Yeah, dunno - Father's Day and a catch up

in alwaysonmymind •  6 years ago 

I'm caught in two or three minds what to write about today, so this one could go a bit sideways.

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We had a Father's Day recently. My Dad is not around any more, such is life. My Grandad is, but he is, politely, not with it that much any more. And yeah, my daughter, she's in the UK, and despite a message from me on Father's Day, I've not had a reply in the last 2.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed, and that it didn't make me feel upset. But I think I know where she's coming from - I moved away, Father's Day is for Dads who are awesome - in a 12 year olds mind, that does probably not class as awesome.

In the past that's been a day we've spent together, I didn't have to push for this weekend - it's one her mother did appreciate. A shame it's only yearly, I wished every weekend was considered the same way when I lived in the UK.

Now though, I'm a 2 hour flight away - one I battled for in court, and lost, and one I've asked if she's willing to take with me since. As yet, I've not had an answer. I probably should have pushed it more on my visit to the UK last month, but I've never been one to rock the apple cart.

I sent another message today, they have been read but no reply - this bums me out. In the past, I'd drink or smoke to pass these times - but now, with the sun on my back, I just sit and watch the sea.

Today I went to Porto Cristo. Rafa Nadal keeps his boat there, but I'd be lying if I said I saw him - apparently he was out of the harbour pretty early this morning. My mothers friends are cool though, I think I've scored a job as waiter. They should see me scrub a surface. Apparently, their garden needs some work - a day's hard graft sounds like something I could go for right now.

It was a nice afternoon though on the boat, the summer has arrived in Mallorca and it's t-shirts or less weather. I could do with a bit of #steemfat action though, and so it's t-shirt for me, for now. @exyle and @bkdbkd are on the island soon - familiar faces both here and at last years Steemfest. I wonder if they are still kicking it at the gym? :)

So the next couple of months I'll be enjoying the sunshine, but I've got some thoughts regarding the UK at the end of summer. Do I want to do winter there? Hell no. Do I want to see my not so little girl more? .. ya.

Living off the STEEM though, isn't going to work in the UK right now, not even if I went nuclear. And F that. To those that have self-destructed, well you aren't reading this anyway, but yeah... EOS ---->

Yesterday I bought a lilo for the beach - it's not as comfy on a towel as it was when I was 20. A tip. Don't cycle with a lilo. A sudden gust of wind could blow you sideways and onto the floor, rendering your purchase useless. Yeah, that happened, and I have the cuts to prove it. Funny though, must only have been 100 people see me fall off my bike - not the first time :)

So what's left today? The engagement Leagues, the fulltimebots, all of you still interacting and making this a social network despite the apparent uphill climb at present. Respect.

Have yourselves a fine day and night,

Asher

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Hang in there Asher!
I suppose that she doesn’t do this on purpose! I hope you receieve an answer soon!
Cheers,
Peter

I was just thinking the same.

The local, instant real life easily gets priority. Sometimes replies are procrastinated because one cannot decide what to reply. I got into the pen-pal hobby in my childhood, but I constantly procrastinated writing those letters and I constantly felt bad for procrastinating it.

Yeah. A smiley face would have done, but I guess too much thinking about stuff and insta-life got in the way.

Cheers.

Yeah. I forgive her, and hope for better fathers days - I guess I'll need to be there for them.

Cheers.

I had to look up what lilo is, never heard of it, English is a second language to me.

I had to google it too and English is my first language. Must be a UK term.

whoops :)

What do you call them? Inflatable bed? :)

That would do

Or a Floatie? I've just been educated to that one :)

Floatie, air mattress , "floating thing that blows half way to Japan with you on it, sporting only a green Speedo, after you fall asleep and don't wake up until well after dark", though I could be wrong.
Never tried to bike with one, that WOULD be a trip.

I have to wear green so it only slightly clashes with my new pink li-lo :)

Is green lucky in Japan? Hopefully!

Ha haa. I don't know about Japan, but getting picked up by a freighter somewhere in the Pacific, in your speedo and pink lilo, will surely get SOME kind of reaction from the guys on board.

First impressions and all :)

Hang in there Abh! Such a beautiful view! You should start post your pics on steepshot too!
have an amazing day!
Lisa
Atl

Thank you for the words of support Lisa, much appreciated :)

You have a lovely day too :)

:)

Not much more can be said that hasn't been put forth, but I feel for you. Has to be very hard. I'm sure in time, things will be back to a more even keel, and you can resume things as desired, as she ages and matures. Guess all one can do is make sure to take the high road so it is more assured. But I can only imagine the waiting for that time must be very difficult indeed.

