We get so damn indignant all the time. About everything. It’s such a strange phenomenon how difficult it is for people to try and put themselves in the mindset of another person.

Try it, I dare you.

You think the world is round? Try believing for one full minute it’s flat.

You think there’s no god? Try imagining a deity in the sky that not only judges you, but that craves your love and can help you if you just ask the right way.

You think ketchup is great? Try believing for a full day, that it’s a stupid, sickly sweet sauce that ruins everything it touches and doesn’t belong in the category of food.

Hard, right?

So then where do you stand on eating dogs?

As an American, it’s as sacrilegious as using a crucifix as a pooper scooper, french kissing your mom or refusing a high five at a Super Bowl party. But in plenty of countries around the world, they’re just another animal with meat on their bones, that can be either caught in the wild or raised as meat on legs, ready and waiting for their time under the knife.

In recent years, people in this country have started taking pigs as pets ALL OVER INSTAGRAM. They’re adorable. Actually smart, and super clean if you don’t let them into a mud sty. They have cute tails and snouts, and seem just about as happy as any domestic animal can be. BUT WE EAT THEM BY THE BACONATOR full. Which is to say by the metric fucking ton.

Cows are sweet. Fuck cows. Eat those walking burger factories.

But NO NO NO, don’t eat your dog. They are “man’s best friend.” And I’m not saying that I’ve gotten high and wondered what my dog would taste like, but in my case I have a tiny, skinny wiener do that wouldn’t be worth the trouble to prepare.

I guess the interesting thing to me is that the same people that will mock a vegetarian for saying that all meat comes from living things, will punch you in the throat if you try to serve them a freshly grilled side of Fido with fried Rover balls as an appetizer. But why? They’re both animals. Both living things. Both friendly.

And if the reverse is true, does that mean that dog is delicious?

In India, the cow is sacred, so they don’t eat it. But we don’t even have THAT to fall back on to explain ourselves. We don’t worship dogs. We don’t think they’re particularly spiritual (outside the fact that we know they all go to heaven:)

So help me out. Why does it seem so horrible? Why are domesticated dogs protected by animal cruelty laws, but cows can be slaughtered in a long chute with a metal plug?

Am I an asshole for even asking these questions?

You tell me.

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