A Walk Through the Bible with Magog

Just as a pig can be possessed by a demon a human body can be possessed by something else. Call it a ghost, an gin, a demon, an angel, a son of god, these bodies are clearly just shells. And as with the example of demonic swine this isn’t just reserved for homo sapiens. Lord knows how many of our past ancestors like homo erectis or Neanderthals were plagued as hosts to these supernatural beings.
People believe this today. And yes it is 2014. March to be exact and I just got done debating the soul with a friend of mine who is a Christian. He wrote a new book about his ideas about godlessness vs. god. He cannot admit that he accepts the whole of the theory of evolution. Which is to say – the part involving human beings. Which is to say - he disagrees with 99.9% of professional biologists. He must know more then them. Strange. If I could ever be able to convince him of the actual science that leads us to these conclusions that homo sapiens evolved from lower species of animals then I could of course ask at which point did God insert the “soul”? Remember too, through the lens of biological evolution it’s a nonsensical question to ask when was the first human being. Yeah, hate to break it to everyone reading this but the Adam and Eve story, ... yeah well it's a story. That's it. So Christianity fails before it even gets going, but let's pretend I didn't just write all of that and move on.
This "ghost in the machine" is a notion based in human animal introspection going back millions of years. Fear of death gave us religion and other cultural phenomenon such as afterlife stories and of course stories of hell if one not adhere to whatever form of religion was around at the time.
The Christian myth is essentially the most powerful to us today in America since it is the most commonly practiced religion followed closely by Islam. Muslims accept Jesus as a great prophet, but not the son of god, as is aptly named by author and history Reza Aslan in his book “No God but God”. However in Christian dogma the real fun begins.
Let's take a tour through the Bible:

