I've had a bit to deal with in life. I have allot inside. Want, need to be creative to stay sane. Sorry can't. No! push! Been working like a lunatic feeling totally burnt out. That desperate feeling to be let out of the cage, to relax, to get passionate. Get grinded by the situation over and over. Can't keep up with work eh? Then get debts stacked on you.
Had a mentally ill parent. No community support for that. Went to debt trying to help. Work, I don't mind it at all. Just don't want to do one job over and over and not have time or space for creativity. I feel lame cause I've complained about it forever.
Then when I want to get together with people for a break or get creative, to take life a bit seriously - I see them goofing off, taking life for granted, If I wear dark clothing or be too serious or sensitive I'm a weirdo. Then I re feel the desperation to be social and creative - when it's not there and people are doing drugs and goofing - I feel psycho. They are killing themselves slowly and I want to get creative and feel vital. So then it burns me out more. Don't drink too much but I do drink. And smoke too many cigarettes.
Well all the time I have for this morning folks. Later today and tomorrow is another chance.
"Just don't want to do one job over and over and not have time or space for creativity. " Yes, that's where I am too. I would so love for my life to be self-directed, where I'd get up each morning and decide which projects I want to work on and use the biggest part of my life energy on those.
I get the desperate feeling too. Some days I think, "I'm just going to pack up the cat and live in my car! Then we won't have all these bills!" Maybe one of these days I will. :-)
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I wouldn't survive on the street. Hopefully branching out with steemit though. It's taking time to build an audience and find something to say but I have some hope for an alternate source of income. This could be it.
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