Don't Take It Personally! A Beginner's Guide for Keeping Level Headed in Debates

The problem is almost never you, unless you make it that way. Recently, there's been an upsurge of debate topics in Steemit on flags, upvoting bots, delegation, "circle-jerking", definition of quality, running a project or business here (professional/personal), net neutrality, and several other issues and concerns that affect some, and in other cases, everyone. While there are many Steemians geared at forming genuine discussions, and providing valid arguments with observations and evidence, there are still many caught stranded on the shores, some seeing their voices almost reduced to a whisper, while others feeling that they are "targeted" or "victimized" by the words and comments of others.

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This guide serves as a reminder to those with strong opinions,
and those who have yet to form them on the aforementioned topics.

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The Types of People in These Threads

• Contributors: to discussion and debate over topic matter, with the underlying goal of heading towards the resolution of an issue

• The Knowledge-Seekers/Opportunists: who see that no time is better that now to learn more on this subject, and are not afraid to ask questions to further discussion and overall understanding on what is being talked about

• Lurkers/Spectators: who are reading either for learning, entertainment, or both

• People who express their opinions strongly: (similar to contributors), but refuse to hear out any opposing arguments or criticism from others that are not in agreement

• The Illiterate: who didn't even read the post, and are taking sides based on who aligns better to their personal philosophy

• The Ignorant: who are making arguments with no understanding of the topic or actual concerns

• "great post"
  

  
  
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Everyone Cares About Something

And even if you agree in some regards, chances are, they will have a different overall opinion than you. That's okay! It is good to respect that others have a voice, just as you do. When you come at someone with anything less than respect, you are insane to expect this person to embrace you back with open arms.

When we care about our own stance or approach towards a topic greatly, emotions take over, and sometimes the opinion and the person with it begin to blur into one entity. It's almost natural to feel that when some is against "something you said", you feel a pang in your heart, that they are somehow instead against you directly. You get defensive.

The part that doesn't help is that you are attempting to protect yourself in a "fight or flight" convinced that this is about you, when you should really be getting behind your words, to explain your thought path behind the argument you presented. Unless someone is making fun of your head, they are not aiming to victimize you. What they have managed, is to separate themselves in knowing that a person is not the argument.

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Getting Too Attatched

To your point, and "being right". A great example of this mentality was demonstrated in a post written earlier this week by @schattenjaeger called;

If You Accept the Upvotes, You Really Need to Accept the Downvotes

Where he talks about how users feel attacked when they are flagged by a whale, but see no injustice in accepting large upvotes from them. He draws focus to the "double-standards" that Steemians will sometimes possess. This also holds true when participating on the larger threads where entry almost "requires" to have an educated opinion, or the willingness to DYOR (do your own research).

If you are planning to write a comment that will get you praise such as; "I agree fully with you", then you better also be prepared to receive a "You clearly don't know what you're talking about" as well. Again, becoming too emotionally invested in your opinion, doesn't leave any room for it to grow, and allows for those emotions to color your words into bias.

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You form an argument with observation, research, logic, and polling, not with your feelings. You can feel a particular way about a topic, but that should not be your only evidence to validate your opinion.

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Victimization

Has someone said that your opinion is "retarded", or thinks you're an idiot for seeing something the way that you do? Then the argument is more about them, than it is about you. The goal is to figure out why they think that way (Keep in mind that you can ask without being a jerk to them). When someone tries to demean what you are saying, it means one of three things...

• They don't understand your argument, and don't agree with you

• They understand your argument, but still don't agree with you

• You have pushed the issue without trying to understand them, and feel "justified" in your own feelings and actions

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If I woke up one day and saw that my post was flagged by a whale, I would first think "wtf did I do wrong?" I would sit with my article open, trying to see what it would be flagged for. Someone is actively saying that they don't value this content, in the same light that others decide to value it. Now, you may think that this is a soft approach, but to my understanding, posts don't just get flagged for no reason. I could actually pm the person and ask why they have decided to flag it, and doing this, will most likely get a response.

Now here's the thing. I may not agree with the reason why, but that doesn't invalidate the flag. I would spend my next few posts trying not to "do the thing" they don't like, and the flags will most likely stop. As stated in other threads, "Whales don't have the time to waste just flagging one person forever." -That is unless you provoke them into it by claiming to be oppressed and shifting the focus from flagged content, to how it is some personal move against you. This type of behavior demonstrates your lack of understanding and refusal to accept the flag, or other things not directly benefiting you. Again people can reward and condemn freely, and it's most likely about the article itself.

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No one is entitled to rewards, nor a flag-less experience,
comprehension of these two simple things will lead to a lot of personal growth on Steemit.

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It's Not a Shouting Match

Even though sometimes it appears to be. You walk into a thread, and it looks heated. Now before you hit that comment button to drop your two cents, you should at least take some time out to read the ones already posted. If you wrote something almost identical to someone else, you might be considered illiterate or at least insincere with your reply, when your question was already answered elsewhere in the thread.

You see someone throwing down points that you can get behind, but maybe the opinion of this individual is heavily biased, or is derailing the original subject matter. It's always good to learn a little more before blindly rallying for someone. You might agree with their surface statements, but not the whole agenda you are suddenly becoming the spokesperson for. Everyone is eager to get their words in, however, it important to remember that the foundation they are built on is where the weight of your statements lay.

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Image credit: 4chan /b/ (random board)

Matter of Perspective

I came across the above image last night in a "cursed images" thread, and at first, I wondered why there were just a bunch of smiling faces. It took a moment for me to realize that based on how you look at it, and from what angle, this picture can either show happy, angry, sad, or smug faces all the way across!

This is how I view the debates currently happening here and in many other places. For the community this is actually a great thing. Having a different perspective, and coming at an issue looking in from a opposing stance, can and does affect how and why and argument is presented, and what opinions takes shape. All of them are equally real. Most issues are not solved by going all-in on one way or the other, but by identifying the good parts of a system, and how they can be improved upon!

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Things to Remember

My neighbor said to me once:

"Don't join a battle of wits if you have nothing to play with."

Before you go around trying to sink other's arguments, remember to:

• Read the article all the way through
• Read the comments
• DYOR
• Be respectful
• The argument is a topic, not a person
• Be open to new perspectives

And you will find yourself learning and achieving greater awareness about the issues around you, and maybe you will be able to suggest good resolutions to help alleviate the problem in some senses!

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And don't forget, sometimes you will be wrong yourself.
Gather your emotions and rise to the challenge!

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There will also be times, that you realize that you didn't know as much as you think you did. Epiphanies through communication can be a mind-blowing experience :D

Accept the lesson, and move forward!

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Be sure to check out our other recent posts!

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