Because condolence messages and letters are far too personal to adhere to a set form, one particular rule that is simple is able to guide you: Say what you actually feel. A single sincere line expressing the genuine feeling you'd for the deceased is all you have to write.
As you write, do not dwell on the details of the manner or illness of death. Nor should you suggest the loss is a "blessing in disguise." It's acceptable to question if there's one thing you are able to do to help, even suggesting something specific, like "Please let me know if I can help to babysit." If you have a certain memory about the deceased it is going to be a nice addition, but this's totally optional.
Writing condolence messagesto someone who is grieving can be very tough, particularly in case you are concerned about saying the wrong thing. But it is great to make the hard work - most folks really appreciate someone reaching out.
These 5 tips and will help you to compose a perfect condolence message.
@1 Choose a card you think they will like
Before you will pick up a pen, put some thought into the card you pick. Make an effort to take a design you think the person will like.
And bear in mind that you are not restricted to the' condolence card' section of the card shop.
'What I remember about this card was the beautiful design, beautiful quality,' Jason Davidson, Supportive Care Services Manager at the Marie Curie Hospice, Hampstead, says about an unforgettable card he got.
'It had an amazing print of an octopus with its arms flailing everywhere, it was blue. That is all that was on it. She chose a lovely design, not a sunset or a lily.
'What struck me about this card was it was entirely unique, one thing she thought I'd love, nothing to do with death.'
@2 Be brave and open in case you can
You may worry about mentioning the individual who died. But saying a thing about them actually make your message even more meaningful.
'I think it is appropriate to mention them', Jason says.' Say anything about the individual that died. You can also share a specific memory if you like.
'At my mum's funeral, one of my friends shared a beautiful memory, a story about going about to my nan's house to eat corned beef sandwiches with tomato sauce. It was beautiful to hear that story.'
The relationship of yours with the individual is unique, so you will know what they may appreciate hearing probably the most. Something as easy as' I'm sorry for your loss' or perhaps can show you care.
@3 If you've faced a bereavement, you can reflect on the experience of yours
Do not be scared to show empathy with the individual you are writing to in case you have been through a comparable experience.
But remember everyone's experience is going to be different, and so try never to be prescriptive about what to do or even feel.
'This really helped me and has stayed with me,' Marie Curie Stories Manager Tim Randall says about this message he received in a card from a buddy that had suffered the loss of both his parents:
'However much you do not believe it is going to hit you, it hits you in a place you did not know was in you. It is a, guilt, and grief 99 things all at the same time. So go on and cry…
@4 Suggest you will speak to them soon
The card of yours should not be the conclusion of the conversation. The person is avoided by some people that have been bereaved, which could make them feel isolated or perhaps lonely. Attempt to reach out and take a while for them.
You can suggest that you will speak to them in a couple of weeks, perhaps for a stroll or even lunch, and be sure to follow it up.
@5 Send a follow-up card later
As well as sending a card or perhaps gift right after someone has died, sending something several weeks later on often means a lot.
Hope this helps