For about 3-5 years now I've been avoiding songs by R&B singer Ne-Yo. And I'll explain why and how that alone brought this whole experience with some background.
From 5th grade, my favorite music started as pop (Bruno Mars, Katy Perry) then proceeded as R&B (Usher, Ne-Yo)in 7th [and i just had another realization while thinking about this] and lastly hip/hop rap in 9th and beyond. Ne-Yo was one of the first artists had enticed me to explore the R&B world and I specifically had "One in A Million" downloaded on my 2nd generation iPod Touch.
My sister's cancer also started in my 7th grade year. It was a lonely time for me and a huge struggle on my family. My grandma came to babysit my other sister Jaden and I, because someone had to watch us while my mother and stepdad switched shifts with each other rotating between the hospital and church. I understood what was happening and have lived to this day as just thinking of that time as it was. But I never looked at it deeply till now, when I took a fat dab hit. The effects of questioning everything and over thinking about my current task kicked in. Anyways, when I took a little visit to R&B radio today in a Spotify playlist, I played every song I liked except Ne-Yo songs until I decided to click on "One in A Million".
A thought occurs to me as I played this song having not heard it for a couple years. I believe that I never played this song because it is associated with a time of trauma in my life that I never truly looked back on and thought about again. Now that I'm taking that dive, I think when a boy is 12 years old and hormones and whatnot begin to build up, it's a crucial time of development for character. I may have heard that from somewhere or making it up but it's along those lines. Not to make this a sob story but I was always the quiet kid, have no in-person friends, and returns home to only speak to his online friends because grandma only speaks Vietnamese. During this time I used video games to escape reality for a moment's time and plunge myself into another universe. At least it wasn't drugs haha. So that may explain why I still am that way. As I've said before I'm a college student who pretty much feels like he's in middle school again. Despite joining clubs I haven't made a true college friend. I do have friends from my old high school basketball team keep in mind.
I must also point out that at the time I met my video gaming set of friends in the summer going to 9th grade, my sister had also beat cancer at the time, give or take a month and returned home. And I completely dropped R&B and transitioned to various styles of rap (Eminem, Drake, Nicki) before the next summer began. This sums up why I believe I have never visited Ne-Yo again.
*Side Note:
I wasn't able to remember the time of listening to Ne-Yo only other than thinking about my iPod. Why didn't I think of the time as bonding with my other sister? Cause I spent so much time on the phone!?! Im not sure where I was going with that but if you have made this far into my post I sincerely apologize for making you read through my nonsensical ramble. I'm on cloud9😌 and i tend just go off with different thoughts in my mind. I appreciate you folks reading my post.