ADSactly Short Stories - Twenty Eight

in adsactly •  7 years ago  (edited)

The man quietly walked into the bar, approached the bar section and almost as if in a trance pulled out a gun and shot the man eating with the wife. He shot the man five times. The soft pop-pop sound was dwarfed by the heavy rock sound coming from the gigantic speakers. The man had a surprised look on his face but the wife was frozen in shock as was everyone who witnessed the scene. The rest of the late diners continued eating and talking, oblivious to the incident that just unravelled.


Source


Looking at the scene, a bystander would have thought that the man's wife was also shot judging by the amount of blood on her white blouse.
She sat still for some seconds which looked like entirety. Then out of her lungs came the most piercing scream ever. It rose above the beats coming from the gigantic speakers but the sound of her scream sounded louder to people outside than the diners and drinkers inside.

The DJ was forced to momentarily remove his earphone and look around. When he saw the screaming woman and the blood he turned off the music. The woman was still screaming. People oblivious to what just happened started scrambling through the exit. In the melee, the assassin quietly put back the long silenced 9mm Beretta PX4 Storm Compact into the specially designed suit gun harness and walked unhurriedly out of the cafe.

As he reached the car parked about some 100m away, his phone rang. He picked it and said,

"Done. Just the way you ordered. Eyewitnesses, wife and everyone saw it happen."

He listened to the voice on the other line.

"Yes, I have sent the message, no one would dare look into your affairs. I need another passport and 50 large."

He listened some more to the voice at the other end of the line.

"Yes, boss. I guarantee you, no one would poke their snout where it don't belong. If anyone does, just say the word and I will pop them for you free of charge," the gunman said.

He listened again.

"As you wish boss. I did not take pictures. But you would soon be watching it on TV," said the gunman and hung up.

As soon as he hung up the call, he looked ahead and saw the flashing lights. The police have arrived. But as usual, late for the twenty-seventh time. This is getting old, he thought.

He bent and lowered himself on the car seat and banged the door shut. He was about to turn the ignition when he noticed the ignition wire seemed to have been tampered with. He paused. His thin lips parted revealing his tobacco-stained teeth in a mirthless smile. The smile made him look like a hungry hyena starring at two little rabbits caught by some twine in the bush. He quietly opened the car door leaving the ignition key in the ignition.

He hummed his favourite song from childhood, Anything You Can Do, I Can Do it Better. I can do everything better than you. As usual, he couldn't resist the part that followed so he said aloud, "No you can't. Yes, I can."

Then he extracted his wallet from his hip pocket with an exaggerated care and brought out one crumbled $50 note. He walked towards a dark alley where he spotted the person he was looking for - a youth with unruly hair, injecting some liquid into his left arm.

"Hey mate, care to make some money?" He asked the man with needle-riddled spots on his arm.

The man looked suspiciously at him and said nothing. His attitude suddenly changed when the gunman brought out the folded $50 and waved it in his face. The reaction was immediate but nothing on earth would prevent him from shooting up whatever was in that syringe.

"What would you like? You need company?" The drug addict asked with a leering grin.

"Oh, not that, I'm a man of the collar, I want.."

The drug addict cut him off:

"Oh, nothing to be ashamed of, even the clergies come here every once in a while you know... to look around." He winked drunkenly at him.

"Just something simple, I have a problem with my legs. I can't seem to walk the 100m where I parked my car. Can you help me bring it around here? I'd pay $50 for your troubles." he begged, his face, a mask of discomfort, not that the meth head needed it.

"Are you sure it is your car?" Suddenly the man appeared to not be as foolish as he thought.

"Of course it's my car, see the driving licence here with me. You can take it, compare it with the plate number when you get there."

This explanation seemed to convince the man.

"I am no fool, you'd have to pay me half now and the other half when I get back."

"Fair enough, here is $25." He counted out $25 and gave him.

He stretched out the needle riddled hand and collected it.

As he walked towards the car, the gunman moved a little more under the shadows and watched him intently. It took him about 5 minutes for the addict to get to where it was parked. He entered the car and started it.

Nothing happened. Well, he thought, I just wasted $50. His phone was ringing. He picked it. The number was hidden.

