How Being Dark Skinned and Fat Becomes a Lifelong Curse

While there are many issues prevailing in the society I live in, there is one that disgusts me the most and that has affected my life in many ways- being ridiculed on the basis of your complexion and physique. When we come into this world, I don’t think we really care about how dark or light skinned we are or whether or not we are chubby. It is the society that makes us feel differently about how we look by putting different labels on us.

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I was never a very fair skinned girl. Although I was quite fair when I was an infant, my skin became darker as I grew up. I didn’t have any problems with it since I did not see it as an issue. However, the people around me thought otherwise. They kept telling me how dark I was and how it wasn’t supposed to be a good thing. What was worse that they used my complexion as an insulting label to make fun of me.

It did upset me a lot and as I observed the world around me more, I realized that there were many people around me going through the same. Some were made fun of because they were dark; some because they were chubby; and some because they were short heighted. This appalled me to my core. Body shaming was quite a norm in my society and an issue that was sabotaging the well-being of many like me.

I wasn’t appalled because I or others like me were made fun of. What disturbed me the most that are physical traits and features were used against us and were turned into our shortcomings and traits that should make us feel bad about ourselves. I see no harm in having a dark complexion which in our local language is known as ‘sanwla’ or kala’ if it is extremely dark. I mean it is the complexion you are born with so what’s bad about it. sadly, the people around us don’t seem to think in a similar direction. They use it as an insult so when someone is termed as dark skinned or ‘kala’, it means that person is terrible looking. A simple adjective is turned into something horrific by the many narrow minded people of the society.

This is what disturbed and disgusted me the most. People using these labels quite often don’t understand the long-term implications of their behavior. They don’t realize how they lower the morale of those they are hurling the comments at. They don’t understand how they push down the self-esteem of the affected person to the extent he/ starts choking from deep inside. They don’t see how they turn a confident person into someone who stops trusting himself/ herself. They don’t simply realize how they are shaping the life of a person and throttling his entire existence.

My husband and I were both affected by such statements. For a long time, I doubted myself because of that behavior. However, when I turned 18, I started gaining confidence and moved out of my cocoon of low self-esteem. My husband went through the same issues in his family too. The cast to which he belongs is mostly fair skinned. He, on the other hand had a really dark skin which made him of the object of criticism and amusement among his older cousins.It is one of the reasons that lowered his self-confidence and made him succumb to anxiety. While we are both recovered and happy now, the issue in the society still prevails.

We are parents of a handsome, amazing boy now who too has a slightly dark complexion. We are perfectly happy and fine with it because for us, the color of the skin is not an issue at all. However, there are still people around us who keep shoving labels on him. Whenever he is labeled as ‘kala’, we tell him to happily accept it because that’s the color of his skin and it is not something to feel bad or ashamed about because he is beautiful just the way it is. He does not understand it right now but we are trying to plan a non-judgmental seed in his subconscious so as he grows up, he learns to respect and love everyone.

The color of the skin also causes many obstructions in the lives of Pakistani girls. When parents of a dark skinned girl start looking for marriage proposals for her, they become worried that their daughter may get rejected because of the color of her skin. It is then when the many aunties of that girl, her mother and friends and even the girl herself begin looking for ways and remedies to look fair.

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If you observe the advertisements of fairness creams, you will realize the huge media bias associated with being fair. Fairness is projected as a means to live a happy life, find a good groom, land a good job and become successful in life. There are many brands of fairness creams that have created advertisements based on this concept. This is one of the root causes of the entire issue. The media constantly reminds us of how terrible it is to be dark skinned and how you need to lighten your complexion to be happy in this world. The companies behind those creams and the advertisers broadcasting the ads are getting millions from the campaign and don’t care at all how their work is influencing the lives of people around them.

I have seen many people surrender to chronic stress and depression because of this issue which is why I felt the need to bring up this topic in today’s post. If there are people around you who feel bad or stressed because of their dark skin or any other feature that is used against them, please lend them your comfort and support. Be there for them and slowly make them understand that their features or traits aren’t the criteria of success or happiness; neither do they make them any less than others around them. they need to be proud of who they are because they are amazing and have their own individuality. That’s what I say to my son and everyone else around me.

Lots of love,

Sharoon.

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