As for going off kilter in a sideways slant in writing, that's what it's all about, at least in MY book of thought. I appreciate your way with the word.

Yeah that's cool, I appreciate the messages I've had, even if it's only to say 'not much more to add' :) Thanks.

I don't consider myself an interesting writer, I just go for full blown honesty and see how it roles, but thanks again for boosting my confidence here too.

Just discovering you, but your writing seems interesting and quality to me. And now that you mention it, that is an interesting thought too. "Not much more to add", then write about 20 more lines anyway. Though I guess I've never been accused of succinct-ality on the site.

But I do think some of the commenting comes from people genuinely caring about others, more than some sites I've seen. Particularly if it's well written and conjures up some emotion. Though if you cut me, I pretty much only bleed Steem, social media wise. But Steemit seems to be a different sort of animal, from what I hear.

See, gonna write a line or two, ends up being seven. Yikes...

heh :)

Steemit is pretty much all my social media too right now, I fell out of love with Facebook prior to 2016, and it was Twitter where I found the site.

A bit of 'real person' blogging goes a fair way at times, people like to know about people - and I believe the majority of 'original content' is people talking a bit about themselves.

Cheers :)

I've never understood why we need these artificial holidays which create a lot of social pressure and have no real purpose. The best example is Valentine's Day when thousands of broken hearts drown themselves in alcohol...

Your daughter loves you no matter what. Believe me. There's a special bond between dads and their girls, independently if they need to pass through a complicated period of time... After a heavy argument I didn't talk to my dad for one year. Today we're the very best friends and I couldn't imagine my life without him.

Teenager girls behave in a strange manner sometimes. She'll be back for sure :-)

Big hug
Marly -

Yeah, I'm over the drowning in alcohol but for some, this reflection day is a bummer. Although for many, it is appreciated.

I'm glad you are on good terms with your dad, he will be happy for that every day. You are right about the special bond, it certainly goes both ways.

I'm feeling a bit better today, some nice messages for me - which is often the cause when I put a bit of myself out on here.

Thanks Marly x

You know where to find me when you need someone to listen or just a hug :-)

😊 thank you, Lanzarote?

Hehe, wherever :-)

:)

Good wishes to you. I don't know what your situation is exactly, but I'm sure with time your daughter will start to see the different reasons for why things happened as they did. Kids have a really small scope. You love her, and she'll figure that out. 💚

Thank you @phoenixwren. I've talked about the situation on and off, but understand how difficult is it keep on top of everyone's life/blogs.

I think she will too :)

Hard to know what to say that hasn't already been said by others.

My Human is stepdad to three (I know it's not the same thing) and even though the three (now adults) love him and were for all intents and purposes raised by him, the sum total was a brief Facebook message from the daughter. And they're adults. From a 12 year old girl? A lot more temperament and mood swings there... and I realize that just sounds like a platitude, so I'll stop.

Yeah, cycling with a lilo... especially near the coast where you get wind gusts? That could be a painful experience.

As for Steemit, I'd like to think there's enough of a dedicated core of users to turn this ship in a better direction. I guess all we can do is lead by example... and hope someone(s) follows.

=^..^=

Thanks for the comments @curatorcat, I've had some nice ones that have summed things up pretty well.

It was a decent gust, but maybe I'm looking for excuses a little ;)

@tarazkp has just published a good one today regarding Steem, and what's required to 'turn the ship'. I think there are enough decent folk knocking around and think much better days are still to come.

Cheers.

I'll check his post; he often seems to have some gold nuggets to think about.

I'd like to think this place will thrive, in time. Sometimes it seems a little ironic that those who have a LOT at stake here seem more complacent about the future than those who have relatively little and just wish for an awesome user experience.

Besides, the "greater story" of the gamification of social media seems like a really good idea.

=^..^=

Sometimes it seems a little ironic that those who have a LOT at stake here seem more complacent about the future than those who have relatively little and just wish for an awesome user experience.

This is a key concern or worry isn't it. I'm sure, or at least I hope, it's not as bad as people (including myself) think, but time after time I'm drawn to how I see large stakes being used, and it just doesn't look pretty to me.

Anyway, I'll continue as I am and pray to the Steem gods and see what happens.

