OpenVisionZ Blog #9 The Story of Roarin Farts the Professional Wrestler
OpenVisionZ Blog #9 The story of Roarin Farts
The Wrestling Superstar "Roarin Farts" has been a household name around the world since the early 80's
Roarin Farts is a professional ex-amateur wrestler who holds Championship Belts in three different intercontinental wrestling leagues they are the International Wrestling Federation of Amateur Wrestlers Association, The Amateur Wrestlers Federation of Professionals Wrestlers and The World Wrestling Commission of Pro-Am Wrestlers. His accolades speak for them selves, Roarin Farts is best remembered for beating the ferocious 7'5 "Japanese Tornado" Swung Lo Hoggins in the 1987 International Wrestling Federation of Amateur Wrestlers "Royal Blood Battle" Where he finished the Japanese Tornado with his effervescent signature move the "Farting Mouth Shart" off the top ropes, which put Swung Lo Hoggins in a stench coma for 9 hours after the match. Roarin Farts has been retired for the last 6 years and has had his fair share money troubles and has struggled with licentious behaviors in and around the ring.
Roarin Farts takes over the world!
Roarin Farts has been involved in fraudulent acts in Tokyo, Argentina and Honduras where he has been allegedly seen in the red light districts mugging hookers for used condoms for personal uses that are not legal in those jurisdictions. Fartshas since cleaned his act up and is now living anonymously in the Caribbean Islands under the concupiscent alias Bill"Slippery Tits" Wilson where he owns a charter boat and gives tours to vacationers and cruises the seas looking for hidden treasures and performing sexual favors for seagulls and mollusks. The Roarin Farts legacy still lives in small towns in America like Saugatuck, Michigan and Bayfield, Wisconsin. Children of the 80's might remember him best for his prodigious match with fan favorite "Pee Stains Maccaroo" where Roarin Farts paid homage to 70's ebony actress phenom "Judy Pace"by entering the ring wearing a custom g-string made of recycled pubic hair from random Brazilian wax salons in Harlem, New York. The match was like none other in history lasting 6 hours, it ended in a barrage of dirty wet farts directly in the face of Pee Stains who subsequently lost his sense of smell and taste after the defeat.
Rorin Farts has been the spokesman for companies like Taco Bell and Quaker Oats who had thrown advertising campaigns promoting the catch phrase "I Eat things that make the farts the linger"
He also has been the leading factor in global health awareness across America and Asia, teaching the way to make a healthy shart, bringing light to health conscious diets that result in healthy shits and farts.
The unforgettable wrestling match that made Roarin Farts a household name around the world!
The Roarin Farts iconic slogan is "I'll Eat Your Farts Raw" he coined this phrase during the legendary match with Thick "Tuna Can Dick" Turner in the first Cage and Rage Mania Match held by the International Wrestling Federation of Amateur Wrestlers Association. Roarin Farts came in hard and ready, he made a remarkable entrance by parachuting into the cage with such finesse it left fans breathless, not from the gaseous entry, but because stitched into the parachute was his new catch phrase "I'll Eat Your Farts Raw" embroidered in diarrhea green with what looked like a giant shit smear going down the center of the chute. He pulverized his opponent, unleashing his rarely used maneuver the "Flying 360 Brown Eye Buttock Drop" off the top of the cage, which snapped Thick "Tuna Can Dick"Turners femur like a twig. Turner ended up retiring after the loss realizing that he was no match for Roarin Farts in the ring but soon came out of retirement after Farts was allegedly caught sucking farts out his then girlfriends ass raw with a straw in a woman's bathroom at Manhattan nightclub. The match was held in The Omaha Meat Grinder stadium and it was a match made in hell. Farts had been on a diet of broccoli and fish cakes to prepare for the match and cleared the arena that held more than 30,000 patrons who all had to be evacuated from his unearthly flatulence due to faulty ventilation in stadium. The throw back from the fans was awful, most of them demanded their money back and some got violent. Roarin Farts had filed a lawsuit against the stadium which resulted in a $400,000 dollar settlement and to gain back his fandom he gave any patron that attended the event but left with nausea, a full refund and a portion of the settlement which was divided up equally among anyone who attended, all unclaimed refunds were donated to the Hershey Squirts Foundation for Kids. Inevitably the grudge match was rescheduled and Roarin Farts went on to annihilate Thick Turner in dubious fashion by giving him the infamous 3 Finger 1 Thumb Micky directly into the bum of Tuna Can Dick Turner, in result Thick couldn't use a toilet for a week after the loss and to add insult to injury Roarin Farts went on to impregnate Turners then girlfriend in a very unorthodox way by injecting his own semen into his ass and blowing farts into her vagina. Farts coined this maneuver the "Backwards Volcano Squriting Ejaculation".
Roarin Farts Success Skyrocketed
Roarin Farts success skyrocketed after the events held in Omaha and he eventually went on to become one of the first amateur pro wrestling Hall of Fame inductees and had a statue built in his honor that is still displayed in front of town hall in Queens, New York. After his retirement he started to get into trouble with money and drugs resulting in him having to take up a alias and live off land on a boat in the Caribbean Ocean, he has three children and 2 grandchildren who's where bouts are unknown. The legacy of their grandfather is still alive and Roarin Farts still holds titles in almost every wrestling federation in the world. Rumors of him coming out of retirement are whispered amongst fans of wrestling and the game is not the same with out him.
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