Hello Steemian's,
I will admit, I am not the best at dealing with confrontation. I tend to get a serious negative physical response to such challenges. When I say negative, I mean full of adrenaline, and almost incapacitating to normal cognitive function or reasoning. I actually kind of mentally "clam up" and tend to get outwardly aggressive in my nature. I'm not sure why, but let's take a look at an example of an earlier confrontation I had. It wasn't serious, but it put me out of my comfort zone.
A man in his mid fifties looks at me and says:
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Your generation is great at indiscriminately turning opinions into what you think are facts.
To say I was offended at his generalization, and seemingly direct attack on my intellect would be an understatement. Now if you haven't already thought about one aspect of this statement, I will just blatantly say that, it's a statement entirely based on opinion in and of itself. I suppose if you could show me some kind of extensive research, and proof supporting this I would change my mind about it, but I doubt anyone can or will. Entirely...opinion based.
My immediate response was:
Excuse me? Are you suggesting that I don't know the difference between an opinion and a fact?
He said:
Absolutely, you turn things into facts all the time that are actually opinions...
I said:
Are you serious dude? Please identify one single time where I have ever done this...Please.. You don't know anything about me, we barely talk except for in this smoke shack, and you are going to outwardly insult my intelligence by attacking my ability to differentiate between fact and opinion, while making a generalization which is completely opinion based to begin with???
He started to change his tune a little at this point, and insisted that it was a generalization that was not intended to be an attack on me, and also insisted that I was too sensitive. He then began talking about how shitty his day was going, and how it contributed to not fully thinking his statement through before stating it.
I was pretty humble with him, but I was still rather pissed off, and literally to the point of shaking. I wanted to beast out on him if I'm being honest, but that solves nothing, and in the long run, I feel like shit when I behave in this manner. I actually enjoy debates, but I prefer debates to maintain a certain level of respect. If you cannot enter into debate without outright insulting someone on an intellectual level, then it's my opinion you should not debate anything. Maybe that is a bit extreme? I believe in respect. I don't always respond in a respectful manner if I feel disrespected. Of course this is something I consider to be a character defect.
Where I live is filled with individuals who suffer from rather extreme mental health disorders, as well as recovering addicts. I have to remind myself of this aspect when I get upset, because I am one of them. I am not above anyone on this earth. This man I am speaking of was an esteemed lawyer once upon a time, became an alcoholic, his life went to shambles, and here he sits. He will not accept the fact that he did this to himself. He outwardly blames everyone else. I listen to him day in and day out yelling at his significant other on the phone. Telling her how this is "all her fault". I really wonder why she puts up with it.. but perhaps she is sick like he is.
Communal living just sucks. I had to get a little rant off my chest, because writing has a healing power, and also helps to put things in perspective. Looking back on it now, I could have handled it a little better, and not been such an asshole to him, but hey, I did kind of take offense to that pompous "know it all" shit, and he did seem rather surprised when I threw it in his face just how opinionated he made himself look..My little way of telling him not to call the kettle black.
Well that's it. I don't really know what else to say about the matter, and I don't have anything fabulous to close with so...
Much love,
@futuremind
As you described, he's bitter angry and wanting to blame. So he blames 'your' generation for something that he does himself (equating opinion with fact). It's all about him.
I get the anger paralysis thing - I used to see it as the onset point for rage and 'losing it'. Looks like you handled it pretty well in this regard - you challenged him and called out the drama "You don't know anything about me, we barely talk except for in this smoke shack, and you are going to outwardly insult my intelligence by attacking my ability to differentiate between fact and opinion, while making a generalization which is completely opinion based to begin with???"......and he backed down after this, even reaching for self-pity and justification (snap switch from bully to victim)....OK, perhaps in the heat of the moment you didn't state it as neatly as here 😋 , but you didn't give in to anger in the moment, and that IMO, is critical.
I have found that standing up for myself and saying 'no' has remarkable effects. A guy at work used to teasingly call me a 'long-haired, part-time hippy' - it wasn't said very nicely and I did not like it. After putting up with it for a while, I once firmly but not aggressively said to him "I don't have a problem with that, do you?"......since then only cordial respect :D
Beyond it all, there's perhaps even some compassion to be unearthed (as you do) for the down-and-out lawyer, who is obviously suffering and deeply unhappy. You do not seem to have added to his misery the way you would have had you lost it with him! You did him, yourself and futurepeople (ha ha) a service, as he is likely to think twice about trying that shit in the same way again with some random other!
Nice one @futuremind 🔆
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Humans....right, we love creating opinions and have a special bias towards it. I still remember a friend, now he's still my classmate and we are still pretty close. What happened last semester is that I was in the same presentation group as him, and we are going to talk on a footballer. He is fanatic, till the extent I cannot really tolerate with him and cannot find evidence that he is thinking to the way he should (hey, it is a critical thinking course). He just keeps asking me "why the heck you don't understand blablablabla..." and I seriously went emotional during discussions. He is not even trying to listen to me, the only guy in the group that does not have any clue who this footballer is and hence has absolutely no fan element in mind.
