The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Stephen R. Covey

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Author: Stephen R. Covey
Introduction

In the last fifty years, the literature on success has been superficial. It described techniques for creating an image, special techniques of quick action - a kind of "social aspirin and band-aid" that were offered to solve acute problems.
There are basic principles of effective living, and true success and happiness can only be achieved by learning to follow these principles.

The seven skills of highly effective people encompass many of the fundamental principles of human effectiveness. These skills are fundamental; they are of primary importance. They represent the system of principles on which happiness and success are based.

Paradigms and principles

There are basic principles of effective living, and true success and happiness can only be achieved by learning to follow these principles.

However, before we can learn these seven skills, we need to understand what our own "paradigms" are and how the "paradigm shift" is accomplished.

The paradigm can be thought of as a map of terrain. It is clear that a map of the terrain is not the terrain itself. That is what a paradigm is. It is a theory, an explanation, or a model of something. From such assumptions arise our attitudes and our behavior. How we perceive certain things becomes the source of how we think and how we act.

I remember a mini paradigm shift I experienced one Sunday morning in the New York City subway. Passengers were sitting quietly in their seats, some reading the newspaper, some thinking about their own things, some resting with their eyes closed. Everything around was quiet and peaceful.

Suddenly a man and his children entered the carriage. The children were shouting so loudly, making so much mischief, that the atmosphere in the carriage immediately changed. The man sat down on the seat next to me and covered his eyes, clearly not paying attention to what was going on around him. Children were yelling, running back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing at passengers' newspapers. It was outrageous. But the man sitting next to me did nothing.

I felt annoyed. It was hard to believe that one could be so insensitive as to allow one's children to bully without reacting or pretending that nothing was going on. It wasn't hard to see that all of the passengers in the car were just as annoyed. In short, I finally turned to the man and said what seemed to me to be an unusually calm and restrained tone:

Sir, look, your children are bothering so many people! Would you please call them to order?

The man looked at me as if he had just woken up from a dream and didn't understand what was going on, and said quietly:
Oh yes, you're right! I guess we should do something... We just came from the hospital where their mother died an hour ago. I'm confused, and they're probably not thinking straight after all this, either.
The terrain map is not the terrain itself

Can you imagine how I felt at that moment? My paradigm shifted. Suddenly I saw everything in a completely different light, and, as a consequence, I began to think differently, to feel differently, to behave differently. The irritation was gone. There was no longer any need to control my attitude toward this man or my behavior: my heart was filled with deep sympathy.

It becomes obvious that in order to make relatively small changes in life, it is sufficient to work on our own attitudes and behavior. If a significant, qualitative change is needed, then we have to work on our basic paradigms.
The Seven Skills is not a set of individual psychological techniques or formulas. Being in harmony with the natural laws of development, this methodology offers a consistent and integrated approach to the development of personal and interpersonal effectiveness.

How we perceive certain things becomes the source of how we think and how we act.

The seven skills are efficiency skills. Efficiency is about balance - what I call the "P/RS balance," where P is the desired result and RS is the resources and means to obtain that result.

Skill 1. Be proactive

Each of our "area maps" is based on the "stimulus-response" theory, which is most commonly associated with Pavlov's experiments on dogs. The basic idea is that we are programmed to respond in a certain way to a particular stimulus.

However, a fundamental principle of human nature states: between stimulus and reaction, humans have freedom of choice.

In order to make relatively small changes in life, it is enough to deal with your own attitudes and behavior
The first and most important skill of a person who is highly effective in all circumstances is the skill of being proactive.
It means more than just being active. It means that we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior depends on our decisions, not on our environment.

The ability to subordinate impulsive reactions to one's values is the essence of the proactive person. Reactive people are driven by feelings, circumstances, conditions, and their environment. Proactive people are driven by values - carefully chosen and accepted.

Proactive people are also affected by external stimuli: physical, social, or psychological. But their response to this stimulus, conscious or not, is a value-based choice.

Our behavior depends on our decisions, not our environment

Another great way to determine how proactive we are is to look at what we spend most of our time and energy on. Each of us is concerned or concerned about a wide range of issues and phenomena: health, children, work problems, national debt, the threat of nuclear war.

All of these things we can separate from things that don't have much emotional or intellectual impact on us by putting them in the circle of concern.

