The Best Fuck You - Part 4 - Finale

Greetings, brother!

Yes, no one is more aware of the bullet wound in my stomach than I, I can promise you that, but look, I have returned with our treasured segway! Those damned bureaucrats won’t go a gallivantin' on this humble stead. No sir! I might be bleeding through my side and right through the make-shift bandage I strapped together, but with segway in hand we may travel freely!

The laddevader is locked. They might be able to hack back in, but only after they find the segway’s spare tire I jammed into a particularly sensitive bit of machinery. We have days. Well, it’s more like you have days. I’m not sure how long I’ll last. Don’t mind the blood that spills down from my cheek. I just have to let it run or else I’ll drown in it. There are worse ways to go. Yes, it’s cold. My god you only care about yourself. No, I understand, brother, but when you contain thousands of lives you tend to loose sight of what yourself.

Let’s keep moving.

Up here to the left just before the airlock, there’s a supply closet and a few lockers. No, no, the segway is only for me now and I might pass out a few times so if you see me leaning a bit too much in a particular direction try to catch me before I wreck the damned thing. Is that the alarm? A little late for that. Yes, that’s the closet.

We’ll need ropes. Throw as many ropes as you can find by my side. That other bag. No, the damned green one! Grab it! It has more climbing gear. Everything we’ll need. Now to the lockers. We’ll need the breathing suits. No not to wear, you idiot. Just carry them for now. This door here. Hold on to the bar there and grab hold of the my segway. I’ve tied myself to it so that holding it will hold me. I’ll enter the code and the door will be released. Be ready to hold tightly. The air in this room will be sucked out and we’ll have only a few moments to make our move. No time to answer your million questions. Here we go!

Keep holding! Keep hold! Gah, my side! We need to go through and get to that high platform! Keep hold of the rail. Climb brother! Climb! Yes! Almost there!

Whew! Look around, brother! Isn’t this a miracle?

But it is a miracle. You’re holding your spacesuit there uselessly in your hands yet you are in space. Do not panic. Don’t get upset. For God sakes, breath. See how easy it is to do so? Now I’m going to tell you something very important, but before I do I need to tell you that you need to turn around to understand. Not yet! You need to know not to look into its eyes for too long. It’ll drop you into epilepsy and then you’ll be useless. Alright, are you ready? Go ahead. Turn around.

Behold! This is the face of God! No, she is no Leviathan. The men with the guns below us they are the Leviathan and they come every so many centuries in every corner of the world when the collective conscious craves order, but the masses can’t quite capitulate the order they think they desire. So they come and they try to take her, they try to give her a run for her money, but her order is a higher order, one that we call things like nature, god, luck, and the universe because we don’t understand. Little change save big lives. New little taxes here, a couple little regulations there will make properties a little less secure and each individual has a little less incentive to create wealth making society a little less adaptable to a changing environment, and centralizes and concentrates power just a little more. A few words outlawed here, a few compelled ones enforced here and there leads to a few of the outsiders silenced here or there. Then there is a mass panic and mass claims of victimhood. The victims rally together against the other, the cause of their society’s problems and they hear only a hiss when they beg to be left alone and they see only snakes as they cut into human hearts and they destroy only to be destroyed, the cycle continues and a new order is brought to rubble, just to rise again in power that serves itself.

In hours, or a few days if my segway tire plan holds as long as it could, they’ll reach her and they won’t know what to do, but disturb her and then they’ll either feel her wrath or the wrath of total war among themselves. Too often she need not be involved in our calamities, but just watches in horror.

It’s good to see her before I go. Like every The Best Fuck You employee I get to behold her at the end. No, don’t go. It’s not time yet. There is still more to see and you’d be dead the second you tried to walk down from this platform. The air from the Infinite Sanctum kept us alive till we could be in her presence. Now our proximity to her is all that’s keeping us alive. I said it was a miracle. I meant it literally. Look at that third eye among the keeled scales. I hear whatever process is going in there is what keeps our world together and her presence invisible. There is still so much we don’t know.

Up this ramp, to the great one’s ear. Come. Come. Yes, I have never seen it for myself. Look at this gaping green hole! Have you ever seen something so fantastic? My blood it weeps from my stomach in sincere joy. Give me just a moment to look inside ,here. Yes, it’s as I’ve been told, but the outline of the description I was given has been filled in with brilliant light. Take a look for yourself. Don’t be afraid to really shove your head up in there. I know how it smells. Do you see it? Is that urine covering your pants leg? I knew you were a coward, but Jesus, you’re pissing on God’s face. No, do not fear. She doesn’t care. When it comes down to it she really is a lizard. She’s just a lot more, as well . Yes, yes, it is what you see! Yes, it does quite look like a game of pong going on in there.