Like really, no one likes it when I am emotional. I really look like a guy that is going to commit suicide when that happens even though I never thought of doing so. The entire group is like super worried and they don't know what to do (although I am very fine at some deep thoughts of mine). Later on I just say that I'm going out for some air, told them to only do the "Facts" part of the footballer and didn't come back to them for the night.
Late at night I gave that guy an email. A 1k word email that explained every single thing in my mind, what I thought of, and whatever I feel like throwing in. Next day, he said that he read the thing and is okay with everything with it. The entire project went on smoothly since then.
Sometimes there is really some need to slap someone real hard for them to realize that they are a little messed up...I actually admire people that can respond to insults like these. If I am there I would either stay quiet and go the super sadistic way of responding or just push him to the wall if it goes a little too overboard for me to handle. Bad examples, please do not follow if you happen to stumble upon this comment.
Just saying, but I enjoy life stories like these...always remind me of stuff around me. Probably my memory is still working normally :P
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I think going out for some air is an excellent choice in this situation. Sometimes, especially when it's a group thing, and the attention seems to be focused on yourself, you just need to get away for a minute to compose yourself.
You have a deep intellectual processing mind. Indeed this might actually be a better way for you to express how you feel to people. I can also relate. In a perfect world for me, I would tell someone that I have an issue with, "I will send you an email later", and the individual would at least get a thorough representation of what is going on in my mind, for the good or bad...But we don't live in a perfect world, and this isn't always the optimum way to communicate. I think it would be better though, for minds like ours.
@lilacse I don't know why, but this made me laugh a bit. I really understand, truly. Sometimes I want to slap people too, but it really does nothing to help their disposition, or your own. If anything it will just make them more of a bitter person towards pretty much everyone. As far as admiration is concerned, I too admire people who can stay calm, cool, and collected when confronting situations such as this. I am not good at it by any means. As well as I handled it, there is still much room for improvement. Especially with my physical response of becoming adrenaline pumped and ready to pounce.
HAAA! We are alot alike I think @lilacse. I feel like my mind just works way slower than most people's. It's sometimes very difficult for me to have a "real time" debate on any topic, unless I am paired with the perfect individual who likes to delve deep into discussion at a slow pace. When the conversation is moving too fast, in a direction I don't like, and can't seem to quickly defend myself, I get real pissed off, and experience the same sadistic, "I'm gonna kill you" feeling. For me, it's totally normal, but it's something I know I need to work on, and if you have the same issue, you may need to as well if you find it to be any type of hindrance in your life.
I really enjoyed your comment man. It's always a pleasure to get some feedback on my rants. You really never truly know what to expect on my blog LOL. Anyway's I am sure I will probably catch you in discord later.
Much love
@futuremind
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Future mind if you are bigger than the him and have no fear of being hurt, you can also just yell your brains out until they cower and go away. But that only feels good for a few minutes and doesn’t fix the problem. The conciliatory approach, including making your own case, as needed, is more satisfying. Just don’t over-conciliate.
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I prefer the conciliatory approach, and will choose this way every time as long as I don't feel someone is straight up disrespecting me, or calling me stupid. I quickly get hostile feelings. I have an idea why this is, but it still is not a good response to have, and I am working on it. It is not easy when that adrenaline surges through you mixed with anger.
Getting mad and screaming at people happens rather rarely with me, but once in a blue moon it does happen, and I end up feeling terrible about it, because that is not the person I am, it's rather an emotional response I have to not coping with my emotions correctly.
I appreciate your comment. Thank you for reading.
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Communal living can be rough especially in the city!
👹
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Yeah it certainly is rough at times.
And I really did want to beast at the time, but writing about it really did help me put into perspective just how ridiculous it would have been. Ironically, I had a pretty pleasant conversation with him right before typing this, where I did explain that he was indeed correct that I am overly sensitive at times, and he acknowledged also where he was wrong in his approach towards me. It was a nice little chummy eye to eye conversation that involved no hostility.
Thanks for stopping by my friend.
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This (stating opinion as fact) is actually one of my primary contentions.
Please do not conflate Qualia with Quanta.
Qualia = qualitative, experiential, personal, private, value judgement, opinion
Quanta = quantitative, verifiable, scientific, tautological, real-true-fact
For example,
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It's quite staggering how much this seems to happen. Especially generalizations that are stated as fact. My mind was utterly blown when that man said this to me in a very condescending manner.
Looking back on it now, I allowed myself to have an emotional response to it, a negative emotional response, in where I felt his generalization was a blatant attack, due to an opinion he had conjured up in his mind, regarding an entire generation of people. The real irony to me was he was stating his opinion about a generation not knowing the difference between opinions and facts. I think my face must have contorted in a way that I'll probably never be able to emulate again.
Why do I feel he was stating an opinion?
Because a generalization such as this cannot be a fact unless you have the data on every single person in an age group, of which he obviously does not. (That is my opinion, but I guess it sounds like I'm stating a fact lol, it seems logical enough anyway.)
You did a very nice job with this example video. It was a great reminder of why I do not watch mainstream politics. Debates do not seem very respectful to me with the mainstream media, and I trust very little of it.
Thank you for taking the time to read and share your perspective @logiczombie.
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Good point!
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