The (Not So) Smart Car: A Tiny Car For A Tiny Mind

OK, that's it I can’t take it anymore! I’m finally going to have to let loose on a blight on our streets. A modern scourge, something that could be a serious threat to society as far as I see it this could gnaw away at us until there’s nothing left but war and broken dreams.

Melodrama! Melodrama! I hear you shout, ah but you know me well, you know I don’t rant just for the sake of it; don’t you?

I’m talking Smart cars people or the Ka or what the hell ever it’s called. It’s not so much the car itself, I’ve got nothing against small cars, what’s to hate about a small car?

No it’s their bloody owners, there’s a lot to hate about a Smart car owner. Well if I’m being specific, there’s one particularly annoying thing to hate about a smart car owner, and that’s the way the selfish bastards decide to park their stupid little tin cans.

We’ve all seen it and if you’re a road user no doubt you’ve been held up by a smart car that has decided to park front end-in to the kerb.

There are not enough words in all the languages on earth that are available to describe just how much I hate you right now.

Small And Selfish

The smart car owner feels that visual evidence isn’t enough. Oh no. The smart car owner feel’s that they have to announce loudly to the world that they alone are helping the environment by sacrificing comfort and some might say dignity, to save our dear, dear planet.

How else do you explain the fact that ninety percent of these cars are parked in this selfish manner?

It would seem that the smart car owner when looking for a parking space doesn’t see all the other small places that they could parallel park into like everybody fucking else.

Oh no, odious smart car owner seems to think that any space that exists between two cars that’s narrow enough to get your front wheels through is a parking space.

No matter the fact that by parking in this way your back is sticking out into traffic and no matter how small your poxy little car is, it will still cause delay on the road as people either swerve into oncoming traffic. Or have to wait for oncoming traffic, because your car which granted is small, IS NOT BLOODY SMALL ENOUGH THAT I CAN JUST CARRY ON DRIVING DOWN THE EFFING ROAD IF YOU PARK LIKE THAT!

In fact I'd go as far to say, that if you park with your back end sticking out like that. You have negated the whole benefit of having a bloody small car in the first place. You might as well be driving a fucking tank around you cretin!

There is something clearly insecure about the smart car owner, maybe it’s vulnerability they're feeling. A feeling which is no doubt exacerbated by driving a car where their legs act as a crumple zone.

Smart car owners need to be reminded of the fact that just because something’s possible, that doesn’t mean you should do it.

I mean it's possible for me to go and buy a baseball bat, and beat every single smart car I see parked nose-end-in to a pulp. Then I could go and find their owners and break their ankles and hands so that they can't drive ANYTHING!

Does that mean I should do it? No seriously I'm asking you here, just a single word and I'll do it. Or, here's a suggestion, park like everyone else. Content yourself with the fact that you can fit into smaller spaces and get around town faster than somebody in a whopping great 4x4.

OK, rant over, at least until I see another smart car inconsiderately parked.

Angry Man

BOY WAS I ANGRY BACK THEN! THIS IS FROM BACK IN THE MYSPACE DAYS WHEN I BLOGGED AS THE ANGRY MAN. TO BE FAIR THOUGH, THIS STILL REALLY ANNOYS ME.

IF YOU LIVE IN LONDON, ENGLAND YOU'LL KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. I'M WONDERING IF SMALL CAR DRIVERS ARE AS INCONSIDERATE IN OTHER TOWNS IN THE UK AND OTHER COUNTRIES ON THE PLANET?

AS EVER, LET ME KNOW BELOW!

Cryptogee