Money and financial recovery: Walk the path of financial recovery with compassion
There is a saying that goes, "You are as sick as your secret." And people who have financial problems - no matter how they got there - often do a lot of secret things. They feel so guilty, ashamed and embarrassed about having chronic financial problems that they isolate themselves and avoid reaching out for the help they so desperately need. I say this because last week I invited you to take a critical look at what is wrong with your relationship with money [link to last week's blog]. You will become aware of what is true for you and address those problems, symptoms and feelings that you may choose to ignore... even refuse. Believe me, I know how hard it is. It takes courage to admit what does not work and risks feeling the heaviness of your own judgment, discouragement and shame.
So, as we move forward and take another step to heal your relationship with money, I ask you to do it with compassion, without judgment or blame. Even if your financial life is a mess, even if you've blown it a dozen times or more, you won't make things better by beating yourself up with shame and criticism. To heal, to recover, you have to be kind to yourself.
As Maya Angelou said, "You only do what you know how to do and when you know how to do it well you do it well." With that in mind, let's dive into two steps to figure out where you are now and where you want to go. Define what you would like to achieve
Now that you know how your current financial situation affects your life, what do you want for yourself in the future? Imagine that you have already applied the principles of financial recovery to your relationship with money, and that you are finally getting the financial reality that you really want. How is it? How do you know you've found the definition of success?
In your financial journal, write the following: "I will know I have succeeded in my financial turnaround when..." then list those experiences, practices, and accomplishments that tell you that you have been successful and have, in fact, transformed your relation to money. For instance:
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How do you make money?
What will be the difference in your life? What should you think about your relationship with money?
How will you spend your time? This list is completely personal, reflecting your needs and desires for how you want to live. When I ask clients to do this, some people start by listing "what" they want - a new car, house, or other purchase. But with a little motivation, almost everyone starts saying things like "I will be able to manage my debt" or "I will never have any more debt" or "I will never always worry about money."
Are you looking for something simple, like a good night's sleep without worrying about money? Do you want to live without the heartbreak of fighting for money with your family? Maybe you want to feel comfortable, or get out of debt, or finally get some money. Or be a role model for your children so they don't have financial problems in the future.
Imagine how a good relationship with money can allow you to live or work wherever you want. Or travel. Or start a business. Or get involved in something that benefits you. No dream is too big. No detail is too small. Save this journal entry so you can refer to it later. You should use it in a way that reminds yourself of your goals and recognizes your progress.
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