Why I Love Being Single

maceytomlin (62) in anarchy • 8 years ago (edited)

I am a born anarchist. I wasn't raised an anarchist, but I eventually came to my senses. I do not like to be controlled (like many other fellow anarchists). And once I feel someone has me under their thumb, I leave. Just ask my poor mother. When I was a teenager, my mother was extremely controlling (aside from that, she is a wonderful woman who eventually learned to let that part of herself go). As a result, I moved out before I even hit the age of eighteen.

I've even dated someone who called himself an anarchist. He believed that we would be better off without government, yet sought to govern my every waking move as a human being (my thoughts, my actions, my finances, and even my diet). As a result, I left, because I believe that someone who calls themselves an anarchist, yet seeks to control other people is completely contradictory. There's a missing ingredient, And I believe that missing ingredient is security in one's self.

I will admit that I was this insecure person at one point, too. Due to my mother's strict parenting, I learned the bad patterns of control for myself. And when I was eighteen, I entered my first serious relationship. I fought tooth and nail to try to control him, even making up unfathomable lies to keep him under MY thumb. And I truly believe this stemmed from a level of insecurity with myself. I did not know how to be alone, because when I was, I had to face myself. And what I had to face was not pretty. So unsurprisingly, he left me eight months later.

I was horribly depressed, alone, and suicidal because of it. It was the first time I was forced to face myself. I remember one dark winter night, I took a long drive (consisting of sad music and many cigarettes). I remember thinking to myself:

"If I don't change my behavior, I am never going to have meaningful relationships."

And that was the first time I truly faced myself.

It was then that I made a commitment to myself that I would do anything I could to change, so I could eventually have the meaningful relationships I truly wanted. And after two years of solitude, psilocybin therapy, self-help books, Reiki practice and meditation, I reached a very profound period of my life; a spiritual awakening. At age twenty-one, while my friends were out drinking, I was laying outside watching the stars. I can't describe the intense feeling I had during this point of my life. It's still indescribable. I truly feel I was connected with something divine. Looking back, I've come to the realization that that beautiful energy I was so connected to was all inside of me. It was me.

Since I was little, I always wanted to be a member of a club or group that nobody wanted me to be a part of. I was fixed on being accepted by others. It was only after my spiritual awakening when I truly learned to love how unique I was. I am a loner at heart, and by grasping that concept I've come to accept that most of my time on earth will be spent in solitude. I'm okay with that, too. I am no longer afraid to face who I am; my image, my quirks, my ideas, my mistakes, and even my dark side.

I can promise with absolute certainty that I WILL learn, and I will grow, and I will change. Change comes with new experiences.

But I will not change just because someone tells me I should.

I truly believe that it is only when you can be comfortable in your aloneness that you can love someone else down to their core. Once you value your own freedom, you can value the freedom of others. You don't seek to change them or control them. If you have learned to accept yourself, you have learned how to accept others for who they are. You do not expect them to make you happy, because your happiness lies within YOU. It takes a great amount of maturity to be in relationships with others (whether it be friends, family, or a significant other), and it all starts with you.

anarchy relationships freedom health voluntary

8 years ago by maceytomlin (62)

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sullimusic (25) · 8 years ago

It was very refreshing to read this. I needed this. I am sorry you had to go through a relationship like that. I, myself, just got out of a committed relationship with someone who was extremely ego-centric and tried to control my actions. I finally realized I was never accepted or "good enough" as I was. Since the beginning, he had tried to change me in different little ways. Very confusing when you are with someone who identifies as an Anarchist, as he did. I learned a lot from the relationship and would say that I am progressively becoming an Anarchist myself, but developing those ideas for my self was never acknowledged as my own journey. I was never given credit for becoming my own person with my own ideas.. It was always like there was this destination I would eventually arrive at, that destination being his views, and until I got there, I was learning and it was cute. Sorry for the long rant, I guess the Internet is a good plce for that :) Unfortunately, it will take a while to heal, but I am reminded of the beauty in loving myself and being happy in that place. Thank you for that reminder! <3

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maceytomlin (62) · 8 years ago

@sullimusic I totally understand what you went through. I just went through this myself, and I couldn't explain it better than you just did! Thank you for sharing!

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nexusvortex616 (37) · 8 years ago

Beautifully written, Macey! This post reminds me quite a bit of myself, and I know you will find whatever your soul needs in due time, if you listen to your own intuition. Listen to your own heart, because in the end our own minds must make the necessary changes and decisions to become ever more true to ourselves, our values and principles.

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radioactivities (61) · 8 years ago

I'm always single; there's just one of me!

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lasseehlers (69) · 8 years ago (edited)

Wauw you are truly beautiful, both inside and on the outside... trust me I have meet alot of people and this is very rare.

Lasse

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1 vote

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lilbit (30) · 8 years ago

Single, the ultimate in freedom...

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mexresorts (59) · 8 years ago

Nice post, upvoted and followed!

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kafkanarchy84 (74) · 8 years ago

Great stuff. Thank you.

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voluntary (54) · 8 years ago

Is this a rare quality in people or just not widely advertised? Either way, I have vastly more time for introverts than extroverts.

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solarguy (68) · 8 years ago

wow, thank you for sharing this. Sends a big hug.

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emancipatedhuman (66) · 8 years ago

upvoted! this was great!

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bontonstory (70) · 8 years ago

If we must give up our single freedom, there must be a valuable reason.

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merej99 (70) · 8 years ago

When I went through separation and divorce, I made a commitment to myself not to jump into a relationship because I missed having someone to sleep next to. I also had to rebuild my self-esteem and image. It took me 3 years of discovery and then my perfect mate came along. The timing was just right and I was healed.

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lifeisawesome (69) · 8 years ago

This is actually beautifully written. I absolutely loved this. It's how I feel. I feel at one with myself and the earth, I feel beauty is all around us, everywhere, everyone.

I have a wife now, but you're right - it was only when I found peace with being alone that I learned to love myself, and from there came love, my partner.

But that being said, you are you, and if you're happy being alone - you own that shit girl :)

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