Translation practice: doriko - Astraea -blue star mix- (feat. 初音ミク)

This is a song I heard in the shuffle on Vocaloid Radio that sounded intriguing. And, indeed, the lyrics are pretty remarkable.

The song is from unformed, an early album released by producer doriko, who later went on to write some well-known songs from the Project DIVA series like 歌に形はないけど (Uta ni Katachi wa Nai Keredo) and ロメオとシンデレラ (Romeo to Cinderella). As far as I can tell, that album is only available in physical releases now. However, this song is available in a couple of third-party videos on YouTube (as seen above).

VocaDB lists this as a remix of a previous version of the song from an earlier album called 夕日坂 from the same artist, but I don't see any way to listen to that version online.

The only source of lyrics I found is a romaji version from a Brazillian lyrics site; I'm not sure if they come from liner notes in the album, or what. They seem to be basically accurate, as far as I can tell by listening. I reformatted the line and stanza breaks below, though, to fit the structure of the song as best as I'm able to interpret it.

As always, don't expect my Japanese comprehension to be particularly amazing; I'm sure there are plenty of errors in this.

Romaji	Best-guess kanji	English translation
Shizumiyuku hoshi de Yaketa sora wo miageteru Misuterareta basho Sore ga hito no sekai	沈みゆく星で 焼けた空を見上げてる 見捨てられた場所 それが人の世界	As the stars set, I gaze up at the burning sky. A place I couldn't forsake... That's the world of people.
Kanashimi wo daite Kono chijou wo tobisatta But even now, are you Koko wo mitemasu ka	悲しみを抱いて この地上を飛び去った あなたは今でも ここを見てますか	Bearing sadness, You flew away from this earth. But even now, are you Looking upon this place?
Koe yo todoke haruka tooku miorosu hoshi asutoraia Anata no aishita hito ni wa bokura wa narenai 'Fukanzen na hito' ga tsukuru Kono sekai wa ibitsu na mama Dakedo sore ga ikiteiru sugata	声よ届　け遥か遠く見下ろす星　アストライアー あなたの愛した人には僕らはなれない 「不完全な人」が作る この世界はいびつなまま だけどそれが生きている姿	May my voice be delivered far and away, to the stars that gaze down—Astraea! We cannot become your beloved people. Made by imperfect people, This world remains misshapen. Nonetheless, a vision of it living...
Ayamachi wo koete Tetsu no hane wo mi ni matoi Hito wa sora sae mo Te ni ireta shimatta	過ちを越えて 鉄の羽を身に纏い 人は空さえも 手に入れたしまった	We overcome our faults and don feathers of iron. Even the sky, people Have claimed.
Kedo wakatteiru Tsukurimono no tsubasa de wa Anata no moto he wa Tadori tsukenai	けど分かっている 作り物の翼では あなたの元へは たどり着けない	But we will understand... With artificial wings, Your realm Is unreachable.
Koe yo todoke haruka tooku miorosu hoshi asutoraia Anata no youni hokori takaku ayumu chikara wo 'Fukanzen na hito' ga tsukuru Kono sekai wa ibitsu na mama Dakedo sore wo hito wa kaeteiku	声よ届け　遥か遠く見下ろす星　アストライアー あなたのように誇り高く歩む力を 「不完全な人」が作る この世界はいびつなまま だけどそれを人は帰て行く	May my voice be delivered far and away, to the stars that gaze down—Astraea! For your sake, we have the strength to walk proudly. Made by imperfect people, This world remains misshapen. Nonetheless, people go home to it.
Koe yo todoke haruka tooku toki no kanata asutoraia Anata no me ni bokura wa mou utsuri wa shinai Nozomu dake no kako wa sutete Chiisana te de sagashitsuzuketeku	声よ届け遥　か遠く時の彼方　アストライアー あなたの目に僕らはもう写りはしない 望むだけの過去は捨てて 僕はもっと確かなもの 小さな手で探し続けてく	May my voice be delivered far and away, to the other side of time—Astraea! We no longer reflect in your eyes. As much as I wish to give up the past, I'm even more certain That my small hands will keep searching.
Yoru no yami wo kirisaki yuku mirai wo mau gin no tsubasa Anata yori mo tsuyoki ishi kono me ni yadoshi 'Fukanzen na hito' ga tsukuru Sekai wa mada minu sugata he Kawatteiku ima kono hoshi kara	夜の闇を切り裂きゆく未来を舞う銀の翼 あなたよりも強き意志　この目に宿し 「不完全なひと」が作る 世界はまだ見ぬ姿へ 変わって行く今　この星から	Silver wings that dance the future that shreds the dark of night! A will as great as yours... it dwells in these eyes. Made by imperfect people, The world, into a form not yet seen, Henceforth will transform! Because of these stars...

