My first conscious recollection of waking up to different layers of perception was when I explained a child psychiatrist in my first session why I was feeling bad and he responded by saying something like: well you can explain it really well so I think you'll be fine.
Fine???!!! I silently screamed from behind my well posed body and face. Fine???!!! Can't you see that I am dying in here? But he did not, as I was articulating myself perfectly. I discovered the perfect way to hide. I was about 11 years old.
Or the time my mother told me (I think my brother was present too) she did not want to live anymore and I responded with: "what about us?"
I experienced my life crumbling underneath my feet as our parents entered into a long and painful divorce/war that on the surface was about betrayal and loosing trust but was actually about a sniper claiming its next victim. A sniper? Yes, the unrecognised World War II trauma (my mothers parents were murdered together with most of her family).
About six years after the adoption of our three kids - when wanting to fit back into the 'rat-race' - I built a mental prison on how to be the perfect mum, the perfect wife and the perfect employee; a sure recipe for a burn-out in 2012.
Looking back, I experienced dark times about every seven years (from the age of 11). To cope with those times, I unknowingly perfected the art of putting on a smiling face and became an expert communicator; a great mask to hide behind.
After my burn-out in 2012, I had one desire to - once and for all - discover and solve the reason for this recurring 7 years pattern, get to the heart of my essence and discover the meaning of my life. And I succeeded.
It is now very easy and clear to me that the most efficient way to learn about my true nature and mission in life was through personal experience with the potential of destructive power of hidden truths and contrast.
XM
My grandmother once told me: 'Every horse thinks it carries the heaviest weight' - this really helped me in times of hardship - no one can escape this indifferent universe. The secret is to remain intact and keep smiling :)) Up-voted!
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