Chronic pain is present when you wake up in the morning and when you go to bed in the evening. This undesired but regular companion may strain your relationship as you seek to grasp each other's viewpoints on the suffering. Chronic pain in women can be caused by disorders such as endometriosis, fibromyalgia, cystitis, and vulvodynia.
Fibromyalgia affects an estimated 4 million Americans, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Women are frequently taught that their agony is "all in their brain," a message that their spouses have occasionally taken to heart as well. Misunderstanding your partner's pain can lead to serious relationship troubles.
Chronic pain, whether caused by fibromyalgia, back pain, arthritis, or another ailment, can be poisonous to relationships, especially if one spouse is suspicious about the source or intensity of the pain and the other believes they are not receiving adequate understanding and support.
People suffering from chronic illnesses want to be supported by their loved ones. Hearing about pain can lower one's mood, and if you're the one in pain, your partner, spouse, or children may simply tune you out when you talk about it. The good news is that how you talk about pain makes a difference. There are things you may do to help you gain rather than lose the support of your loved ones.
Catastrophizing and Chronic Pain
Catastrophizing is not a healthy or effective coping mechanism; it is linked to increased pain, discomfort, and sadness. It's also related to passive methods of begging for help, which can backfire.
Suppose someone expects others to help them but does not know how to convey their needs openly. In that case, they may exhibit their displeasure indirectly by sighing, moaning, or indulging in other actions that may appear offensive to the other person.
And if the person in pain does not receive the assistance they desire or expect, they may become enraged or disappointed, even if the other person had no idea what was expected.
If one partner does not believe in the diagnosis, they are more likely to respond angrily rather than supportively.
This cycle of bitterness, aversion, and disappointed expectations has the potential to poison every element of a relationship. For example, if spouses in pain consistently believe that they are entitled to more special care and attention than they are receiving, this mismatch of attitudes can surely produce problems in couples and can spill over into other areas of conflict, such as money decisions and leisure time decisions.
How To Halt the Cycle
Education
The first step is to educate yourself. Consider treatment as a collaborative endeavor. Both couples should try to learn as much as they can about the pain condition and should go to doctor's appointments together to discuss treatment choices.
Hearing a professional opinion on how much exercise and movement is healthy for the person with pain, for example, and to what extent the partner in pain should help with household and physical tasks is beneficial to both couples.
Communication
Communication between partners is vital for keeping suffering at bay in a relationship. People in pain must also listen to their partners and make an attempt to comprehend how they feel.
Maintain open lines of communication with your partner and recognize that both sides may have concerns with fairness. While it might not seem fair to have to deal with suffering, witnessing a loved one deal with agony is a different type of strain.
Communication is more than just talking. People who are in pain should be aware that they may be displaying anger or distress even if they believe they are concealing their misery well. Be aware that you can actively produce suffering by talking about it, or you can indirectly display pain through facial expressions or body language.