You don't really want to be dead over just wanting a new life and character coming from these outlets. You feel and know as though you should have someone to go to who will help you, but where do you go? When you're broken?
As you go through life you're trying to live, laugh and love with others - it's as if you're unable to get to find the time to feeling as though you're able to - not to underestimate someone's pressures, it's as if people don't know how deep the abuse goes. I've always tried to be genuine and happy, but - I can't fake things that are happening to me... if you read my posts about my real situation, you'd see - it's downright disgusting what kind of days I've been going through. And, when it's the holidays or something important comes along - it gets harder and harder to enjoy the things I once loved and be a type of person that people get to enjoy. I've completely come unhinged!
The fact of the matter is, I've heard all of that before - and I've been sincere in my efforts towards that and I have yet to seriously scratch the surface of what I believe are my truest abilities. To reach out to my humanity with compassion, and seriously change things for countless people and make their lives truly better. But, I don't believe we are promoting what is good for humanity today - and nor do I agree we are heading down a really great American road. When is life going to matter more then money, and more-over that - when are peoples lives going to be left alone long enough to really create anything they wished to create. I want to write a song! I want to play my instrument of choice and I want to collaborate with my humanity. I've yet to experience that 100% humanity in that fashion where I feel not only we are able to dream up any dream - but, really be able to go after it - no matter what it is, and no matter how crazy it might be to someone else. As long as you aren't hurting anyone - you should be free to do those things. And, when we aren't so much as able to do anything without being spoon fed lies from our government, and people are addicted to trusting the state over trusting their instincts about things - it's enough to make me feel angry inside - but, most of which was from the fact that I was scared! I was detrimental! I was left here - with NO outlet, and I was screaming for a way to get out.
The fact of the matter I was scared to say the real things that were going on and leave them for public eyes. Either way, it's sad, when I'm searching for an outlet of my world that concerns themselves with some of these concerns that I have leaving people in detriment - stress, and leaving them in uninhabitable conditions that are worsening and sickening to the peoples lives. It might even leave you feeling as I do - DEAD INSIDE!
I can't get help from the government; the health-care ( in a way that would help me in these environments), the police ( in a way where they'd consider it police matter), the family (because everyone's either too busy, or just can't get into uncomfortable places to help others in their detriment), the lawyers, the attorneys and judges. You feel completely as though your system is working to enslave you, and not to ever allow you to be free - even when you're right, or should have the right to dispute something that seems is 100% fraud working over on you to sabotage you financially and to stop you from your simple fight! And, I'm sick of feeling like I have to back away from the person that I would otherwise be... and not just once, or twice, but daily! Daily things happening in these kinds of urban blight situations where people like me are thrown completely off their track. And, even if it's just getting that restful sleep that you mostly need, you're unable to get it - or get to a place where you are able to actually get better. You're unable to get better - so your health declines and while your financials are sabotaged by business practices that are rude - you're not only left without a car now, you're left without a way to do the things that you would otherwise be doing, and instead of being seen for the person you are - you're now seen for the abusive yelling and screaming ass-hole that you've been turned into - because you don't have any money - you're unable to sleep, and in the place that you live, it's uninhabitable with bugs and other jumping spiders, black mold and mycotoxins and who knows what all else. After the mice running around ruining my life - I feel as though even had I won a trial in court - I want my life back!
I'd rather have just gotten paid right, and paid on time and paid when I was supposed to get paid so that I could have just done the things that I wanted to do! I want my life back!
And, the fact of the matter was I am scared! Truthfully, I'm scared to death that there isn't an outlet out here that cares about what kind of things I'm going through, that I believe other people are going through as well, and could even be little children where there parents don't feel their concerns! It's frightening to think that there is such little care about the concerns that I've been experiencing and even when you go into the doctors and the health-care professionals about it, it's as if nothing can be done in order to protect you - or protect your life. You're living in what is called imminent danger for a year and through two holidays now, and you're meaning to tell me that you can't get a qualified competent inspector out to your place to even see it?
It's detrimental, it's stress... it's bugs, mice and other unknown allergens, it's black mold and concerns with these things. It's not being able to breathe. It's feeling as though you're suffocating and just allowed to die. It's sometimes feels as though these things were well known before we got here and that we're just not supposed to ever know about it, or press for our concerns. LIKE BUILDING CODE! Which I've covered in previous cases. So when we're all supposed to pay the government for thing that are happening to us we feel abused by even, and when things happen to you in a manner where they feel ultra scary - there is no one to talk to about your concerns!? There isn't one of these outlets that can concern themselves with our own concerns! What the hell is wrong in America? I'm crying, my whole world is spinning out of control and inside I feel I'm dying from these things because who could live like this? Who could keep their sanity while living with all these horrible concerns as if things are happening to you in triplicate. Things are happening where you can't control them, and you can't even be heard for the things that you're trying to get heard about!? When they are things like - people are being led to die in their own places for things they have no clue about! Things like these bugs, and mice and horrible situations are causing me to lose my mind - which is what they want you do to. They don't want you to make it into a court hearing because they don't want their places to be exposed for the things that cause people to move in and out of their places and quick - without ever getting any legal actions started because most people know that it's a pain in the ass trying to get your stories heard in court, and sometimes even harder to win!
But, with these kinds of things. I feel my life is completely done for! I can't live like this, and I have nowhere to go. I want to be positive on STEEM, and I never wanted to make these things public, but fearing my privacy and that I've been feeling hacked by these people, and know that it's possible - I feel it was a necessary step to make sure that my stuff WAS made public! I just can't live like this! And, I don't want anyone else to have to live as I have! No one moves into this place and allowed to "potentially" even have to go through 1/4 of what I have and consider this to be something no one cares about, and just move without ever expressing their real concerns! It's enough to make me sick. Even while I write this just now, I just had to stop because I feel a bug crawling on my skin!
End of post! Sorry, can't write anymore! Bye!
