The Black Sheep

Growing up the quiet and isolated kid in every environment shaped my writing skills in a positive way. I tend to bottle my thoughts and emotions, ad use writing as a form of release rather than venting to someone verbally. It keeps me professionally maintained, because when I'm writing, I feel like I can say all the things I want to without the feeling of being judged. There are times when I can't collect my thoughts and get them put together and write how I feel. Back when I was in middle school, I would write a lot to vent my thoughts because it was like the peaking stage for me, because I felt so out of place. As far as social life went, I was limited to the point I was sitting near the teachers, because I felt more comfortable around them. There were days when I would so many cruel things, but it somehow made me feel better in the end because I wasn't releasing my anger in a negative way. I did, however, give that paper to my teacher on some occasions because of how graphic and severe I was. I remember coming home and my teacher called my mom about the paper I made, and my mom was so upset that I did it. I wish she understood why I felt that way because I was at a lot point in life. Ironically, the next day, I saw the news broadcasting about how students write cruel things about other students. I was glad I wasn't alone, but at the same time, I didn't think it was that severe due to the fact that I didn't have any intentions on harming anyone. Even though I got in trouble for writing those cruel papers, I still wrote my thoughts down so I could clear my head of all the negative energy. It was the only way I could vent safely, because when you feel isolated and feel like you have no one to talk to, my paper and pencil were my best friends back then. I still remember to this day my teachers separating me from other students to stop the constant bullying. Sadly, I was stuck with those same people every day and I just had to be the bigger person and ignore it. Although it's bad to write malicious things about people, I felt less angry because I wasn't taking my anger out on others whom cared about me. I do want to thank any English class that I had back then, that allowed us to free write. It was the best time to vent all my thoughts without worrying what my teachers think. I guess being the black sheep wasn't so bad after all.