"Please! Please!! Do not enter the car. Do not enter the car! Dylan never planned to pay you. Instead, he rigged the car with explosives that would kill you." The mystery caller dropped the call. Who the heck was that? He wondered.

The car was now about thirty feet now and he could make out the toothless grin of the drug addict. Then it exploded in every direction and there was nothing but the frame of the car.



Source

The blast wave threw him some good twenty feet away. It hurt him badly. He touched his lips and it was bleeding. He managed to stand up and surveyed the tattered crap that was his vehicle.

Dylan. He thought. The man who he had just killed for, wanted him dead. He patted his suit and his 9mm is there. His eyes bloodshot he checked the remaining bullets left in his gun. Ten was still there. It was not enough, he picked some extra bullets from his back pocket and reloaded. His thoughts filled with vicious rage for Dylan. He limped towards the car park, his mind has only one image; a bloodied Dylan lying dead in a hail of his bullets.

"Twenty-eight," he snarled as he limped on.

The End.

Authored by: @greenrun

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What I like the most about the story, and what the readers should notice if they want to understand what is alluring in this story - is that a main part of the story stays "hidden" from us - why was the man assassinated? Who is that assassin? Why did the boss want him dead? Why is the dead count significant?
That's what makes the story so enjoyable - you are not constricted to a definite detailed story - you are provided with a good frame and you should let your imagination fill the gaps with whatever pops up.
I am now reminded of a series of books I read when I was young - in certain pages you had the option to skip to a few options of the continuation of the story and sort of great your own entwined and tangled plot. It was fascinating as a child but today I prefer stories like this one you just read as it lets you have countless plots.

Thanks for an interesting and imagination provoking story!
Nati.

  ·  7 years ago (edited)

Thank you for the insightful comment, the plot could go anyway if you want to develop it into a longer story.

I get this feeling that you've played Shadowrun before. At the very least, you know what I'm talking about. I like the style of writing. It's similar to how I picture putting stories together in my head. It almost motivates me enough to write a short story/scenario of my own....almost. Maybe life needs to give me a dose of serotonin to put me in the mood for it. Or, maybe I should just stop being a bitch. Hmm, yeah, the second one makes more sense.

No. I have not played such a game. Go ahead and drop those thoughts in writing. Thanks for reading.

GREAT POST!Help me Follow x Follow From venezuela

Awesome!
May I ask who wrote it?

I did. Thank you.

are the best

it's good!

Great Post!. Interesting Story. I want more of this. Keep it up

hi @sonia132
I just joined steemit and post my introduce.
Warm regards :)

Great Post!. Interesting Story. I want more of this. Keep it up

Have a read of mine, let me know what you think..

Great story! I used the same picture for my story a few days ago... weird. If you liked this story, you might like the ones I posted!

https://steemit.com/story/@jadegreene/short-fiction-surviving

https://steemit.com/fiction/@jadegreene/short-story-the-waiting-game

Good story. I have just written one myself and decided to see what was already out there. Mines based on my own experiences. Is this one? Would be real interesting if it was.

always cool stories, thanks for sharing.

Thanks for sharing. BTW. Very nice website design. I'm gonna put some funds in dether.io.

Nice Story. You should try to make a long story about the first 26 Numbers:-)

Thrilling 28.

A story that draws into WoW and drifts together!
I keep breathing while reading :)
you are really very successful in this matter. maybe you should start writing novels :)
I would be your first reader!
congratulations

That was a nice compliment. Thanks a lot

Wow wow wow!!! I need more of this, what a story... pls do you @greenrun write novels? I want to subscribe, you are amazing and an awesome writer, thank you and bless you for sharing, we are even because i m also doing what i love doing which is singing that is what my blog is meant for, i ll be most grateful if you visit my blog please, you wont be disappointed @greenrun... tank you for sharing, i m anticipating for more of this thank you

  ·  7 years ago (edited)

that crime story made my day at work thanks!!

now I can go hum "Anything you can do, I can do it better" all day, I dont want to thank for that tho.

Couldnt speed read it in like 2 minuts like some of the others could sadly.

It is all good. I'm glad you read it. Thanks a lot.