  ·  6 years ago (edited)

Most likely a shirt for us too :). Keep your head up, man!

#steemfat shirt? 😁

Thanks man, appreciated!

I'd like to say I understand where you are at in regards to your daughter, but I never had kids, so I honestly do not. I know in time these things either work our or just stay touchy for awhile, she is 12 going on 13, the time of teenage angst stuff. She and you will find a balance. Enjoy the weather, relax a little bit, and try not to let it tear you apart, that I know will not help, it never does and yet it is the hardest thing to not do.

It will lead to anger, I remember Brian talking about needing help to dress not to long ago, I had that issue, I know what it is like to be a 40 something year old and not be able to put on your own shirt, I know the anger and the frustration from that, I know feeling like a helpless two year old at age 44. I grew past that a little bit, still 15 years later, I still get angry when my shoulders act up and I can not get the shirt or jacket on without help.

Remember the past, embrace the present and look forward to the future, things do work out, you may not totally get over the frustration and the anger at the situation, but it will get easier to deal with as time passes.

Thanks @bashadow, I try to relax and enjoy the sun each day. Being incapacitated as far as not being able to dress yourself sounds really frustrating, and I guess my 'problem' is easier to solve than that.

Cheers.

I can't say I know how it feels, but I'd say she may come around to understand why things are the way they are. In the meantime, soak in the sun and seat back and relax while you watch the sun go down. It's an exciting time to be alive; crypto on a bear move, the World Cup hype at an all time high, people doing whatever it is to be independent of the centralised institutions, etc.
I see the fulltimebot is unleashed. May the odds be in your favour. Steem on :D

I'll do those things for sure :) Cheers.

Happy Father Asher's Day, I hope you always have the love that will make you a great hero to your children, maybe today is not a great day, maybe you are still waiting for answers, I can only tell you as a daughter, I always expected a friendly father, a concerned father, I never had, that's why you should not get discouraged for not receiving answers, your part is to be there, always alert, distant but not absent, many times the children do not value what we have, so I think that all you can do is love and respect the time that life offers you with your children, do not be discouraged, that in your heart will be so by email. Happy afternoon, excuse my English.

Thank you @melvadg

Your English is excellent, I will take on this advice :)

Thank you for sharing such personal story and I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. I really hope for you that the situation gets better and she will find the way to you. She might just need some time.

Thank you @delishtreats

I think you are right and it's a case of passing time that will help. Have a nice day :)

It’s a tough age, being a teenager, we forget that when we b come adults, but a part of it is being angry at the world and even the people you love. This will change with time and it’s not much you can do to change it right here right now, but just to wait and be ready and available when she’s ready

Yeah a brutal age if I remember correctly!

I'm here and available, the waiting continues. Cheers.

Sending you lots of love @abh12345.

Twelve is a difficult age under normal circumstances so try not to take it too hard. Easy to say I know but true none the less.

According to his posts I would say exyle is still hitting the gym regularly but maybe not doing so well with steemfat2! 😂

Enjoy your lilo and the beach. 💙

Thank you Gillian :)

Hopefully, Time is the answer.

As far as exyle and the gym, now I don't feel so bad for not being where I want to be on the #steemfat mission just yet either :)

Hi Asher. Sounds as though you are a bit down in the dumps. Your daughter is young and she will come round. Patience is needed and time. Hang in there it will all turn out great. By the way I have done the lilo thing on a bike as well but didn't fall off. A tip is to deflate it and blow it up at the beach. Bit tiring I know but safer.

Sometimes yeah. Most of the time I'm ok, but occasions like this are a reminder that things are not perfect I guess.

IF I buy another, I think i'll use the deflate option :)

Sometimes life just sucks, but suck it in and get on with it the best you can. Kids can be fickle. Give your daughter time. She will come around. It has been almost 20 years since I experienced winter. Do I miss it? Not on your life! Can you work something out with your ex to have your daughter in the warm sunshine for Christmas?

Sucking it in :)

I was hoping she'd want to visit, and think that it's up to her these days - if she asked her mum, I suspect she'd be ok with it.

Like I said, kids are fickle especially teenagers. They eventually come around. My nephew was the same. Really pissed at his dad. He finally came around after he was grown and had a son of his own...Hurts like heck while they are doing it though, so you just have to make a better life for you and try to be happy...

