Three of the most dangerous words?

in writing •  5 years ago  (edited)


You deserve it.

That reward for exercising hard today? Go on, take it. 

A doughnut. Some chocolate. A packet of chips. Enjoy the sugary sweetness or the salty tang. You deserve it.

That reward for working hard? Go on, take it. 

A glass… or bottle of wine. With a side of cheese and dip and crackers and Netflix. Enjoy the buzz. You deserve it.

That reward for finishing that complex task? 

A social media binge. Go on, take it. Enjoy the dopamine hit. You deserve it.

Why do I reward myself with actions that will only make me fatter, dumber, less productive and less healthy in the long term?

Are these 3 of the most dangerous words in the English language?
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Wired for reward

Quite simply, our brains love a reward. We love the dopamine hit we get from rewards, especially when something unpredictable happens. We even get a dopamine hit by simply anticipating the reward.

No wonder those three little words are so dangerous. 

You deserve it. 

It’s the dopamine calling. 

This feel-good hormone leads us to make poor decisions, to choose the reward that will do us more harm than good in the long term. 

Reward for re-wiring

Thankfully, our brain’s neuroplasticity allows us to create new neural pathways that change our behaviour.

In the past two weeks, I’ve implemented a self-imposed social media ban between work hours. Too often I’d reward myself with a ‘quick’ visit to Facebook. And we all know how that vortex ends, or rather, doesn’t. 

Making the decision to stay off social media was harder than actually implementing it. FOMO triggered. I genuinely fretted for what I would miss out on. I felt anxious. But I did it. 

I did it for me. Not because someone was telling to me stay off the social channels. Nope. For me, intrinsic motivation is the best. 

And my reward?

Two of the most gloriously productive weeks of my life. There’s no going back now. It’s a different kind of pleasure, but I love it even more than a pissy little dopamine hit. 

Perhaps those three words aren’t so dangerous after all. Perhaps all the power lies in what reward you think you deserve. 



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I think the reward system does still work, I just think the gamification and instant gratification sullies the effects. If you work hard at something consisantly with no focus on seeing a result now but have a goal in site, like a weight loss goal, business goal, skills development goal. Once you hit that after weeks, months even years the pleasure is well worth it.

I think we should look at I deserve it as a more long term play


FYI I also nominated your post as my @pifc curation post of the week. You can find my nominaiton here and if you're keen feel free to join us each week in finding new authors like yourself

  ·  5 years ago (edited)

Interesting post, shame that I see you’ve been here longer than most people but haven’t had much success! Hopefully with the @pifc contest nomination from @chekohler you’ll be able to get some more traction and some rewards!

From the looks of it, you don’t seem to be using tags people tend to browse, perhaps try some different ones?

The I deserve it mentality is a hard one to break free of. I fall into it occasionally when having a stressful day at work or something, and eat things I shouldn’t be. It kind of makes me laugh that we most often associate it with food instead of other things. Then again who doesn’t love a chunk of chocolate cake?!

:D Dopamine is a bitch, but without life would be really boring.
Well, I'm not really into social media. After I stopped watching TV in 2005, I stopped listening to radio, also newspaper and magazines (mostly). How I had ever only a few friends I was also not so affected by social media. But still my dopamine is calling to distract me, there is a new book, here is a new course, and now I started with Steem.
When I read somthing I open mostly tabs expontencialy in my browser, so I discovered through @chekohler your post and got exited what I found in your blog. I wish I would more content like this on steem, and makes me completly overthink the content I put public on steem. I should start to write in a form of what I want to consume.


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Your post was featured in an entry into @pifc's Curation Contest:Week 65. Posts are selected because the entrant felt you are producing great content and deserve more attention (& rewards) on your post. As such your post has been upvoted and will be visited by other members of the PIFC Community.

We are always looking for new people to join our curation efforts. This is a great way to meet new people and become part of a community that focuses on helping one another.

Want to promote a post for free and have a chance to find some other great content? Check out this week's Pimp Your Post.

The Pay It Forward community also has a Discord Channel if you are interested in learning more about us.

Nothing like a social media ban to prove to yourself how much life you are not living :) I hope you continue to fight the good fight!

Thank you to @chekohler for featuring your post in his Pay it Forward Curation Contest entry :) Please check out our weekly contest and consider an entry of your own anytime. It's an altruistic contest, and a great place to develop your own community; a very supportive group of like-minded people :)

Agreed that "you deserve it" is a bad choice for a motivator, though as @chekohler said, there is a place for reward. I agree that society, in general, is well off track here.

I found you today because @chekohler featured you in the Pay it Forward Curation Contest. Keep up the great work!