This was awesome! Instantly gripping and I love the themes that you explored here.
I write short stories, also. They're more like surrealist anecdotes, to be honest, but I really appreciate your style of writing. Keep it up!

Thank you.

And in the end the reader is left wondering :

Who on earth was the mystery caller who ratted out on Dylan and why?

What's Dylan gonna do once he finds out he's been ratted on?

Will killing number 28 ever take place or will the killer go straight to his grave ?

Ok that's about it ... HOw about part 2? :)

Still thinking of whether to let it end or continue. Thank you for reading.

Please do!

I think you should continue it...
It is really captivating....you write well 👍

Thank you @ponmile

Wow, nice story. I'm excited he picked the call despite that the number was hidden. That saved his life. He would have been exploded to ashes with the car. Some of us don't answer calls with hidden number. I've learned. Thanks for the story.

You never really know who is on the other line, do we? I think its good to answer all calls.

Very interesting story

Exactly @greenrun. That I have learned from the story. Thank you.

The blast wave threw him some good twenty feet away. It hurt him badly. He touched his lips and it was bleeding. He managed to stand up and surveyed the tattered crap that was his vehicle.

Damn. That must have been a really awful situation he just experienced.
Such an amazing fiction

Thank you for reading.

Wow, nice story. I'm excited he picked the call although the number was hidden. He saved his life. He had exploded to ashes with the car. Some of us don't answer calls with a hidden number. I learned. Thanks for the story.

The call came late in a way, but Dylan is a suspicious man I must confess :)

Excellent story, @greenrun! I enjoyed it.

Thanks for reading.

Very nicely written. I really like that you gave us some explicit details (the gun for instance) but mostly left the scene to the reader.

Thanks for a great read. And I'm sure I'll be humming 'Anything you can do...' all day long.

I'm glad you like the story. Thank you for reading.

Hope this is fiction,one funny lesson I have learned from the story is that store your money in your crypto currency wallet instead of the real wallet...Besides that I like old western cowboy movies...the Magnificent 7 acted by Denzel Washington is the latest I have watched....Thank you for making my day

Thank you too for reading, crypto rules :)

are you a professional writer? you followed all rules of writing like pause, suspense, love

I'm not a professional writer by any chance. Thanks for reading.

This was good fiction. Although, I noticed that there were punctuations missing. Some grammatical errors too but all in all this was good.
Would love to know what the assassin will do to Dylan when he finds him.
Like the suspense that the unknown caller brings. Who is the caller?

I wish I know who that caller was and what Dylan would do. Thanks for reading.

lol... you wrote it? Nice work! You better come on and spill your little secrets!

It's really nice story

Thanks to share with us.

@alexKARKI

Your imagination will work while reading every bit of sentence in the story, as if you are reading or even watching an assassin related movie. You took our imagination to a higher level. Thanks for the wonderful story.

Thanks for the kind compliments. We appreciate every reader's comments.

So you are the writer? how come the story posted with different username? ;)

He is the author and also signed now. Somehow the signature got lost in transfer. All ADSactly blog posts are written by our members.

I hope someday I can share something that might be nice ... :) @adsactly

Me too I love to share something someday. @adsactly thank you for the answer.

Amazing story

Upvoted and resteemed

Nice story. I do appreciate the fact that you took out time to think of something and share with others. For that sir, I upvote you.

Great Post!. Interesting Story.

Keep sharing....

Wow..... What a story. Thank you for sharing. This could be script.

Reading your story was like watching a movie! Very well colored with just the right words. I'm hoping that there will be more soon.

very good writing, makes me want to write too, but whatever power I do not have the ability as good as you

Hey, nice story line, it is interesting. I am following you, can you follow me @ xtophercruzeu thanks

Good

  ·  7 years ago (edited)

Nice story @adsactly. I do appreciate the fact that you took out time to think of something and share with others. I upvote you.

