[Grad School Application Journey] Part 2. Asking for Letter of Recommendation

Today, I want to write about my experience of asking for letters of recommendation (LoR). It was very imperfectly done and was filled with mistakes, but I think it is worth going over it, if for nothing else, so that I don't repeat the mistakes when I go through this process again for PhD (this grad school application was for MS) in about a year and a half.

I think that, as simple as it was, this was arguably the most difficult part of the application process for me. I'm an introverted person, and I always had difficult time asking someone to do something for me, especially when it costs them valuable time and energy. I'm sure asking your professors (or whoever else) to write a recommendation letter is not a comfortable thing to do for anyone. Even though the actual hard part, writing the letter itself, is done by them, it was nevertheless difficult to ask in the first place.

The Gameplan:

Before my final year started, I realized that by the time I graduate, I would have taken 4 optics courses from 3 different professors. So my plan was to do well in classes, befriend them, and ask all 3 of them for LoR. All of them are well-established figures in the optics world (such as being fellow of OSA). 2 of them regularly give speeches in big optics conferences like Photonics West or CLEO. Since I had a weak resume (low gpa, lacking research exp.), I thought that getting 3 strong LoRs from well-known figure within the field is the least I can do for myself.

Result:

Well... even though I knew that I would have to eventually ask them for LoRs, I did not do a very good job befriending them during the semester. I did not go to office hours very much, and I did not talk or ask questions during lectures very much. The only saving grace was probably the fact that the classes were small and other students did even less than me, so by relative standard, I may have done just enough for them to have a favorable impression. As for the grades, I did ok, well, and very well under each professors.

Here was how I assessed my situation with each professors:

Prof. 1 = had a class with him in Fall 2017. Class only had 8 students. Hardly talked during lecture. Only started going to office hour several times near the final. Did ok in terms of grades. Did not talk to him at all after the final, until I had to go ask for LoR.

Prof. 2 = had classes with her in both Fall 2017 and Spring 2018. Did very well grade-wise for both semesters, but hardly talked during lectures. Did go to office hours a few times over the course of the year, and talked before class about non-class related stuff pretty regularly.

Prof. 3 = had a class with him in Spring 2018. Hardly talked during lecture. Did not go to office hour. Did well grade-wise.

So yea... I horribly botched a great opportunity to get myself 3 strong LoRs from 3 well-known figures in the optics world. Now I had to look like an idiot who was trying to use his professors' fame to get into grad school. Oh boy, did I hate the position I was in, but what choice did I have at that point? What was done was done, and all that was left to do was to go and ask... So in May 2018, after I finished my last final of undergrad, I had a week free until graduation commencement. I emailed each professors and schedule an appointment in their office.

Prof. 1

Prof. 2

Prof. 3

Prof. 2 was first.

The appointment was in the morning, either 11 AM. I was very nervous, but I kept telling myself that the worse that could happen was "No". She was not going to attack me or verbally abuse me or anything. So I walked into her office, said hello and stuff like that, and I immediately told her that I'm thinking about going to grad school for optics, and that I need her to write me a LoR. I was very direct, almost blunt (first, because it was pretty obvious that the only reason I would come to talk to her was to ask for LoR, and second, because if she was going to say "No", then I might as well hear it asap)

To my EXTREME relief, she said "Sure!" She told me that I shouldn't be nervous about asking for LoR, because that is something that comes with the job of being a professor, since they too had to get LoR from someone when they were younger. Oh man, I don't think my bad writing can do justice in describing how relieved I was after hearing that. I also asked her about possible places that I should apply to, but to my disappointment, she started listing universities that are way over my head (she did not see my transcript at this point, and since I did so well in both of her classes, she probably thought I was a straight-A student or something haha. I did bring my GPA up to 3.13 when all was said and done, but that is nowhere near competitive number, especially when you consider that I didn't have any research experience either). I told her that since I would be applying in the Fall, I will send her my transcript/resume/SOP after Summer.

One down, two to go...

Prof. 3 was next.

