I was very excited to enter college when I was in my senior year in highschool. Ive submit several entrance exam requirements, took many entrance exams, because I really wanna finish highschool. That time, I was very eager to go out and be free from that school. I thought college was fun: getting drunk, going home late, more freedom, and everything. But I was wrong. NO ONE SAID IT WILL BE THIS HARD! SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, SINGKOS (failed grades), AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. I loved mathematics when I was in highschool and I dreamt of becoming an engineer someday. Theyve said that I can earn a lot of money if Ill be an engineer. So, I became an engineering student.
First year, everything is very ideal. I have a scholarship, circle of friends, and a lot of hope of becoming an engineer. I graduated valedictorian in highschool but I didnt let my classmates knew that thing. Why? Because I feel like I was nothing, Im nothing but a below average engineering student. In my first year, Ive got a lot of failed scores, and a lot of my classmates who graduated in science highschool or any public highschool is much smarter, no, a lot of smarter than me. One of my classmates said " What?! You didnt know these? These things are thought in hs." And that brought me down. I also cried in front of my algebra prof, he was talking to me because I'll fail in his subject and he asked me what to do. And I cried. I was overthinking and told him that I might lose my scholarship, I might not be able to go to this uni because we're poor. But God is good, that prof gave me a grade which I didnt really deserve, ive got a 2.75 in his subject! He said he adjusted the grade to save the last guy (which grade is a lot of lower than mine) passed.
Second year. Second year built my socializing skills. There's a lot of projects that requires groupworks. My classnares even chose me to play the role of the protagonist in the story. I remember one time, one of my professors has a tough love for us that he remarked my plate as ugly. I practiced writing even more. It really helped me to become better.On our last day in that academic year, my cousin said that my uncle papa rushed to the hospital. Summer that year, he died. It crushed me so hard. He stood as my father more than my real father ever did. It crushed me.
Third year; the depressing year. Third year was the year that every engineering student fears. In our first year, our batch in electronics engineering department was 8 sections. And the population of our batch taking up bs ece is estimated 140. In our third year, a lot of our batchmates in our department got failed grades, the most common number of failed subjects were three subjects. And there are a lot of subjects that we cannot take if we fail those subjects, its prerequisite. Plus, the system in our university limits the units you may enroll in. The effect of those things is this: you will be delay, you cant graduate on time. A lot of my friends delayed.
I got two failed subjects in my third year second sem. I cried a lot. Because 1) theres a possibklity that i may not graduate on time and 2) i lost my scholarship. I was very devastated and depressed that time. I went to the main office of my scharship to got my scholarship termination paper.
I was depressed. I overthink a lot of things. I may not be able to continue school, I may not be able to graduate on time, I'm afraidmy parents cant support me anymore.
But life goes on.
Fourth year, I failed a subject again. The funny part is I failed a subject in first sem handled by the same professor who failed me a sem ago. I cant feel a thing that time. I was really devastated because my dad is pressuring me when will i be able to graduate because he prepares his schedule on when he should fly. I was depressed. Ive spent a weeks crying. But I life must go on. I attended summer classes to take the subjects I couldnt earn on our 2nd sem because of its prerequisites.
Fifth year. I AM ALIVE.I AM STILL ALIVE. I'm currently a fifth year electronics engineering subject and now I am able to graduate on time.
I've learned that not everything is ideal. Compared to first year version of me, Im very proud of myself that I went through it all. Yes, I still have an insecurities but "experience" is everything. Experience taught me a lot of things that cant be learned in four corners of a classroom. Ive learned that giving up should not be in our choices in life, we must continue and remember our purpose.
Ad Astra Per Aspera.