Amazing post i like your post have a nice day.

woo woo. excelent

A very moving event, that's how our life is now, no matter what, we have entered a period of life without existence

you're clearly very a success in this be counted. perhaps you need to start writing novels :) i might be your first reader!..........................:):):)

congratulations :):)

@Upvote

Congratulations @adsactly!
Your post was mentioned in the hit parade in the following category:

  • Pending payout - Ranked 4 with $ 709,39
  ·  7 years ago (edited)

wow amazing photo sir ..Upvote and Resteem your post ....

http://gif-finder.com/oh-wow/

Sooooo, I know that this is going to ruin my Steem reputation and I am fine with it. Did anyone proof read this before they posted it? There are syntax errors and grammatical errors throughout and I thought the expectation was to post only quality content. That's not to say there isn't a lot of positive things about this piece of writing, because their are. It just isn't professional quality and needed to have been properly proof-read and edited before posting.

Love it, awsome story.

Great story, nice plot. Thanks for sharing.

Oww great story you catch my mind man.

Suspense filled!
You got me glued all through.
Well done !

This is a very amazing story, I pray to grow up to be like you in the nearest future, I admire your artistic expertise.

Great post with awesome story and photography.
But feeling sorry for this woman in this photograph....

I love your post! It's what I like to share with my followers! Im Following you and I also Resteem it!

The post is very amazing, very menginfirasi begi we all stemian ,, guide us so we can like you .. regards steemit

I felt that adrenaline rush! Pure talent, am impressed. You clearly have a remarkable imagination.

Good writing..Much obliged for sharing it.

Love this story so much Thank you for the story!

Creative! Also if you need to talk to someone you should def reach out, some of that is pretty dark. :)

Vote back

Nic post

Wonderful! it is really interesting story.

i apricate to you.this is the nice story.i will wait for your next post.thanks a lot

uaohhhhh, what a story!!!!

Again to see your story @adsactly, something people maybe can take from your story... keep writing and give good news...

Interesting story.

This is really awesome, read every bit of it. The suspense and the connection, wish I could do something like this.

just awesome story

Beautiful piece
I love your work

OMG. This short story is so interesting. I didn't want it to stop. Please continue!!!

Great Post!. Interesting Story. I want more of this. Keep it up.

very nice literally work,interesting and indeed very funny

Amazing story i always love your stories,thank you for sharing.

Did you write it? You're so good! The tension!

What awesome story! Feelings define us as people and show us what we want to become on this earth to the end.

very good post

Really interesting..
more grease to your elbow

This is a very informative post

Good job

This post very nice..Great stories ..I appreciate this post..Thanks.

i loved this .. i love stoires and i am writer so i know how does it feel

Hmmmm! This is captivating. Very interesting story. Good job!

Excellent story, a little bit short but a very interesting @adsactly

Karma in action! Dylan was about to get his own, am sure the gun man's karma isn't far away!

a very interesting story with much suspense

Hola bienvenido ah esta maravillosa comunidad te deceo mucho éxitos y que aprendas cosas nueva te saluda tu amigo @ yoelvis11 desde Venezuela

great info

“The truth." Dumbledore sighed. "It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution.”

“The truth." Dumbledore sighed. "It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution.”

thanks for post
its really awesome

wow amazing story ...
as i'm your new follower and i haven't read it's previous parts so it's bit confusing for me to give any though on it ..but i'll study the story thoroughly and then i'll share my thoughts .
btw i like your way of writing ..
Thanks for sharing ..

This is a story that touch👍.. I'd like to resteem @adsactly

#mindblown
makes you want to shake your brain just so you can get some clues on whats happening. why is the man killed, who killed the man, whats with the dead count and other questions that will remain a question.
Had fun reading this. Thanks. :)

Good day! Thanks for the useful information.

Thanks @adsactly, for this lovely post, and thank you for sharing. Just joined the platform and would love to know more about how I can submit short stories to this community. I am an author and I have a book written that I will like to share chapter by chapter on adsactly short stories or other related communities. Kindly point me in the right direction. Thank you once again for sharing. Upvoted and followed

post that love to read it ... amazing
and please vote have me yes
Thank

The first part of the restaurant is a very common scene in my country, Venezuela. Great story

An interesting story!

  ·  7 years ago Reveal Comment

Great post, love reading everything u post @adsactly

Awosome story bro keep it up

Wow great piece of information, really enjoyed. Keep posting I have followed you and keep upvoting your best posts. Please follow me too for best posts.