I want to talk about my recent church-going experience.
Background
First, a little background on me.
I grew up outside of the church. I remember all my childhood friends would talk about CCD class or confirmation, and I always felt left out. I remember telling the other kids I didn't go to those things because I wasn't Catholic, to which they responded, "Then... what are you?"
So I've always been curious about religion. I consider myself to be an Agnostic Theist. In hard times in my life, I have thought about God and it has comforted me. I enjoy reading Bible verses and interpreting them on my own, kind of like interpreting famous literature in English class.
The Experience
I know very little about religions, and so about a month ago I decided to go to a non-denominational church on a Sunday morning. When I got there I sat in the back. An older lady came up to me and invited me to sit with her, to which I of course complied. People around me were friendly, which was a good start. I was the only one there under 35, for sure. Most people were 50+, and 4 people were 35-50 (3 of those people were in the band on stage).
The building was very modern-looking on the inside. We sat in folding chairs and there was a stage in front of us. A full band was playing as people walked in. They had drums, guitar, piano, violin, and a singer, which was pretty cool. They were good, and I was impressed at their talent.
The music quieted and a man walked on stage. The first thing he said was, "Good morning. We have raised X amount of dollars in X amount of time. This money will go to abolishing Planned Parenthood!" and the audience cheered. Like "WOOOO" "YEAH!!!" "YAAAAY".
I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped. Good morning to you, too, sir.
I will not get into my opinion on this here (but in another post, maybe). However, using church dollars to shut down a business sounds ... wrong? Priorities, man.
Once he finished his spiel, the band started up playing more christian-rock worship music. It lasted for at least 45 minutes (that's being conservative, it was probably closer to an hour).
My opinion on this: I know the Bible says to praise God. I agree that we should be thankful for what we have/are given (whether you want to thank God for that or just be grateful, your call). However, I think people misunderstand the Bible. They think God wants you to praise him. I believe that if there is a God, the last thing He wants is for people to come together and spend and hour telling him how great He is. Praising God/thanking God is something you can do on your own time.
There is strength in numbers, and if a group of people come together in His name, God would want them to go out into the world and make a difference. Go buy a homeless person a meal. Clean up the beach/local parks. Volunteer at a hospital. Literally anything to help anyone/anything.
I think worship music has a very specific time and place. Sure, one song is fine to get it out of your system/get people feeling good. In my opinion, spending an hour on praising God is kind of selfish. God doesn't want your praise. You are spending an hour praising him for yourself and no one else. God wants people coming together to do shit to better humanity.
As the music was playing, people got up, came to the front, and started dancing like they were at a concert. There was a screen above the stage with the lyrics so people could sing along to the rock music (and they very much did). People took their shoes and socks off and danced barefoot. They spun around and jumped. People head-banged. The church had flags mounted on the walls, and church-goers would go up, choose a flag, and twirl it around. It was a lot for me, as someone who can count the number of time she's been to church on two hands.
Don't get me wrong- I'm glad they were so happy. I know dancing is totally normal at many, many churches. But this was different. They were barefoot, twirling flags, spinning in circles, head-banging. It was like a concert and they were in the mosh pit. I felt very out of place as this happened for the first hour (at least) of the 2.5 hour service.
Once the music stopped, the pastor went back up on stage. He began telling stories. Some were interesting. Some were not.
He went on to talk about a recent trip he took to DC in honor of Billy Graham. He mentioned that he visited the Lincoln Memorial. He said he stood on the plaque that lies exactly where Martin Luther King Jr. gave his "I Have a Dream" speech in 1963. He told us that while he stood on this plaque, he began shouting "I have a dream... that the spirit of God will enter all of you. And..." and he went on, but I don't remember what he said exactly. He said he shouted for 15-20 minutes like that, mimicking Martin Luther King Jr. Obviously I did not witness him doing this, but from the sounds of it, this seems to have been very disrespectful and also disruptive.
