Pinterst

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It's Friday, FRIDAY! Free Speech Friday!!!

Welcome to another week of Free Speech Friday.

For those who don't know and who are new to following me, Free Speech Friday is the day that regardless of who or what you are, you celebrate your freedom of speech by speaking up. Whatever stupid shit you believe in, SPEAK UP! Let us all hear it. You have a voice too and I am sure you want to be heard. I know I do. Which is why I hope today's rant will inspire some of you reading this to follow suit doing the same.

Free Speech Friday was started over a year ago by my friend @sonofhightower in Portland. I figured why not help carry on the tradition hoping to inspire others to rant along side us as well on Fridays.

Alright so let's bitch!

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Today I want to combine Free Speech Friday again with this weeks Comedy Open Mic. Due to the fact that awhile back I discovered one of the funniest words to yet expand my mouthy vocabulary with. This word was so funny I couldn't resist turning it into comedy rant. Seriously, I eventually do plan on writing and performing a whole set just on this one subject.

When I first started venturing down my personal path through the rabbit hole of truth I discovered many things. Lots of times I discover a quote, a great thinker, a hippie outlaw, an ascended Yogi master, a piece of candy, psychedelic mushrooms, or sometimes just a word. This one word I discovered was this thing called the Kundalini.

Just say it, Kundalini! It rolls off your tongue perfectly. See! Here it is I haven't even gone into it yet and you fuckers are already giggling. Just because the word sounds so funny just by itself HA HA.

What is the Kundalini?

Is it your third eye? No!
Is it a Vegan entree at your favorite Hindu restaurant? No!
Is it a vibrating sex toy your wife gets herself off with? No!
It is nirvana? Maybe...

The Kundalini is ALL things. It is the base of the spine and is the source of all existence.

The best part is everyone has a Kundalini. So know matter who or what you are, or what you think you are, you have a kundalini! It isn't sexist, racist, or vulgar. Which means that it does NOT discriminate.

For example: you can say, "There is something wrong with his Kundalini." And then you can say, "There is something wrong with her Kundalini." And if someone pisses you off you can always kick them in their Kundalini! Even my dipshit transgender Dad has a Kundalini. And because he is transgender I'd say there is something wrong with his Kundalini!

It even rhymes with the great Houdini. Behold, Houdini's Kundalini! And that shall be the one performance that fucker couldn't get himself out of. Maybe had Houdini stimulated his Kundalini he might not have died when that dipshit started punching him. Oh well. We will never know.

Yes, and my job is to kick ALL of society in their Kundalini's! How else do you achieve enlightenment? I bet a swift kick in the Kundalini will enlighten you!!! That's my job, Why I'm such a mouthy indignant nihilistic misanthropist. It is my job to kick you in the Kundalini. WAKE UP MOTHER FUCKER!!! Seriously it is time! I'm tired of all you tide pod eating fucktards lawlessly complying with unconstitutional stupid shit!

Some of these hippie dipshits will tell you that the best way to stimulate your Kundalini is to meditate, sitting up with your back straight, legs crossed, while chanting some stupid boring mantra. Not me! I find the best way to stimulate my Kundalini is to make love with a head full of acid (LSD). Seriously! There is a rainbow glitch in my DNA now as a result. I got a neurothread somewhere in my brain that is still having an orgasm. My Kundalini is quite stimulated! Fuck all that meditation bullshit!

And if you can't get laid, you can always get high and turn up your stereo with your 6 foot high "Back to The Future" speakers blasting Iron Butterflies's In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida. ROCK N ROLL!!!! 17 minutes of pure BLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISS.

I hope this was enough stupid shit to help you stimilate your Kundalini. I nominate @mikebluehair42 and @sonofhightower to stimulate their Kundalini's in this weeks Comedy Open Mic. Thanks for reading and I hope it gave you a good laugh HA HA.

Now if You'll excuse me, I'm going to go stimulate MY Kundalini.

Stay Un-Tune-Ed

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Comedy through activism, activism through comedy.

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We are a Dipshit Democracy. FUCK Amy Goodman!