Bringin' Home the Bacon

If your gardening skills leave a lot to be desired, if you come up a little bit short when it comes to planting seeds, then head on over to your local hardware store and quietly and surreptitiously ask for a bag of bat shit. Of course, you shouldn't let anyone know you are on a mission to score some bat shit, especially not your obnoxious neighbor who believes he's the next coming of Frederick Law Olmstead and likes to gaze at your wife while hosing his lawn.

Hardware staff are generally "in the know" about bat shit and will immediately take you to where the stash their bat shit. They'll make joke "you are going to be bat shit crazy" once you see what this does to your plants. And you'll tell them you are not too concerned about what bat shit will do for the plants but what it will do for you and your spouse.

Bat shit is also know bat guano. Somebody made up this name "bat guano" so they wouldn't have to say "bat shit" in polite company or in front of kids. Above is a picture of a bat shit (guano) hunter. Look the huge bats hanging on the wall behind him. Actually, he's doing research on "white nose syndrome" which has been ravaging the bat population recently.

There doesn't seem to be records of the first person to apply bat shit to agriculture but we know he or she must have run into a lot of resistance when he told people what it was. This is the same reason, when you go to your hardware store, everything will be handled on the down low.