If we look closely at our circle of concerns, we see that some of the things within it we cannot control, while others are subject to our influence. We can combine this last group of concerns by placing them in a smaller circle of influence.

The ability to subordinate impulsive reactions to their values is the essence of a proactive personality.

Proactive people focus their efforts on the circle of influence. They focus their energy on what they can influence. The nature of their energy is positive; it expands, increases the circle of influence.

Reactive people, on the other hand, waste their efforts in a circle of worries. They focus their attention on the weaknesses of others, on problems in the environment, and on circumstances beyond their control.

Problems that are under our direct control can be solved by improving our skills. Obviously, they are in our circle of influence. These are "personal victories" (skills 1, 2, and 3).

To solve problems under our indirect control, we can resort to changing our methods of influence. These are "common victories" (skills 4, 5, and 6).

Problems beyond our control require only that we calmly accept these problems for what they are and learn to live with them, even if we don't like it.

Two things in our circle of concerns need to be considered separately that deserve serious attention. These are consequences and mistakes.

While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of those actions. Consequences are subject to natural law. They are in the circle of concern.

We can make a decision and get in the way of a rushing train, but we can't make decisions about what will happen when it hits us.

If the consequence of our choice does not satisfy us, we call that choice a mistake. A proactive approach to a mistake is to recognize it quickly, correct it, and learn the necessary lesson. This approach turns failure into success. "Success is the flip side of failure."

It's not others' mistakes - or even our own - that do the most damage to us, but our reaction to them.

Practice task!

Success is the flip side of failure.

Choose a particularly depressing problem in your personal or professional life. Determine whether it falls into a category that is under your direct control, under your indirect control, or out of your control. Determine the first step you can take to resolve it in your circle of influence, and take that step.

Skill 2. Start by imagining the end goal

To begin by envisioning the ultimate goal is to begin with a clear understanding of one's life purpose.

It is incredibly easy to fall into the trap of activity, the cycle of things and events, spending more and more effort climbing up the ladder of success, only to realize one day that the ladder is against the wrong wall. It is possible to be a very busy person and still not be effective. The principle of "start by imagining the end goal" is based on the idea that everything is created twice. There is a mental, or first, creation and a physical, or second, creation.

It is not others' mistakes, or even our own, that do us the most harm, but our reaction to them
To a greater or lesser extent, people use this principle in all kinds of life situations. Before you build a house, you create a detailed plan. Before you go on a trip, you determine your destination and the best route. You write your speech before you give it. You draw a pattern for your future dress before you thread the needle.

Skill 2 is based on the principles of personal leadership, which means that leadership is first creation. Leadership is not management. Management is the second creation. Management focuses on the bottom level: How do I do this the best way I can? Leadership deals with the top level: "What exactly do I want to do?"

You can quickly realize the important difference between these two concepts if you imagine a group of people making their way through the jungle, paving their way with machetes. They are the makers, they are the problem solvers. They are paving the way.

Behind their backs are the managers, those who manage the producers. They sharpen machetes, create rules, manuals and instructions, organize muscle recovery programs, propose technological innovations, develop production schedules and material incentive plans for producers.

The leader, on the other hand, is the one who, having climbed the tallest tree, assesses the whole situation and shouts: "This is the wrong jungle!"

So how do busy manufacturers and managers most often react to this? Here's how: "Shut up! We're moving forward successfully!"

Efficiency, and often survival itself, depends not only on how much effort we put in, but also on whether we put it in the right "jungle.

It is unbelievably easy to get trapped in the activity, in the cycle of things and events, spending more and more effort to climb up the ladder of success, only to realize one day that this ladder is attached to the wrong wall.

The most effective way I know of to begin by presenting an end goal is to develop a personal mission statement. This way focuses on what you want to be (character) and what you want to do (contributions and accomplishments) as well as the values and principles that underlie your character and your actions.

In order to compose personal mission statements, we must begin at the very center of our circle of influence, where our major paradigms are centered, the prisms through which we see the world around us.

By putting the right principles at the center of our lives, we create a solid foundation for the development of the four life-supporting factors.

A life centered on principles is characterized by wisdom, an inner orientation whose source is accurate maps, an accurate picture of what is, what was, and what will be. Faithful maps allow us to visualize clearly where we want to go and how best to get there.