Notes:

• The lyrics do make heavy reference to the Greek myth of Astraea, so it's worth looking at that too.
• 声よ届け (koe yo todoke, "voice! delivery") seems pretty ungrammatical and disconnected from the rest of that phrase. I think it's meant to be a plea for the speaker's voice to be sent somewhere, but I'm really not sure. I'm assuming the "yo" from the lyrics I have is accurate... I don't think it would help matters much if it were "wo" instead, regardless.
• The quotes around 「不完全な人」 (fukanzen na hito, "incomplete people") sure make it seem like it's a reference to something or otherwise a notable phrase, but I didn't see anything at a glance. I didn't do anything to represent that in the translation.
• I had to break up that whole phrase a bit too to keep the line breaks in parallel with the Japanese text. "This world made by imperfect people" would be a bit more natural English.
• 「それが生きている姿」 (sore ga ikiteiru sugata, "a vision that that is living") kind of makes sense in my mind, if I'm understanding it properly, but it's a bit hard to turn into English, given the lack of a main verb. I think what they're going for is "[There is] a vision that it [the world] is alive"... but I don't know.
• "People have even claimed the sky" would be a more natural way of phrasing that verse, but I kept the original line breaks. "Claimed" is also a slightly liberal way of representing "completely taken." I might also be missing something in the fact that 「入れたしまった」(ireta shimatta "put in—did fully") is two verbs in past form mashed together, which I don't think you can do in normal grammar? I don't know; it might even be a typo.
• I also left the lines about artificial wings broken up in a weird way. "We cannot find our way to your realm with artificial wings" would be a more natural ordering, and a better translation of たどり着く (tadori tsuku, "to reach after a struggle, to find one's way to").
• I'm also being a little bit liberal in translating 元 (moto, "source, origin, place") as "realm." I'm not immediately seeing a better word for what that line seems to be saying.
• That whole last stanza is all over the place grammatically, so I'm probably missing plenty there. As far as I can tell, there aren't really any complete sentences, and there are at least a couple of archaic forms (the -き form of 強い, and the -ぬ ending on 見る), so I think the whole thing is meant to be really poetic and obscure. I did my best.
• I'm not entirely confident that the lyrics I have are correct in transcribing kono me ("these eyes") there; listening to the song, it sure sounds like there's another syllable in there. Maybe kokoro me or koto no me? I don't know; neither of those make any more sense to me.
• "ishi" in that same line could be 石 (ishi, "stone") rather than 意志 (ishi "will"), which would give the line a completely different meaning... but I have no idea what that meaning would be. "In your eyes like mighty stones, something or other dwells", maybe? I'm pretty sure it's not 医師 (ishi, "doctor"), at least. Ugh, I wish the kanji lyrics were out there somewhere...
• There might be a better verb for "mau" than 舞う (mau, "to dance whirlingly"), but I don't see it in the dictionary. 舞う is supposed to be an intransitive verb according to the dictionary, so it seems peculiar to give it an object here... but, poetry, I guess? I might be biased by the fact that the image of twirling with silver wings reminds me of my wife... <3
• I'm as confused by the next few lines as by the rest of that verse, but I think if I didn't try to maintain the original line breaks, it would be a little more like "The moment when a world made by imperfect people will change into a form yet unseen." It seems to be using 今 (ima, "now") as a noun, and not putting it as the subject of any verb, and I'm not really sure what to do with that.