Following that, the man began talking about his many youth/young adult groups around the U.S. He specifically told stores about the many "former homosexuals" he has "helped".
When he said this I almost lost it. I teared up thinking about the people in my life who have struggled with their sexuality, and I wanted to storm out. It was the last straw for me. I've never heard anything like that in person. He said it so casually, my heart sank.
Mid-sermon, the pastor asked for donations. I was not going to give a donation for the following reasons: 1. It was my first time at this church. 2. I did not support much of what they were doing or discussing.
As the basket was being passed around, He said "raise your hand if you don't have any money to contribute". How embarrassing would that have been for someone who truly had no money and just wanted to attend a church service?
I had money I could give, I just didn't want to. My hard-earned money, my choice. I didn't raise my hand, and I didn't give money.
He repeated himself and added, "If you raise your hand, I'll give you money to put in the basket", and then he locked eyes with me. Dude. You're gonna charge me for standing here and being respectful when all I want to do is leave? I was embarrassed, he called me out in front of everyone. It was obvious I didn't go up to the basket, and he made sure everyone knew. I just ignored him. I would not be intimidated into giving to this place.
The lady next to me could probably feel the tension between myself and the pastor. She offered to give me $5, and I said no thank you. She was not pushy, which I appreciated.
There are many Bible verses about money, but I will save that discussion for a later post.
After discussing how he has successfully "helped former homosexuals", the pastor spoke about interacting with "those types of people". By that he was referring to Jesus associating with lepers and prostitutes mentioned in a Bible verse he had read. What I hated about this was he spoke as if "those types of people" were different from you and I. Like they were a different species. We all walk different paths. No human is less than another human.
He told a related story about a woman he knew was a bartender.
Apparently he befriended her, and she became more religious. He told us that even though this bartender grew to love God, she was disgracing Him by being a bartender. This pastor basically admitted that he judged this woman for her career. Why is being a bartender so disgraceful? Maybe he thinks she is greedy because she makes good tips, or maybe he is sexualizing her, who knows. But the fact that he was catty enough to bring up a story like this pissed me off. Like dude, you're not God. Don't speak for him. Love everyone. Got it?
Lastly, throughout the sermon the pastors would bring up getting young blood into the church. People in the audience would share stories about wanting to get their children back in the church. The pastor said: "The millennials are the majority of the population now. The baby boomers are dying off. We need the millennials on our side!" I felt kind of targeted? I don't know. It was spoken as if the pastor knew that many millennials disagree with him on a lot of hot topics. I felt like he was saying "on his side" to mean that he needs to get millennials to think as he does in regards to homosexuality, planned parenthood, etc.
When it ended, I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
Closing Thoughts
I went home after the 2.5 hour service. I felt very distraught for the rest of the day. I was shocked. I was basically useless for the rest of the day. I didn't feel like going for a run as I usually do. I didn't feel like reading, studying, cooking, anything. I just wanted to watch TV and ignore my thoughts.
I went to church with the intention of feeling enlightened afterwards. Instead, I felt very sad and confused.
I truly hope no one takes offense to this. You do what you want to in church, that is not up for me to condemn. This is purely my criticism of a church service I felt very uncomfortable in. As uncomfortable as I felt in the situation, I did not disrespect the people in that church. I didn't storm out, and I didn't speak up. I really wanted to give them a piece of my mind at times, but I didn't. They can do whatever the heck they want, as much as I disagree with it. This is purely my reflection on my experience.
I definitely need to find a church to better suit my spiritual needs.
I grew up in being very religious, and I recognize what the pastor was saying. I have understood more now later in life, that life is about accepting and loving everyone to the best of our ability, and allowing them to do whatever they want, so that they can continue on their learning curve. When we force people to change or tell them what to do, they often tend to do the opposite. People simply want to be happy, and they will do whatever they can to achieve that.
Great post! Thanks for sharing!
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