Old fears coming up

I started a new job recently, a higher pay grade for the same company I’ve been with for a while now. Now I am experiencing old fears and anxieties coming up, that perhaps its not the job for me, that they won’t think I am good enough. It’s a tough team, someone told me and to not allow myself to be bullied!!

The last couple of weeks it has been busy, I am trying to learn on the job, one of the people is very young and keen to make an impression. I feel like I am up against it in all ways. I have had no real positive feedback, only criticism. I have had a few jobs and when things didn’t go my way I would just leave in the past, after months or years of emotional build up.

Now some may read this and think, screw that, just leave. Others may see it as a challenge. Both are on my mind, depending on how I allow myself to feel on that particular day.

I am in the process however, of teaching myself to not take things personally and not react emotionally. It’s been hard these last couple of weeks as the new girl. But to look at the situation with common sense and take action. Here are some common sense thoughts:

• I need to work, its not sensible to just leave.

• I can’t keep running away from situations when the going gets tough, unless I have tried everything else first, and I know I have done my best.

• when I next experience myself as ‘bullied’ I will ask for a meeting with my line manager and explain how I am experiencing myself, and that for me it’s a completely new role and one that is taking me a while to learn as it’s been so busy.

• if I experience myself as compromised in anyway I will start looking for something else.

• to put myself in ours shoes and see if the criticisms are valid.

Those are the practical solutions.

But the mind process and my responsibility lies in not allowing myself as fear and anxiety to react!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself and see myself as the reason that another is frustrated or angry.

I commit myself to; this week stop and breathe when I experience myself as becoming emotional and forgive myself and bring myself here within and as my body and approach the situation from a practical perspective. I commit myself to assess myself to see through introspection if I have been self dishonest, and if I find that I have tried my best in all ways and Iam not in reaction, I do what is best for me.