Seasons changing.

I have been an active child advocator for 5 years now. Of those 5 years I have worked with many great organizations and people such as A21 Freedom chasers, Chuck Paul (Alamo Youth Center), Katherine Symthe, CASA, and the San Antonio's Children's Shelter and even creating my own nonprofit HelpingLittleHands. There are many others with whom I have spoken to and exchanged fantastic ideas about how we can strengthen our community and bring awareness towards abuse and trafficking in the United States and in our own neighborhoods. Unbeknownst me I was becoming consumed and my past trauma was being stacked on by second hand trauma repeatedly. My friends, family and even the people I work with would ask me "How do you do it Heather?, Go to work and advocate and still be so happy." I would reply with I paint, dance, and take time in nature. I thought I was dealing with it but I wasn't. I was blinded to it. I was blinded to the growing bomb that was gaining power within side me. In public I smiled but when alone or even just driving down the road I would be struck with self destructive thoughts and would snap on the people who cared for me the most. I could give love to everyone else but them. I was living a lie, I was not happy. Something needed to change but what? I have dealt with depression since I was about 13 or 14; which grew into self harming as a teenager and high anxiety attacks in my young adult years (which I am still living in- I'm 23). 2017 was a year for me to learn, face my demons and my past and be able to move forward. I want to be upset that I haven't advocated as much as I have previous years or been as involved with direct care at the Children's Shelter. However at the beginning of October I went to Costa Rica and learned some very important life hacks for myself... to let go, all things I NEED(not want) will be provided, tend & love yourself, forgive yourself, do what makes you happy, and to never stop dancing. I must live in the present and tend to the other things that make me happy. Because how I can I serve victims and give them a voice when I am silencing myself; taking away my own voice. This year 2018, I will live it with intentions not expectations, I will love & tend to the multiple things that make me happy, and I will strive to find the balance between giving care and receiving care.