How to Win Friends and Influence People/Chapter One

I can’t imagine a man really enjoying a book and reading it only once.
–C.S. Lewis

How to win friends and influence people (by Dale Carnegie) is a one of the best books about building good social interactions. If you want to win the hearts of your fellow Steemians, then you should read this book. If you are a leader and you wish to step up your social skills or a tiny minnow who would love to be have the whales following you then this book review is perfect for you.

This chapter started with the story of three notorious criminals/murderers in America who had one thing in common; they did not have any remorse nor did they blame themselves for all the crimes committed. This is not an uncommon trait among people. How many people do you know who actually take the blame whenever they do wrong? People who are accustomed to doing wrong seldom blame themselves and when you criticize or condemn them, they start acting all defensive and playing the victim card.

Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually make him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a persons precious pride, hurts his sense of importance and arouses resentment.

It is true that people resent criticism and love adulation. I had a personal discovery of this truth when I was working as a teacher. I was quite popular among the little kids but the older kids(teenagers) hated me. I felt that since the teenagers were older, they should know better so I was very hard on them. Teaching them was difficult and it became so bad that my boss had to give me a verbal warning . It was then that I decided to change my strategy.

I started treating the older kids with respect and giving them responsibilities. Whenever they did wrong I would overlook it and try to defend them; and whenever they did right I would make a big deal out of it and lavish them with my praise.

The result? The older kids fell in love with me. After one session, I became one of the most loved teachers. My teaching became more effective because my teaching style was more positive and I created an atmosphere of praise. Dale Carnegie wrote that it has been scientifically proven that people learn more rapidly when praised than when criticized.

Me and Timilehin(one of my boys). He won the silver medal in an interschool competiton

I took them for competitions and we won. I discovered that children tend to have a healthy self esteem when they grow up in an atmosphere of praise and if not done with wisdom, a sharp criticism can crush a child's spirit and make them build resentment for life. I still remember those teachers that were mean to me, and sometimes when I see them all I remember are those hurtful moments where they beat me with their stick or their words. If children can resent criticism so much, how much more grown ups with a hearty dose of pride?

When faced in a situation where you have to condemn or criticize someone Dale Carnegie recommends that we should remember that they are most likely going to defend and justify themselves and condemn us in return. We can put ourselves in the shoes of the defaulter and try to be sympathetic. If we apply a little empathy, even the harshest criticisms can be received wholeheartedly.

There are so many stories in this book. Attempting to review such a classic book is really hard because every phrase in this book is gold. I strongly recommend that you read it and reread it if you have done so before.

Thank you for spending your precious time to read this. I hope it was value for your time. Please do well to share some of your experiences with us. You can share instances where you applied these principles. I'll be giving a full 100% upvote to the best comments. If you disagree with any of these principles, please share your thoughts too. I'll love to hear from you.

Thank you once again!

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Reference
How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie.

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