Difficult times are ahead. The time has come in my learning where I have to be on my own. It's not good, it's not bad - it's just what it is. The time has come where I can no longer rely on the system we all live in (because I know that it is a big lie), on my own body and its reactions (because I know that my organism is a part of the above-mentioned system), on my feelings and emotions (they are also influenced by it), or on my thought processes. Everything has to be questioned and taken with alertness. Nothing and no one can be trusted fully. Not even a single breath or a sip of water can be taken for granted.
This is not a test anymore, even though they say everything is a test. The pain in my head and neck is saying this is not a test - this is REAL. My real-real reality of standing in front of the world on my own so I can finally learn how to walk without hoping someone will guard my back or take the hit from the front.
I'd say "Help me God", but all gods in this world are demons. And the real one... the real one cries for us, but he will never do things for us because then it won't count. It has to be done on one's own.