THE OLD TESTAMENT
Here we have in the beginning (I guess the Big Bang?) a god named Yahweh, who created this universe. That’s right. He created it perfect. A rebelling angel that was cast down to this perfect planet (guess God didn’t see this coming or did since he is all knowing or this instantly makes no sense) takes the form of a snake and convinces the first two homo sapiens (which evolutionary biology tells us is impossible) that they should listen and eat of the forbidden fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. That’s right we see right off the bat Yahweh doesn’t like knowledge. Ouch. How foretelling. It gets more fun…
After these two bipedal apes eat from this forbidden fruit they recognize they are naked. *Sin = nakedness. Which by that rational all other species of animals (minus your little pet chihuahua that you dress up in a tutu) are in sin. What a fair and balanced God! (Remember God- only Yahweh- and Fox News are tight!) The God of the Bible is so full of anthropomorphic fallacies its not even funny. Almost makes a rational thinking person think that this whole thing may be concocted from the minds of a few bipedal apes. Hmmm.
Nah.
It's probably all true.
Everything becomes terrible after “sin” entered the world. You need an advanced degree in theology to say what I’m about to say next, - At this point sin entered the world and death by sin. So everything died. Before this nothing died. NOTHING. Not even black holes. Of course it’s up for debate among Christian cosmologists whether black holes and colliding galaxies even existed before the “fall of man”. They’re working on it. These hard scientific questions aren’t easy. We still need more time to examine these things. Can I get a ... Anthropomorphic fallacy?? What?
Here's some things that are explained by Sin by most Christian apologists:
Human anatomy which is riddled with problems (most humans first dying of tooth decay, pathogens, sanitation problems, child mortality rate is staggeringly high in those early years) = SIN. Again, collapsing stars, black holes swallowing up stars with possibly habitable planets = SIN. (All of which is a mistake by 2 human beings by the way.) 99% of all animal species on this planet going extinct = SIN. The endless list of the problems with the human anatomy alone (allergies, choking to death while eating and breathing, mismatched diseases etc) = SIN
Christian apologetics can be summed up as "God did it" or it's all "due to sin". Takes years of seminary to get these advanced degrees to basically learn the "god of the gaps/sin caused all bad things" arguments.
God at this time is busy flooding the earth due to homo sapien’s sin, but not being a total dick by keeping 2 of every animal species (including dinosaurs) and putting them on a large wooden ship that would by a mathematical certainty snap apart immediately once at sea. A strong case can be made for Unintelligent Design just using the Bible itself. Thoughout the Old Testament we see God having to wipe out clusters of humans because they weren’t living up to what he wanted form a species that has free will. Or this just makes no sense.
Stay with me
After the mayhem of destroying all of every species of animal (except a couple of each species) he moves on with his chosen people (yep, God has a favorite tribe of people among his human creations – the Jews!) It’s like a team. Go Chicago Bulls! Go Jewish people!
Now the fun part: Jesus. Remember we have to first get ourselves to accept our intuition and introspection. We must be convinced that we are something or someone inside our bodies. We are not our bodies, but these bodies are merely vessels and the essence of what’s inside (our soul/spirit/essence/whatever) is truly us. We are spiritual beings having a human experience as one New Age book is titled. (not the reptilian guy) If you don’t believe that and feel like you know enough cognitive science to accept the data that supports that the mind is a projection of the brain or at least there is zero evidence of a mind existing outside of a brain then you may have a problem with the next bit:
THE NEW TESTAMENT
So the blood bath of the Old Testament comes to an end and the all-loving all-powerful, all-just God who sanctions the killing of mass groups of people (and raping the women, ... I’m sorry I meant little girls) while also etching a commandment in stone saying that killing is wrong. Not hypocritical. We are here with a fresh breath of air into the New Testament (the less barbaric of the testaments) where suddenly prophecies are being fulfilled (see James Randi on the hoax of prophecy fulfillment and that should about put that to rest). We are graced (literally) with a young Jewish boy. He later follows in his “earthly” father’s footsteps and becomes a carpenter.
Everyone loves Jesus. America loves Jesus! Bill O'Reilly loves Jesus! Fox News loves Jesus! Everyone I freakin' know loves Jesus! He comes from lowly beginnings, humble, eventually preaches to sell your riches and give to the poor ... but also says to take up your sword and fight ... so some conflicting messages going on here. No wonder every possible type of human endeavor whether good or bad for society has had “Jesus on their side”. Think slavery (which was sanctioned in the Old Testament) or the civil rights movement. Think Democrats or Republicans. Rich or poor both are justified by Jesus' conflicting messages. If one was to literally follow the teachings of this man one would have the experience not unlike AJ Jacobs did in his book “Year of Living Biblically”. War, peace, rich, poor - Jesus is your guy!
But again Jesus' body wasn’t Jesus. Was it? Was Jesus the outlier (according to most people who believe in a soul) where he really was one with his body?! Was Jesus physical body and Jesus’s soul connected – fused, if you will? If he felt the pain and agony on the cross does that not suggest Jesus is his physical body? It's so confusing. If Jesus was a ghost in the machine (or Jesus’ soul was inserted into this body by God the father/who was also him/and a holy ghost– don’t ask about the damn ghost it gets too complicated – or it’s all made up, I'm still not sure.)
Jesus’ soul went somewhere for 3 days as his body lay decaying in a tomb according to the Bible. Some say he went to hell and conquered death and snatched some magical keys like some Lord of the Rings storyline. Maybe. Or maybe he chilled out in purgatory for 3 days kicking it with some sinners like he did on this planet. Either way what we do know is that Jesus soul is/was real – it left this plane of existence – thus it was supernatural, and that this "Son of God essence" went away from it’s body for 3 days.
Good news! Jesus synched back up with the "ape suit Jesus" and pulled himself off the grave and walked around (among other resurrected saints too by the way - read your Bible!) and became the “risen savoir” obviously. I mean who else rose from the dead?! (Except Lazareth – who clearly wasn’t the Son of God… I mean come on don’t make me laugh! Being dead and then coming back to life - even if you could prove it wouldn't prove you would be the Savior or anything! Duh.) Now we will assume that Jesus (the son of God miracle part of Jesus not the physical tortured part) healed his decaying body since in three days the human body starts to decay quite noticeably.
No need for skepticism here.
Now this is where it gets a bit weird. Jesus goes around meeting with people he knew. As in the gospel of Luke he assures them all he is NOT A GHOST (Remember Jesus acknowledges that ghosts are real here) but it is him in flesh and blood. So again, remember this is Jesus (the same Jesus soul 3 days before he died) and this newly healed ape body is now walking, talking, and breathing and testifying that he is in fact the Son of God.
He even eats with others after his resurrection. I always say if you have died and been resurrected after a few days you better EAT SOMETHING! Your body needs essentially vitamins and minerals now more than ever. Some have suggested doing this 3 days dead in the tomb diet, but I think it's pseudoscience. Doubting Thomas stops by and lives up to his name. He needs proof (unlike the rest of humanity to come) that he is in fact the risen savior. He feels with his own hands the nail holes and spear holes and believes he is in fact the Son of God. *Side note, I think I make a pretty strong case that Thomas was a poor scientist then because he still should even then be skeptical. There are other options than this man before you is the Son of God just because you felt his holes.
FAIR AND BALANCED: Anyways, despite the rest of humanity never getting the option to feel for ourselves the living savior's holes we are to accept with faith (how convenient!) that Jesus was not only real but the Son of God. Since as we've established if you are raised from the dead it makes you the Son of God (excluding the multitude of other saints resurrected and Lazareth as mentioned in the Bible, and of course this is in hinging on if you believe the beginning of this article I have written – that there is even a God in the first place).
It’s hard to discuss atheism with Christians because you not only have to deal with not believing in the One True God (no God but God) but with Christianity you have to deal with that God having a son who is also and/or God. And I haven’t even added the third more ridiculous layer of the Holy Ghost. (remember ghosts are real) It’s exhausting. And how a Christian doesn’t see that the burden of proof in their court is beyond me. I'm an atheist... I got nothing. You're a Christian and you've got: A Creator God (who doesn't need a mother or father) that has a Son/(which is also the Father) with no mother/and what the hell, throw a Ghost in there - make it Holy (which is also a Father/Son). This Son/Father/Ghost combo became a human being... to fix a mistake from 2 humans tricked by a snake... I can go on.