The realization of the meaning of life comes from within.

A personal mission is not something that can be written in an evening. It requires delving into yourself, careful analysis, thoughtful phrasing, and a lot of reworking in search of a final version. It may take weeks, even months, before you are completely satisfied with the results achieved, before you feel that you have produced a comprehensive and concise statement of your innermost values and aspirations. Even then, you will return regularly to what you have written, making some adjustments as your views and circumstances change over the years.

Because skill 2 is principle-based, it has wide application. Not only individuals, but also families, teams, and organizations of all kinds become much more effective if they "start by imagining the end goal.

Practice task!

Start working on your personal mission statement. Think about the next big thing you want to do and apply the principle of mental creation to it. Write down the results you would like to achieve and the steps that will lead to them.

Skill 3. Do what needs to be done first

Efficiency, and often survival itself, depends not only on how much effort we put in, but also on whether we put it in the right "jungle.

"The most important matters should never be subordinated to the least important." - Goethe.

Skill 3 is a personal achievement, the fruit of practical realization of skills 1 and 2. Skill 3 is the second, physical creation. It is the realization, the fulfillment, the natural consequence of skills 1 and 2. Speaking of skill 3, we are discussing issues related to life and time management.

The best idea in time management can be conveyed in one phrase: "Organize your actions based on priorities. There are four levels of time management. Each level builds on the one before it, giving us more and more opportunities to manage our lives. The first wave, or first level of time management, is characterized by notes and memos, attempts to somehow organize and systematize everything that requires us to invest time and effort.

The second level corresponds to the appearance of calendars and dailies. This reflects an attempt to look ahead, to plan events and activities for the future.

Realizing the meaning of life comes from within.

The third level is a reflection of the current situation in time management. To the legacy of the previous levels is added the important idea of prioritizing, clarifying values, and comparing on this basis the relative importance of different cases.

Today, many people have moved on to the fourth, very different level. It has now become clear that the term "time management" is actually a misnomer, for the task is not to manage time, but to manage oneself.
The fourth level of time management can be understood from the matrix below. Its basic idea is that we spend our time in one of four ways.

"The most important matters should never be subordinated to the least important." - Goethe.

Effective people stay away from Kvadrats III and IV, because matters relating to them, even if urgent, are not important. Also, efficient people reduce the size of Square I by spending more time in Square II.

Everything we do happens through delegation, either to our time or to other people. If we delegate something to our time, we act in the spirit of productivity, and if we delegate something to other people, we act in the spirit of efficiency.
There are two main types of delegation: delegation of execution and delegation of leadership. Delegating execution means: "Go there, go there, do this, do that, and report back to me when it's done!" Delegation of leadership focuses on results, not methods. The choice of method is given to the people who are responsible for the results.

The best idea in time management can be conveyed in one phrase: "Organize your actions based on priorities.

The principles of delegating leadership are true and applicable to any person and any situation.
Interestingly, each of the seven skills belongs to Square II. Each of them contains fundamentally important recommendations that, if followed consistently, would make a huge positive difference in our lives.
Practice task

Plan your next week with the time management matrix in mind. Identify a Square II activity that you have previously neglected and which, if done well, would have a significant positive impact on your life, both personally and professionally. Make a list of things you could delegate.

Skill 4. Think in terms of "Win/Win.

"Win/Win" is a general philosophy of human interaction. It is one of the six interaction paradigms. The alternative paradigms are "Win/Win", "Lose/Lose", "Lose/Lose", "Win/Win" and "Win/Win or Don't Mess Up".

The principles of delegating leadership are true and applicable to any person or situation.

"Win/Win" is a special attitude of heart and mind aimed at the constant search for mutual benefit in all human interactions with each other. "Won/Won" means that all agreements and decisions are mutually beneficial and satisfactory to both parties. When making a "Win/Win" decision, both parties are satisfied and committed to the action plan. People with the "Win/Win" attitude see life as an arena for cooperation rather than competition.

Win/Win thinking is an interpersonal leadership skill. It involves the use of all the unique qualities of human beings--self-awareness, imagination, conscience, and independent will--in our relationships with others. It involves mutual learning, mutual influence, and mutual benefit.

The essence of such negotiations is to separate the person from the problem, to focus on interests rather than positions, to work out mutually beneficial options, and to insist on objective criteria - external benchmarks or principles accepted by both sides.