Something is thrown out and something answers with something like what was already thrown, but turned by the recipient and so on and so on. This is what is in you and it’s what is in me and everyone else and all the other sentients. It’s the reason we can communicate. Yes?

Yeah, what you would call the ball in the game pong. Yes, you are correct my brother. That is The Fuck You. Some say it was the first abstraction in language. Before that it was what most animal vocalizations were made for and it still is today. It’s the drive that gave us meals enough to leave the trees, to walk. It forged and sharpened our blades to send our singular human message into the hearts of any beast that dared to be near us. Fuck You! We carried it across great plains of volcanic lands and ice to we could shout it through the construction of great monuments and skyscrapers that could be seen for miles like an endless beacon telling us to push and push back. Fuck You! Get Fucked! It’s why we recognize facial patterns, body posture and snakes in the grass. It’s why movement catches our eye because if it doesn’t move then it isn’t worth being fucked. Every human action is a Fuck You to something that we decide, consciously or not, no longer needs to be a part of humanity.

So you see now how Fuck You begets consciousness? Good. Then I’ve served my final purpose to the best of my abilities. I should go ahead and die now before those bastards try to question me. That would be the best Fuck You I could give them. The best Fuck You you could give them would be to take this climbing gear and the breathing suits and climb down God’s crest where they wouldn’t be able to see you. You’ll have enough rope.

If I had the strength I’d travel with you and we could wait out whatever geopolitical disaster that’s going on down there in the warm sanctuary of her cloaca. Hell, if I had enough strength now I could finally touch that ornate glob of beautiful fruit between her legs and I could die at peace, all of me.

What’s that? Oh, I’m wrong then? No, do speak up, half-wit. I’m all ears and no brain. Mm-hmm. Yes. Yes, I see. Interesting. Yes, if I were to die that way that would be the best Fuck You and if you were to help me that would be the best Fuck You for you to give them too. But will you—No! Can you? Yes? Who was I to say you lack responsibility to your potential? I retract that and you being a half-wit. Take my hand, brother. Let’s do this.

First bring me that rope! Being in God’s presence has suddenly stricken me with a brilliant idea! You’re not as big a pussy as I understood. The right information can really change a person to their core. If I weave the rope into this part of the segway here and I release just enough tire pressure to keep the tension of our weight, but to allow for the movement of the rope. Ta-da! We’re still tool users because we still Fuck You! Am I right? Jesus, my side.

Tie this end of the rope to one of God’s crestular scales. Good, now ride this segway up to the edge there and wrap it to your handle bars, we’ll need some of God’s earwax there to lubricate the rope. That’ll be part of your job. Now let it rise above the platform a few feet. Good! Now climb aboard. Can you go up and down? Now jump a few times. Really fuckin’ go ape shit on that thing! Jump like a Goddamned madman! HAHA! We’re back in business, brother!

Lift me on your back. I’ll ties us together, here. I’ll keep feeding the ropes while you work the segway to lower us down and don’t forget to keep the ropes lubricated. We’ll wear the breather suits now so we can climb into the cloaca upon arrival.

I’m suited up and secure on your back. Let us go then, brother. I can see the light disappearing! We must get there before the light hass gone. Jesus, that’s a long way down. Alright steady now. Haha! We’re doing it!

Fuck! Too fast. Steady now. Steady! Good that’s a good pace. Jesus Christ what was that bang! Oh no! Don’t look, my brother!

There are hydrogen bombs are going off. Something has gone terribly awry! I’d say this looks like the beginning of a new cycle, but it’s just an extreme form of the old. Stay focused on the segway. You need not worry about the terror below. You’ll be safe in the cloaca and I’ll be safe in death. My god they’re tearing it all up down there. It’s a good thing we grabbed all the rope!

The cloaca! Quick untie me and let me sink into her loins.

Is your communicator on? Good! Over there, that faint red glow! Follow it. Drag me near her. It’s been so long. There she is. I almost feel all together again. Tell me you don’t see why here in the darkness it would be easy to reach out and end it all. The glove is coming off now, brother. If you have anything else to say, say it now.

That’s the human and profound statement I’ve ever heard. Thank you, brother. It’s been good to know you. I’m glad to leave you in the finest place I know. Do not fear my convulsions. It’s just me departing.

The world is yours.

I love you.

I’m going to embrace her now, brother. Goodbye.

It

Never

Ends.

Adapt.