIP room, she’s working that bar,” Davey said. “She’s my assistant bar manager.”
“That’s brilliant news,” Zack said. “I wonder why she didn’t tell me?”
“Probably wanted to keep it quiet,” Davey said. “So, if you speak to her, let her tell you, act surprised. Do not, under any circumstances, tell her I told you. It’s more than my life’s worth.”
“Will do,” Zack said.
Zack watched the bar as he and Davey spoke and after a few minutes, he said in a quiet voice, “That girl, the one with the multi-coloured hair?”
Davey nodded that he knew which one Zack meant but he didn’t turn to look.
“How well do you know her?”
“Not that well. I was there at the interviews and she seemed competent enough, why?”
“Well, she’s selling the tickets back to the customers and pocketing the cash,” Zack said.
Davey’s eyes popped open and he almost turned to look. He caught himself and took a deep breath. He calmed right down before making another move. The men both moved back into the relative shadows so they could see what was happening without being seen to be observing.
They discussed their strategy and decided what was to be done without making too much of a fuss in front of the customers.
Davey went back to the bar after watching for a few more minutes and Zack followed.
“If you have tickets for free drinks, could you please take them over to that bar? Sorry, we’ve used our allocation of drinks for the evening on this bar,” Davey announced.
Davey grabbed his radio and alerted the other bar that they’d have an influx of customers in the next few minutes.
People that were ready to buy drinks with cash stood at the bar and seemed happy that the volumes had shifted out of their way.
The free ticket holders made a move toward the other bar but surprisingly, there was no mad dash for the other bar. The atmosphere was friendly and chilled.
Viktor’s VIP lounge was almost ready for the big unveiling. Nyx stood ready with her cameras. She changed memory cards so she’d have one specifically for the VIP opening ‘ceremony’ and Zack left Davey to deal with his issue.
Zack, Taylor, Liz and Anthony stood to the side and Viktor waited expectantly for quiet.
The invited VIPs stood in a semi-circle around Viktor and waited for his speech.
Both bars stopped serving for the moment and directed the attention of the customers toward the unveiling. The DJ shut down the music and the lights went up a little.
The crowd hushed and waited.
“Thank you for joining us at The Cobalt this evening. I am pleased and proud to unveil the showcase of my nightclubs and the newest, most exclusive VIP lounge in my fleet of clubs.”
He lifted his hands to stop the applause.
“For tonight only, there is an amnesty on the criteria for joining. The fee is still in place, of course, but the background checks are on hold. If you’re interested in joining this most exclusive club, please speak with Liz, the Manager or Anthony, her second in command. For now, though, I’m pleased to announce The Cobalt’s VIP Lounge open.”
He tore at the covering hiding the VIP lounge and the glass wall was revealed.
Hello @michelle.gent
You are really a strong woman
How do you cope with you telling us a story about Dusty, bouncer and organizing story mentorship program for minnows like me?
I really commend your effort .
Thank you.
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I think that is an easy question to answer.
Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
I love writing and I like to share that love with others. I have had a lot of advice and help in my journey and I believe that by helping others, I'm honouring those kind people that helped me.
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Exactly.
Keep on extending your love.
Thank you
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Seems like you’ve really got into a groove with this one as of late..(and the others too- but this one has stood out to me bit).
Oddly enough, this one isn’t my absolute favorite of all your stories but it’s got a certain appeal. You’ve kind rejuvenated my interest in reading fiction/story writing. I used to be so heavily into non-fiction..ie biographies, “how to”, historical pieces...etc.
I guess it’s the organic-ness or watching a story unfold, unabridged/adulterated- strait from the authors mouth. I get to see how your gears were turning as you wrote..as opposed to seeing the condensed, edited version.
I find myself wanting to write more, and get more creative.
Anyways..
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Well, I'm taking that as a massive compliment! Thank you!
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And it is..absolutely a compliment. Your diligence alone is quite inspiring to be honest but your content is what creates the spark- if that makes sense.
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Again, thank you. I'm very fortunate that I've found this platform, it's made it possible for writing to be come my career.
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And by the looks of it, you actually found it rather early on- and then stuck with it. What a great opportunity though.
I feel like I can’t find my niche. Whether it’s writing or whatever...I’ve yet to find what defines me here on Steemit.
Maybe that will change with time or maybe I’m not ONE thing. I think In order for me to have more success- this is what I need to accomplish.
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Yes! For once, I saw the golden opportunity before it got too late :)
I just checked, I was #72,653 to join!
In the first 75,000!
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That’s crazy! I would have loved to get on here that early. I feel like nowadays, it’s harder to get started but honestly it could be the other way around.
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Thanks for sharing your story.
I appreciate your creativity..this fiction is very nice... Resteemit upvote
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Good story
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Thanks for sharing us one more fiction...
If I'm free, I'll try to read the story..
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great story @michelle.gent.
i appreciate your writing.
thanks for sharing.
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I quite like the book cover idea, or perhaps a totally ripped guy standing half in shadow....with a real tough moody look,maybe arms folded. You know, that "don't mess with me" kind of look. 😛
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I don't know why I read this part first, but now am excited to go back and start from the beginning. Intriguing and well written.
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