Healing is something that used to come easy; when my fight or flight wasn't constantly engaged.
Five years ago I was given the diagnosis of end stage liver failure due to alcoholism. They gave me a 50% chance to live past 90 days.
Five years ago.
Five years sober.
The healing process has been long, although the physical healing seemed to be the quickest part.
It was the emotional healing; that is where the real hard work came in.
Putting down the bottle to save my life was the easiest and best decision I continue to make for myself. However if I am being honest, the most difficult part was and still proves to be, healing my unhealed trauma.
Only time will tell how well I've mastered or even attempted this.
As I navigate life now, five years later, I question so many of my choices and perceptions. Never once questioning my choice to stop drinking, however, I continue to question my place in this world since almost dying.
I do know that I didn't crawl out of that grave to only second-guess myself though. Nor did I escape death's fate to languish in less than mediocrity.
-although where exactly that lands me, I have still yet to discover.