and I will.
I’m still not done. Here’s now what happens. Jesus takes his newly resurrected body (remember it is flesh and blood according to Jesus’ own words) and ascends into heaven. OK. So Jesus (the physical homo sapien part which is housing his “son of god” soul) is shot up into the sky and into outer space according to the eye witnesses of the Bible. Sounds like an UFO sighting doesn’t it? Well, it’s not, don’t be ridiculous! Intelligent beings from another planet?! Don't be absurd! it’s the Ghost/Son/Father flying off into outer space. Carl Sagan once tried to calculate Jesus ascension as any working astrophysicist should. He concluded that even if Jesus traveled at the speed of light he wouldn't have yet escaped our galaxy. Jesus hasn’t even left our galaxy. Think about that.
Maybe Voyager will find him somewhere out there. I suppose if Voyager did find Jesus out there one would have to expect to see a "Son of God soul" devoid of any recognizable homo sapien body as that would have been shredded upon leaving earths atmosphere at that speed obviously. So those atoms and molecules that made up the body (the shell) of the Son of God is floating around somewhere in outer space. If they were to find their way back to earth – just imagine the money one could make or just imagine the power one would have collecting these. Screw Jesus toast! I want Jesus atoms!
So is this the end? Jesus said that he would return in the lifetime of the ones that witnessed his ascension.
Did he?
No. :(
Was Jesus a liar?
Yes.

There are other books like Revelations in the New Testament that talk about the "End of Days" and horse/scorpions and and water turning into blood (standard plague shit). Don't focus on the glaring fact that the writers of Revelations hadn't read a modern biology book talking about how many mass extinctions the earth has had since the beginning of life. Don't think anthropomorphic fallacy. Don't think these men where ignorant of every possible bit of information modern science has given us about this entire planet's history. These men where channeling the one true God when writing these horse/scorpion predictions. Trust them. Believe them. Remember the Bible (in its entirety) is true, and grown ups get degrees in theology that consider this as real and relevant in 2014. Always cling to the Christian logic: The Bible Said It I believe It That Settles It. The Bible is true because the Bible says it is true.

That's some solid logic!

*Originally posted 3/08/14 on my blogger account: https://godsaiditibelieveitthatsettlesit.blogspot.com/