Love & Marriage 92 - The Hallway - Conflict projects - Part 2

We are discussing the hallway projects, which is the conflict projects.

I started yesterday with an introduction to this subject:
https://steemit.com/christian-trail/@hope777/love-and-marriage-91-the-hallway-conflict-projects-part-1

When speaking about conflict, you need to understand the basics. Most of our conflicts are somewhat embarrassing. We don't want to air our dirty laundry with others, so we keep quiet about our fights. Yet our silence sends the message that healthy normal couples don't fight and that all fights must be bad or shameful. This is not the case.

Here are the three of the basics of conflict.

• IT IS UNIVERSAL

Every couple fights. Dr. Steve Stephens says: This is particularly because each person is unique and sees situations differently, e.g. I think we should clean the kitchen as we cook. She thinks we should clean up after the meal. I think certain colours go together but she strongly disagrees. I have certain landscape ideas for our yard, she has a different plan. These are just a few of our differences, you and your spouse have your own. These differences give life variety and excitement. They also lead to disagreements that turn into conflicts. A conflict is an opportunity to express your perspective and understand's your spouse's. A conflict-free home is unrealistic. Conflict and making peace are hallmarks of true intimacy. Two mature individuals try to live in harmony as a couple, though they realize that differences in personality will naturally lead to some level of conflict. The resolution might not be what you hoped for, but only spoiled children insist on always getting their way.

• IT IS NORMAL

A marriage dispute is not necessarily a sign of trouble. Conflict is natural and inevitable. Any two people who spend much time together are going to have their share of disagreements. However, a conflict is not the same as quarrelling. A quarrel is negative, critical and usually destructive. The book of Proverbs teaches that "a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping". This is obviously true of a quarrelsome husband too. Quarrels are exhausting they wear you down and make you feel a little crazy. Quarrels tend to be circular - they don't seem to go anywhere. Conflicts move toward a conclusion and, if handled maturely, leave a couple better off than when they started. The very worst way to handle conflict is to:

• avoid
• threaten
• dig up the past
• blame
• belittle
• explode
• manipulate
• refuse to make up
• or try to win, rather than resolve.

• IT IS AN OPPORTUNITY

The value of conflict is to resolve difficulties. But in the process, a lot more can be accomplished. A disagreement is an opportunity, to be honest about our feelings without being hurtful or abusive. Through a conflict, we come to understand our mates better, their likes and dislikes, what is important to them, in what areas they are sensitive, and what they believe. This can be an exciting interaction, for as each of you understands these areas of your lives you will move closer together in your marriage.

Conflict does not need to drive a wedge between you and your spouse, it can actually weld you together through closer understanding. Proverbs says: "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another". (27:17) If a conflict is approached with a healthy attitude then both partners are sharpened. Each spouse respects the other when the disagreement is resolved. Both will have grown in their relationship. Yet this only occurs if fights take place in a context of love, with each partner agreeing to fight fair.

Next Post: Be prepared for the top six areas which lead to conflict.

Thank you for reading, be blessed!

Source: Blueprints for a solid marriage, Dr. Steve Stephens, Tyndal House Publishers
Images: Freepik.com, dreamstime.com