Communicating is the most important skill in a person's life.

Imagine the problem from another person's point of view.
Identify key issues and concerns (not positions) relevant to the problem.
determine which results will provide a fully acceptable solution.
Identify new possible options for achieving these results.

Practice task!

Choose a specific person with whom you would like to enter into a "Win/Win" agreement. Try to put yourself in that person's shoes and describe in detail your idea of how they see the solution. Then write down the outcomes whose achievement would mean a win for you. Ask your partner if he or she is willing to discuss the problem until you reach a mutually beneficial solution.

Skill 5. Seek first to understand, then to be understood

Before you raise an issue, before you evaluate and advise, before you present your ideas, try to understand. This is a powerful skill for effective interdependence.

Suppose you have a problem with your eyesight, and you decide to seek help from an ophthalmologist. After listening impatiently to your complaints, he removes your glasses and hands them to you with the words:

Here, put these on! I've been wearing these glasses for ten years, and they help me a lot. I have spare ones at home; go ahead and wear these!
You put on glasses, but you see even worse through them.
Horrible glasses! - You exclaim. - I can't see a thing in them!
It can't be! - The ophthalmologist is surprised. - They work great for me. Try again.
I'm trying! - You answer. - Everything is blurry!
What's wrong with you? Try to stay positive!
Good! But I don't see anything positive about them either!
Well, my dear, how ungrateful you are! - The ophthalmologist is indignant. - And this after all I have done to help you!

What are the chances that the next time you need help again, you will see the same ophthalmologist?

Synergy is an activity of the highest order-the true validation and manifestation of all other skills brought together
The ability to communicate is the most important skill in human life. When we are awake, we are communicating most of the time. But here's the paradox: We spend years learning to read and write, years learning to speak. But what about listening? What kind of training have you taken to learn how to listen? Listening in a way that truly, deeply understands the other person and looks at things from their point of view?

The principle of "Seek to Understand First" is associated with a profound paradigm shift. We usually seek to be understood first. Most people listen not with the intent to understand, but with the intent to respond. They either speak or prepare to speak. Empathic listening means much more than registering, reflecting, or even understanding the words being spoken. In empathic listening, you listen with your ears, but in addition-and this is much more important-you listen with your eyes and your heart. You listen not only to the meaning, but also to the feelings. You "listen" to the behavior of the person.

Because we listen with our past experiences in mind, based on our biographies, we usually respond in one of four ways. We evaluate - agree or disagree; inquire - ask questions based on our value system; advise - give recommendations based on our personal experience; interpret - try to understand a person's character, explain their motives and actions based on our own motives and actions.

Before you raise an issue, before you evaluate and advise, before you present your ideas, try to understand. This is a powerful skill for effective interdependence.

The essence of synergy is to appreciate the differences between people - differences in mentality, in the emotional sphere and psychological differences.

When we truly, deeply understand each other, we open the door to creative solutions and third alternatives. Differences between us cease to be insurmountable obstacles to communication and development. On the contrary, they become stepping stones leading to synergy.

Practice task!

Tell someone close to you about empathy. Tell him or her that you would like to learn how to really listen to others, and ask them to evaluate your progress in a week. How well did you do? What effect has it had on your communication partner?

Skill 6. Achieve Synergy

Synergy is an activity of the highest order-the true validation and manifestation of all other skills combined.

Relying only on our own experience, we are constantly experiencing a lack of information.

The highest manifestations of synergy arise when we face the most difficult problems in life and focus on them the four unique human qualities, the "Win/Win" motivation and empathic communication skills. The results of this are akin to a miracle. We create new alternatives-something that never existed before.

Synergy is the essence of principle-based leadership. Simply put, it means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

The key to interpersonal synergy is intrapersonal synergy, the synergy within ourselves. The essence of intrapersonal synergy is embodied in the principles of the first three skills, which endow one with an inner security sufficient to open up without fear of becoming vulnerable. In assimilating these principles, we develop a mentality of sufficiency, a "Win/Win" mindset, and the sincerity of skill 5.

The essence of synergy is to appreciate the differences between people--the differences in mentality, in the emotional sphere, and psychological differences. And the key to appreciating differences lies in the realization that all people see the world not as it is, but as they see themselves.

