Chapter 1 : Tom Is Dying (Comment If You Want Chapter 2)

(This is still a rough draft, don't murder me!)
CHAPTER 1 : Tom Is Dying

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I feel Will Ferrell would make a good Tom:

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Tom Is dying, or so he thinks. Tom was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, which is now spreading like wildfire. Tom thought he just had a really bad cough, until he started seeing blood on his hands. Tom, up to this point had lived a quiet, boring, normal life. Tom has no wife, no kids, no family to leave behind. No brothers, nor sisters, even his parents are both dead. Tom is alone, and he thinks he's dying, and so does everybody else.

The doctor gave Tom 3 months to live and to get his affairs in order. "Affairs in order? Who gives a shit when I'm dead?" He said quietly to himself. "Who is going to pay off my debt, when I die? Who is going to pay for my funeral, because I sure as shit ain't paying for that up front. And who gets my assets when I die? I have nobody, literally no one, I could die and nobody would even notice." This, Tom said out loud. The doctor felt sorry for Tom, but not sorry enough to spark up a reply to the series of questions Tom blurted out.

"I will tell you this Tom, a lot of people find comfort in knowing they have just a limited time left, they take that as a sign to live the rest of their lives to the fullest." This was the last time Tom saw this doctor. Tom refused to go back after reading online that his chances of being cured was about on par with winning the lottery, or being struck by lightning.

Tom never liked going to the doctors growing up as a child. He always told his mother, "You never leave a doctor's office healthy, they will always find something wrong with you." This was Tom at 10 years old. What do you think is going through his 40 year old mind? Safe to say, Tom declined the Chemo Treatment.

Tom left the Doctor's office the same as he went in. Alone, and dead inside. Tom figured soon, the outside of him would be dead as well. Rotting away, in a six by three box, six or so feet in the ground. The worms crawling in and out of holes, reproducing until he was half worm, half rotting corpse. Tom chuckled at the thought, and questioned how the bugs and worms got into the casket in the first place. "What shitty carpentry." Tom thought to himself. "Im not paying for that shit!"

The time was 8:30pm, Tom finally arrived home. He thought about heading to bed, so he could get an early start to the morning. (Tom works at a Home Improvement store. I'm not going to name any names, but it rhymes with Dome Hepo.) Tom works in the cabinet and flooring department. He designs and creates kitchens, for customers who are remodeling their homes. Tom has been at 'Dome Hepo' for Twenty-Two years and makes a very good salary. Good enough, to buy a nice house in the hills, and he makes enough to afford his beloved Tesla. That Fucking Tesla. (We will get to that later.)

The next day, Tom arrived to work per usual. Tom took the same route, stopped to get his morning ritual coffee at Starbucks, and arrived exactly 20 minutes before he had to clock in. Tom loved those precious 20 minutes of silence before having to walk into that hell hole of a home improvement store. Tom was ready to burn that place to the ground.

Tom didn't want to tell anybody at work that he only had 3 months to live. He hated everyone there, especially Dave. Dave was Tom's manager. Dave was half Tom's age, and didn't have nearly the experience Tom had. Yet, Dave acted as if he knew everything there was to know about "Dome Hepo."

Dave approached Tom, at Tom's desk. "Hey Tom, did you finish the monthly sales report?!" Dave said, in his utterly, nerdy, dim witted, mother fucking annoying tone. "No Dave, No I did not." Tom replied. Dave shrieked, "Yeah, I know you didn't, because I asked for it yesterday, and it's now today, and I still don't have the god damn sales report Tom." Tom had enough. Tom sat up from his computer chair with fire in his eyes. "You dumb mother fucker, I've worked here for 20 god damn years, you've been here what? 20 minutes? You can take your sales report, and you can shove it straight up your ass. And you can't fire me, want to know why? Because, I quit! And for your two weeks notice, how's this for your two weeks notice?" Tom unzipped his pants, and pulled out his mildly average penis and began to piss on Dave's pant leg. Dave had no words. Tom finished up, zipped up his pants. Gave Dave the bird, for a good 6 seconds, and began to walk to the exit. Jimmy, Tom's co-worker said in total shock, "Awwwwweesome..but sorry about your pants Dave."

Tom was finally free, he decided if he only has 3 months to live, he will do just that, live.

Tom has 5 credit cards with a total limit of $150,000. Tom thought If he was dying, and he had no family to inherit his debt, why not max them all out? Tom got home and purchased a flight to London for the next day on his laptop. Tom had 3 months to live, and he was going to live life the way he always wanted to; a little bit of thoughtless freedom with a hint of reckless abandon. Tom had no idea what was in store for him. Tom had no idea he was going to fall in love, Tom had no idea he was going to be a hero, Tom had no idea he was going to live a long and healthy life.