BEASTLY TALES

THE GOLD DIGGER

My mule I have loaded
And her I have gently goaded
Towards prospecting’s vicarious thrills,
Yes, “there’s gold in them thar hills!”
I am now nearly eighty,
But listen well matey,
I wouldn’t have any other life.
I once had a lady, who was my wife,
But she soon tired of a gold miner’s action,
It clearly drove her to distraction.

Now I have Patsy, she is my mule,
And believe me now, she’s no fool.
She’s a loyal companion and friend,
There’s simply not any end,
To her reliably covering the trail.
She carries her load up hill, down dale,
And after a strenuous day tramping,
We find a fine spot for camping,
And there we spend the night.
We hear critters amoving but they give no fright.
As it is dawning on a new morning,
We perk up the camp fire, and Patsy is yawning,
We meet Leroy Leman, a very old man,
Prospects in a river for gold in a pan.
He shows us his gold dust, in us he has trust,
And the dust glistens brightly, so he hasn’t gone bust.
But, Patsy and me, we are gold diggers,
Prospectors, so to say, and it sure figures,
That we rightly knew, just where to go,
To get our season’s reward.
And we never, never get bored!

We were jumped by some rotten clods,
Who intended to rob us, the sods!
But Patsy kicked out,
They gave a loud shout,
And I hit them with my shovel.
They cried out and began to grovel,
And so we drove them away.
“Let’s get on our way, here we won’t stay,”
I said to my lovely mule Patsy.
Don’t be surprised we do chat, see?

“In the Klondyke, gold digging is good,”
There are many opportunities it should be understood.”
So said Dora Delectable to her friends.
“Yes, but why do you go out with all those old dills?”
“Because there’s gold in them thar dills!”
“I like the old ‘uns ‘cos they don’t last long,”
“And I only pick rich ‘uns that don’t pong.”
“Just when I think, that’s enough o’ it,”
“They fall right down and quickly snuff it.”
“Of course, firstly, they make out their wills,”
“With me as beneficiary, to pay all those bills,”
“Yes, there’s gold in them thar wills!”
This Dora did once, twice, thrice,
And then she retired, which was very nice!