This meeting was in the afternoon, at 2. I waked into his office, shook his hand and said hello. And just like for Prof. 2, I told him straight up that I'm thinking about applying to grad school in the Fall. I asked him if he could write me a LoR. Unlike Prof. 2, he was VERY hesitant. He told me that we don't know each other very well, and that all he could write would be that I took his course and did well, and he usually don't write that kind of LoR.

This was like a dagger in my heart. Panic struck in. I mean, I understood that it is 100% my fault that I didn't interact with this professor AT ALL during the semester. But nevertheless, maybe it was because Prof. 2 told me that it was professors' duty to write LoR for their students, but I was very optimistic coming in. I was totally unprepared for this straight up "No" in my face (essentially). If I can't get LoR from this professor, then my list of LoR writers dwindles to 2, and that means I would either have to go find a replacement LoR writer, or only apply to universities where they require 2 LoRs. Neither seemed very appealing.

I basically begged him to write at least 1 LoR for my undergrad institution, and he reluctantly made a deal with me. Just one LoR. I didn't know if this was still a good thing or a bad thing. But as I left, we shook hands and he smiled and said "Good Luck!" Even though my mood wasn't very good at this point, those words somehow had a huge soothing effect. Even though I didn't get what I wanted here, there was no animosity. I put him in an impossible situation, and he had every right to reject my request. But I understood that he genuinely wished me well in this journey, and to have a big figurehead in optics like him root for me was a huge psychological boost.

Prof. 1 was next day.

After my meeting with Prof. 3, I had the entire afternoon and night to think about what to do if Prof. 1 declines too. That would be a truly nightmarish scenario, since finding, not 1, but 2 LoR writers would be very difficult at this point. I don't remember what my plan was if that happened. I might not have had one lol.

So on the next day, I went to Prof. 1's office. Just like previous 2 meetings, I said hi and went immediately to my talking point. To my relief, he said "I would be happy to". I was very grateful. Since this was a professor that I haven't seen during entire Spring semester, I was worried that he might not even remember me. And even if he did, I felt very bad for showing up out of nowhere after 5 months and asking him to write LoR. I should have kept in touch with him even after the final... we talked about a lot of stuff, and he even told me that he would help me with SOP. I was SO grateful, I don't even know how to write about it. I was truly blessed to have taken a class from a professor like him.

So I secured 2 LoR writers... both of whom are pretty well-known in the optics world. Now I had to go find a 3rd. I had 3 options:

Prof. 4, a non-optics ECE professor of class I took in Spring 2018,
Prof. 5, a non-optics ECE professor of class I took in Fall 2017,
Prof. 6, an optics ECE professor of class I took in Fall 2016.

I essentially had the same problem with 5 and 6. Grades were good, but I had minimal contact with them both during and after I had class with them. I was hesitant about Prof. 4, because the class I had with him was not a traditional class, but at least we had a lot of interactions, both during and outside the class. And after my encounter with Prof. 3, I realized that getting an A in the class alone was NOT enough. I've heard many people who got LoR from professors they didn't know personally but got As in, but Prof. 3 proved to me that it could just as well not happen. So I thought it was safest to go with Prof 4.

I did not email Prof. 4 to set up an appointment. I just visited his office the day after my meeting with Prof. 1 sometime around noon and hoped he was there. I don't know where this recklessness came from.

But luckily, he was just coming out of his office when I got there. I asked him if he was busy, and he said no. I asked him if we can have some time to talk, and so we went into an empty room across the hall from his office. I, again, was direct and asked him if he can write LoR for me. He said he would, and then he started asking me about all sorts of optics questions. I didn't really care if I answered them intelligently or not, because I was just so happy and relieved that I finally secured all 3 LoR writers. He told me how even if I'm applying for MS now, I need to show them that I want to do PhD in the future and how the admissions committee really like that. I did take that to heart (mainly because I genuinely want to continue on to PhD, but also to boost my chance of admission for MS as well). What I expected to be about 10 min ordeal with Prof. 4 went on and on to almost an hour.

This all happened in May 2018.