So for the past 2 going on 3 weeks I have been exhausted, demotivated and not as happy as I usually am.
At first I thought that the reason for my unhappiness and exhaustion was because I hurt my back. I thought that my body was just burning a lot more energy trying to heal me and the pain that was associated with the injury was the cause for my unhappiness. I didn't understand why I wasn't motivated to do anything I should do. I thought I had writers block but everyday I made myself get out of bed. I made myself clean the house and made myself write at least one article a day.
It wasn't until the end of week 2 that I was being honest with myself. I'm depressed again. You see just before it all started Daniel and I received a list from our wedding DJ requesting a bunch of songs we would like. On the list was the father daughter dance. That hit me hard. I always dreamed of dancing with him at my wedding, about him giving me away. Unfortunately I lost my dad before I had the opportunity to do so. It was like reality crashed in on me. Daniel said that we could just skip that part but because I know his mom would love to dance with him I insisted that we keep it.
It's been 8 years since I last saw my dad, it doesn't get easier especially with the big things in life, but you have to pick yourself up and move on. I have come to accept that if Daniel and I should have kids that they will probably never know any of their grandfathers (unless a miracle happens). Depression is unfortunately a real thing, it is easy to fall into and hard to pick yourself out of once you do. It is something you can't fight alone and I'm blessed to have my biggest supporter living with me.
I have to admit that Daniel has been the one that has kept my spirits up. Upon realizing what was really happening with me I felt secure enough in our relationship and his love for me that I could tell him that I am depressed and the reason behind it. He was really understanding, somewhat concerned but mostly honored that I confided in him with the truth. He's been motivating me to take things step by step every day and if there is something that I really don't want to do, he helps me by doing it for me. I think if it wasn't for him I probably would have noticed that I've been depressed a lot sooner but I would also be a lot unhappier.
I know this article hasn't been as funny or as entertaining as my previous ones but live isn't always good. However I did get a theme song for these past few weeks. A little something to lighten the mood.
xoxo
@thegoldencookie
Thank you for sharing, I can relate. Sending you love and light, your Dad will be with you on your big day xx
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Thank you for the kind message. I really appreciate it.
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