Ultimately beyond us
There are pauses that I have, that seem enriching, in which who I am (possibly the presence of this beyond physical life named “I am…” which applies beyond just me) is clear. It suddenly makes sense, yet not an urgent type of sudden. Not necessarily an inevitable result of frantically/anxiously trying to figure the current “it” out during much thought. I experience an ease into sudden-ness, if nothing else that experience is rich. One of these pauses of clarity has happened today.
There’s many times I define my sense of self by what I struggle with. So I define my sense of self by where I see lack. In these times, it’s convincing that “me” is more or less what I wish I wasn’t. I’ve learned over time that without any head space to re-think one’s sense of self, it’s easy to assume the thoughts are you. This can also go with seemingly very favorable ideas of self, but that isn’t exactly what I’ll more than mention in these words here. In this case, I’ve been struggling with a self that is easy to want to just reject or ignore.
In a pause today, I became more level. I know this is far reaching and there’s good reason to pause again at the validity of what I’ll soon say. However, it still makes sense to me that ultimately, beyond just the “me” that I call self, there’s an expansive existence that doesn’t care about what I assume to reject or ignore. It actually allows “me” and is fine with “me” as I exist. To be possibly more inclusive within this existence, an additional note is: it doesn’t mean it sees no potential or current dysfunction in me. It means that despite that, it ultimately doesn’t stop this expansiveness from still allowing, being receptive of… me.