Yes. This is what I've tried to do over the past couple of years, and most of the time I feel this has gone pretty well. There's just the reminder on days like Sunday. I feel a bit better today, thank you :)

Special days are always hardest. On those days try to do something new. Have new experiences, new food, new places and new people. I found having a pet helped but you may not have the place for one and if yoy are traveling this poses other problems.

Yes they can be both the best or the worst.

New places and food I managed, a cat would be ideal. These Spanish ones aren't so friendly - yet 😊

Start feeding them. They'll come around. Feed at the same time every day when a lot of others aren't around...

I didn't that with the same bunch 2 years ago actually, and it worked then. Maybe I need to find the time of day 😊

Don't mind fathers day all that much. While the role of a father is of course deeply underappreciated these days, you should not make your mood reliant on this so-called fathers day.

Don't look at what makes or breaks this day, look at what makes a father a fine thing for the other 364. I think that there is much more value in that anyway.

How are you and your daughter usually get along?

Thanks for the support :)

When we are in contact, things are great - I hold on to these times and try to think positively going forward.

Maybe she just happened to be preoccupied on that day. God knows I never even knew that fathers day would be on that specific date for everyone else outside of german.

And I forgot the date of fathers day here as well. Dates aren't exactly my strong point.

Let's see if I get a message this week 😊

I am sure that you will.

I'm not going to tell you to not take it too hard, because I know from past experience that there's no other way to take it. Just don't stop trying, even if she doesn't respond, trust me as someone who was once 12, she knows you're texting. Just don't give up on her. There will come a day when she'll understand all of this as an adult, but right now, she's understanding it as a 12 year old girl, which probably doesn't work in your favor very well. Keep texting, keep calling, keep telling her you love her and miss her. It will all get better, but in the meantime, I feel for your pain buddy. Sending lots of love and big hugs.

Thanks Lynn :)

I guess many folks can relate in some way or another and that helps, along with these messages. x

I know you motivate us to write longer form comments, but sometimes I just want to share a heart. So here it is:

<3

Sometimes a heart and short message is all that's required. Thank you @soyrosa :)

I am not a father but can imagine what you are feeling. I hope she will get back to you and you'll see your daughter soon.

Thanks @reazuliqbal :)

Man, I'm sorry to hear that your daughter hasn't hit you up for Father's Day. I can't imagine how difficult that must be. Hopefully this job gets you enough income that you can have a bit of stability and start moving forward with stuff. Much success to you!

I had to look up what a lilo was as I had never heard of one... except that one that went with stitch. In the US, we call them floaties.

Yeah it's a bit of a blow, but I think there will be better days to come.

ahh, a floatie - I quite like that :)

Thanks for the comments.

I hope you'll have the opportunity to see her more often in the near future.

Thank you

I hope these days are not far away also.

So now that all of us non-UK folk looked up what a li-lo is. :)

I'm trying to think of something that hasn't already been said here on your page regarding your daughter, but it's hard to even know where to begin. My boys didn't have a phone until they were at least into their high school years (11 years ago or so). You would know better just how much control she has over her device and who else might be monitoring it.

Also, I'll point out that it's hard to know what you're feeling or what you want when you're a 12-year-old girl, no matter how much society want to assign teens and pre-teens some sort of adult status, or that we might want to treat them as such. Way too much going on that doesn't really settle down for a while.

I'm afraid I'm not going to be much help, then. I do appreciate the whole air mattress while riding a bike tip. If I hadn't had a blown up raft rip off the railing on top of our car as it went down the road, I might not sympathize with you, but I feel your pain. :)

A floatie for you too? I've just learnt that one :)

Thanks for the support, to you and everyone who's replied. I feel better about things today.

had to look up lilo- i thought it may be a wrap skirt of some kind and i was really getting quite the visual imagining you splayed in front of a hundred people at sunset by the beachwalk... them, gaping slightly inebriated old tourists... some pics were taken. lol looks like an inflatable pool toy?

feel ya on the conflicting emotions <3 much love and i hope you enjoy the waiter or garden position! taking SBD/steem out to pay for a lifestyle is def not working right now ;)

Whoops 😁 Yes a 'floatie' or inflatable bed. 6/7 SBD well spent - unless you fall off your bike with it!

:) haha glad you're okay and hope you get some lilo time in!

that's great reflection.

Thank you 😊

life just give those experiences along the journey but one need to stay calm and make things work :)

Yes we do :)

Your writing brings my mind to my dad who is currently far away from me.

I really wanted to hug my father even for a second

When you see him next, make it an extra long hug :)

Very nice post