Last weekend my boyfriend, his bestfriend, and my best friend, went to our local strip club for a night of laughs and entertainment. Plus where else can you order a fifth of Belvedere and have it delivered to your table by a hot chick, with a lit sparkler taped to the side of it. The lit sparkler was taped to the side of the fifth, not the hot chick. We intended on drinking too much so of course we had a local cab company come and pick us up, and away we go. The cab driver pulled up, the four of us piled into his van, and away we went.
Not shortly into our departure our cab driver lights up a cigarette.
Now let me just say, I myself, am a smoker, I smoke in my vehicle daily. However. I roll all of the windows down, and prit-near hold the cigarette out of the window while I smoke it.
Our cab driver left all of the windows rolled up while he smoked the entire cigarette. Luckily he had the air conditioning on so the smoke could be circulated throughout the van. Since the drive is about eight miles, none of us spoke up about the fact that fresh air would have been a nice option. We felt the ride would be over soon enough.
Anyhow.
We make it to our destination, we make it inside, we get our fifth of Belvedere and start to enjoy our Monday night. Hard rock blaring out of the speaker system, we look to the lady on stage giving it her all, desperately trying to find her own rhythm to the beat. And I can't help but think to myself "who picked this fucking song for her...?". A few more ladies get on stage, a few more questionable songs back the ladies up. Its not until I hear John Legends "All of me" start playing, that I now have to get to the bottom of this. I ask one of the employees that's making her rounds why the weird music choices. Well. STRIPPERS AT THIS STRIP CLUB DON'T GET TO PICK THEIR OWN MUSIC. YOU GUYS MY HEART BROKE. I took dance lessons for 16 years. 16 YEARS. Imagining being on that stage, half naked, having to dance sexy to All of Me was too much for me to take in. Que drink number four.
After some more drinks and a few more laughs we all realize its about 12am, the agreed upon time our cab driver was going to come and pick us up to take us back home. We say our goodbyes, and head outside to jump back in the cab. Once inside the van I asked the cab driver if I could smoke a cigarette, I even planned on rolling my window down. That's when shit got weird. The cab driver exploded. Rudely telling me no, over and over again, stating that there were burn holes in his back seat from previous passenger smokers. This speech lasted about three minutes before I spoke up and CALMLY said "It's fine if I can't smoke, but let's go. Because I'd rather not sit here and keep talking about it." MISTAKE NUMBER TWO YOU GUYS. He then brought to my attention that if I didn't like his rules, I could walk home.
Mind you, I'm a super laid back person. I'm stoned 100% of the time and arguing with, or being rude to people over stupid shit just isn't my thing.
We begin the adventure home, with me on board. My bestfriend asked if we could listen to the radio, and the driver obliged, after lighting another cigarette of his own. My boyfriend who was sitting up front was making small talk with the guy, bless my boyfriends heart, while me, my best friend, and my boyfriends best friend, sat in the back seat holding hands. Trying not to laugh or set this cab driver off again. Naturally before we get home I have to pee, I ask the driver to pull into a Shell station that's a few miles from our apartment, as i'm walking out of the Shell I see the cab driver standing at the back passenger side door holding his phone, equipped with the flashlight app, shining the light in the back seat to show everyone the burn holes, still freaking out about it. Still smoking a cigarette of his own. After a small argument arose between the driver and my boyfriend, we were finally home. And I was finally smoking a cigarette.
My boyfriend and I didn't get a couples dance, the strippers don't get to dance to their own music, only the driver of the vehicle can smoke a cigarette without creating burn holes in the back seat, and I accidentally gave a stripper seven $1.00 bills to put her boobs in my face because I wasn't paying attention to how much my boyfriend gave me. Needless to say the Monday before the Fourth of July was not what I had imagined it would be.
However, I did learn I'd like to open up my own strip club. So I cant say I didn't learn anything.
Pictured from left:
My bestfriend
Me
My boyfriend
My boyfriends bestfriend
Just another Monday.
Just another time I was #23andoutofplace