A truly effective person has enough humility and respect for others to recognize the limitations of their own perception and to appreciate the richest opportunities open to them through interaction with the hearts and minds of others. Relying only on our own experience is a constant lack of information.

Skill 7 is your personal resources and means (RS)

Synergy is effective. Synergy is the right principle. It is the ultimate achievement of all prior skills. Synergy is effectiveness in an interdependent reality. It is team building, teamwork, developing cohesion and creative interaction with others.

Although you cannot control other people's paradigms and the synergistic process itself, the main factors of synergy lie within your circle of influence.

Practice task !

Think about which of the people you know usually see things differently than you do. Try to use these differences as stepping stones leading to decisions in the spirit of the third alternative. Say you could ask that person's opinion about a current project or problem, appreciating the likely difference from your point of view.

Skill 7. Sharpen the saw

Skill 7 is your personal resources and tools (RS). It sustains and develops your most valuable resource-yourself. It renews the four dimensions of your nature-physical, spiritual, intellectual, and social-emotional.

It is the most profitable, the largest investment we make in our lives.

In order to do so, we must be proactive. Spending time "sharpening the saw" is definitely a Square II activity that requires us to be proactive. In order to develop our own MS, we must put pressure on ourselves - until the activity in Square II becomes a useful habit - a skill. Our MSs are at the center of our circle of influence, and no one but us can ensure their development.

It is the most profitable, the biggest investment we make in our lives. It is an investment in ourselves. We are the tools of our own making and, to be effective, we must recognize the importance of regular "sharpening of the saw" in all four dimensions.

The physical dimension involves taking effective care of one's physical condition: eating the right foods, getting enough rest, and exercising regularly.

Renewing the spiritual dimension leads to the achievement of leadership, and therefore is most closely linked to skill 2. The spiritual dimension is your core, your center, your commitment to your own value system.
Constant, ongoing learning that trains our minds and broadens our horizons leads to vital intellectual renewal.
Updating the social-emotional dimension, unlike the other dimensions, does not require a special investment of time. We can carry it out in the course of normal, everyday interactions with other people. But it also requires effort.

Change - real, genuine change - comes from the inside out.

The seven skills of highly effective people create optimal synergy among all four dimensions, and upgrading any one of them enhances your ability to live up to at least one of the seven skills. Although these skills are a sequential series, improvement in one of them synergistically enhances your ability to master the others.

The more proactive you are (skill 1), the more effective you can become in personal leadership (skill 2) and personal management (skill 3). The more effective you are in managing your life (skill 3), the more renewing actions from Square II you are able to do (skill 7). The more you seek to understand first (skill 5), the more effective you will be at finding synergistic "Win/Win" solutions (skills 4 and 6). The more you improve in any of the skills leading to independence (skills 1, 2 and 3), the more effective you will be in interdependent situations (skills 4, 5 and 6). And renewal (skill 7) is a process of updating all skills.

Practice task!

Make the same list of renewing actions for the physical, spiritual, and intellectual dimensions. In the social-emotional area, make a list of people with whom you would like to improve, or indicate areas in which overall victory could be more effective. Choose one item from each area and put it on your list of goals for the next week. Follow through on what you have planned and evaluate your performance.

From the inside out!

Achieving oneness with ourselves, our loved ones, friends, and coworkers is the most precious, most desirable, and most delightful fruit of the seven skills.

Change - real, genuine change - comes from the inside out. It won't happen if you "cut the leaves off," using techniques from the arsenal of personal ethics, aimed at changing attitudes and behavior. Change comes from the roots--from your way of thinking, from your fundamental, underlying paradigms that define your character and create the lens through which you look at the world.

Achieving oneness with ourselves, our loved ones, friends, and coworkers is the most precious, most desirable, and most delightful fruit of the seven skills.

Obviously, fostering a supremely whole character and living a life of love and service that leads to true unity is no easy task. It is not a "social aspirin" or a "Band-Aid. And yet it is possible. It all starts with a desire to make the foundation of our lives the right principles, to break the paradigms created by other centers, and to break free from the deceptive comfort of habits unworthy of us.

By putting the right principles at the center of our lives and maintaining a balance between action leading to results and the development of our ability to act (P/R balance), we have the ability to create an effective, useful and happy life for ourselves and our descendants.