God and a Girl

The story of heavenly life and a girl who couldn’t conform after making it there.

Lord listen, she said spreading her hands in frustration. I feared you more than I loved you. I feared that you will strike me, I feared that you will punish me, I feared that you will be angry with me despite my insignificance. I mean, Lord why would you focus on my little misdeeds when there is an entire universe that needs your attention, have you seen the war in Syria?, and the Ebola outbreaks that cleared half a generation? Oh and there is cholera in Kenya now and Weston Hotel has not been shut down but that is beside the point, anyway, I always wondered why I would be your center of attention despite all the other things that needed urgent attention and how any silly act of mine will not escape your eyes but most other things seemed to.

I repented and was careful and now that I made it to the dream land, the same garden out of which you kicked Adam and Eve, and by the way, You didn’t have to use a fruit as an excuse to kick them out, (what fruit was that by the way, because considering the chaos that is going on down there, your people are probably still eating the cursed fruit, there is so much confusion, I can’t even begin to explain, but thank You, You see it all)

You are God and that was bound to happen, so you should have just done it, probably it was time they moved out and a good parent will let their child move out and find a life, maybe You felt they were mature enough to go and fend for themselves, they can only feed on the fruits for so long you know, and if the Fruit was really the problem, why were the rest of us sent down to earth, I mean, we were not even there and I am a woman but I swear I don’t know the taste of the stupid fruit, oh shit, am I allowed to swear here? I have never done that before, so, I want to live here, like I should have on earth, I have proved myself worthy, I hope and the whole idea of singing and rejoicing doesn’t sound so heavenly to me.

I would expect a mansion with servants, a grand living room with a grand piano which I can play, You just have to say the words, right, “play the piano” and the piano was played, a garden at the back of the house, a Jacuzzi, a long list of super cars, which again I will request you to say the words “drive the P1” and it was driven, a sky bar with live performances from the Weekend, Beyonce, Daughtry and all the lot that sings country music, most especially, Brad Paisley and endless parties, that is roughly, my heavenly idea but whatever You say Lord. I am kidding, I want to have an opinion in this one, I mean, we always let your will prevail at all times down there, I always worried that we gave you too much power but then again, we all agreed that we had no power and whatever little we had was because of your unmatchable generosity but now we can talk, I would like to know all the reasons that I never got to see on earth, when You said that it was Your will for people to lose parents, husbands, mothers, daughters and sons, brothers, sisters, uncles, cousins, heck! Even boyfriends and girlfriends, I mean, you are an advocate of love, right, and You dip us into this ocean of love and just take the ocean away and we are left feeding on the sand, all the while, saying it is the Lord’s will, everything happens for a reason, now I need all the reason, I even feel like I deserve them.

Oh, and a fuck load of people down there believe that there are twelve virgins in heaven for those who make it here but I always wondered if that applies to women, because I wouldn’t want twelve men, heck, I couldn’t even keep one good man, I wouldn’t know what to do with twelve of those but I would still say it’s unfair if you give your righteous men twelve virgins and not give your righteous women the twelve virgins, unless of course, we, the women who will make it here will be grouped up in dozens and told, “go thou, to Kamau’s mansion, for thee shall be thy husband” or some shit like that. Sorry I said fuck and shit, but it is heaven right? It’s the ultimate land of freedom, forget America. And those mansions, I think it will be unreasonable, to have them when all we will do is sing and rejoice, see now why I need the concerts, the parties and the Jacuzzis.

Another thing, what is it that makes people forget all the great things you ever did for them just because you one day, told them your salt can is empty and they saw it wasn’t? I mean, you can buy someone two expensive kilograms of Unga but they will still hate you for not giving them salt. I know we kept saying it was human nature but I have this deep feeling that you have a better explanation, so shoot.

The tragedies that befall people, Lord, forget death. I have sometimes looked at people and said, this suffering is worse than death. Why Lord, why would you do that to any one of your creations, I mean, you love your people right? If that is a show of love, please make me understand, because if I, a mere mortal, did anyone wrong in the human world, it would be because of hate or lack of love, but in your precious world, inflicting suffering seems to be a show of love and affection, how is that?

Speak to me, your silence; it is what I have had my entire life except the few times that you literally pulled me from dungeons. Do you know how much I longed to hear your voice during the many nights that I was alone, cold, broken and in tears? How I held on to my pillow and begged You to just embrace me and whisper, It is okay my child. Do you know how many times I doubted your existence when the darkness fell and You shone no lights, the number of times I doubted your promises and held onto my twigs of faith just to get through the day? I know, I know, I mean, how dare I? Right, but how dare You? How dare You let me drown so deep, how dare You let me feel so low, how dare You let me feel so worthless, how dare You? Because You are Lord and I am a toy whose feelings You can just mess with? Was that the only way You could get me to worship and trust in You? Oh wait, are You a dictator? Of course You are, I mean You said, Let there be light and there was light right? I can almost hear the many times You said, Let pain inflict this girl and there was pain, Let sorrow befall this girl and there was sorrow, I am not ungrateful, I know the times You said, let this girl find happiness and I found happiness. It’s just You and me now.

Tell me why You have forsaken your people, why they are suffering and dying, why they are killing each other over nothing, while You, glorious Lord, would not intervene, why You would use us to fulfil your ill will, forgive me but that’s unfair. If You have predestined man to kill another, why punish them for accomplishing Your will? Huh! Say something, defend Your course, make it right!