...................Childhood is like puppydom.
Holds no grudges, hurts none.
Only knows love and builds dreams.
And believes in magic unseen.......
It is my belief that very often, the answers or clarity we seek, lie in the seemingly random and innocent pursuits of our childhood.
“Anybody who has survived his childhood has enough information about life to last him the rest of his days", Flannery O'Connor, Mystery and Manners: Occasional Prose
I often encounter people saying that creativity is not their forte. Or that they feel lost and purposeless. As if life is just passing them by. There is a higher calling but they don’t know what it is for them !! A very difficult quest indeed it is, to find one’s soul call.
Stability for survival is necessary. True. Essential, in fact. But soul fulfilment is being alive and throbbing. It is a simultaneous pursuit ..... like a “Pursuit of Happiness”. And this soul call is all about giving back to the Universe some part of the blessing Universe has given us. Just being happy alone is not happiness. Happiness is when everything around sways in harmony, in a symbiotic rhythm of beauty & grace, to collectively uplift and upgrade. Like a beautiful Walt Disney Symphony ( I love those) . And for this to unfold we need to narrow down on that tricky question - “What is the soul calling us to do?”.
In my quietest of moments, when my heart hurts and I feel lost, and I gaze at the stars, these lines from my childhood whisper in my ears …. Of late, the sound of these words has become louder. I was a little girl when I read them -
“If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain”. ... Emily Dickinson
Often, as a quiet little girl (I was very quiet), lost in my fairy tale world, sitting on window sills, painting my pictures, dreaming, snatches of these words would follow me everywhere.
As I grew up, they somehow began to dictate all I seek, speak, think, feel or do.
The other day I was rummaging through my stuff and I found this needle-work kit I had made in grade 4. On It I had written this quote - “I shall pass through this world but once. Any good therefore, I can do, let me do it now, for I shall not pass this way again”.
Once, I remember, a group of travelling Buddhist monks “Bhikshunis” took shelter in my grandfather’s home in the hills. In those days, a section of our home gave free boarding and lodging to travellers, destitute, and the homeless. So there were always people coming and going and I often found myself serving tea and sitting and listening to the travelogues of many, with my grandmother Ammaji. So, coming back to the bhikshunis, one amongst them said to me, “you are one of us. We will take you with us one day”. What it meant, I understand today.
As a little girl I was always drawing pictures. And I was always looking into far-off horizons and talking to the stars. And all kinds of people always connected with me and I always found myself listening to their tears and smiles and stresses. From our serving staff to my father, aunts, friends, all ages, all strata, I always found myself lending my minuscule understanding to situations beyond my conscious comprehension. Even today, youngsters come with heartaches seeking clarity. A cup of coffee and a chat makes us all happy :)
My favourite fairy tale was The Little Mermaid & The Little Match Girl - both lonely souls on a journey.… Oh! I have gone through a journey- a journey of “dark night of the soul” - the passage of initiation. It's taken a hell lot to come out of there.
Today, those lines by Emily Dickinson, I realise, have become my soul song. I am not great but I honestly do not want anyone to be helpless in their dark moments. I know what it's like. This is my soul path. It heals me if my actions, creations or words help a soul find their power and their light.
Many people pressured me to get into abstracts or "commercially viable" paintings. But my heart was breathing inside a little girl sitting on a window sill in my parents bedroom, looking over a sea of humanity, at the skies, from where she thought her Prince would come and take her on an adventure !! My Prince never came. But I went on a journey that taught me much. And I ended up painting healing soul landscapes that are portals of soul travel into another dimension.
Dreams, Me, Art, Healing & Faith we never abandoned each other. A childhood bond that has always guided me. A recluse I am but not to those who come to me with truth.
Hence I thought that I should write this....
As a child our soul is pure and free. Unshackled and unhindered. Fearlessly it soars, rides the clouds. It dares to dream and dream more. And in the dreams of childhood lies our soul call.
The soul path of fulfilment and of a creative pursuit that has been gifted to us by the Universe, lies hidden in our passions, pursuits and choices of childhood.
I once asked a friend as to what he liked to do as a kid. He said that he loved food. It so happens that he is a damn good cook. Perhaps, chef is his creative soul call. Something that makes him and his orbit happy :) . And a seeker soul,he has a gift of acquiring and retaining information. To travel and seek and share knowledge is his soul call.
And my son… As a little boy he would help a caterpillar home, and hug my tears away with a strength I did not know he possessed. To protect and defend and do the righteous is his soul call. And he never betrays that.
So… look into your childhood. That is where your soul is……..
Let that little childhood dream breathe in your conscious mind.
Turn to it whenever you get time.
Don’t abandon your childhood dream.
Or your soul will cry.
It is a promise you made to yourself.
Fulfil it in whatever little measure you can.
A child is the purest.
Judges not, nor carries grudges.
Chuckles and builds a dream.
Oh! We all need to work.
But to abandon a childhood bond is a crime.
“I do not miss childhood, but I miss the way I took pleasure in small things, even as greater things crumbled. I could not control the world I was in, could not walk away from things or people or moments that hurt, but I took joy in the things that made me happy.”― Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane
Childhood is your higher self.
Connecting to childhood doesn't mean that you jump and scream like a fool. It means you connect to your higher consciousness...your soul & the universe within. For, when tears brim in lonely eyes, the little child kisses them away without asking questions. Doesn't ask what is your status or what religion you pursue. Sits quietly, like a puppy, waiting for a word from a silent heart…. waiting for all to smile again.
In your childhood lies the answer to your soul fulfilment. Your childhood is the bigger picture. It is not as small as it seems.
